Is it wrong for me to want a baby?

Question

I am 19 years old. I am a lesbian so that counts out the 'normal' method of pregnancy. I want a baby so bad. I feel like I need someone to love me, someone to need me. I am in a long term, committed relationship and we both want children someday. I also think that my longing for a child might be from the lack of my mother in my life (She passed away last year) and I miss her love so I want to give the motherly love of my own. Is it wrong of me to want a baby?


P.S. If you intend to gay bash, discriminate in anyway, or tell me I'm sick please keep your comments to yourself. Thank you.

Answer 1

It is totally natural for a woman to want a child. But, I will say that I am a 19 year old mother. I love my son with all my heart, but I wish I would have waited. You have the rest of your life to be a mother. And, I think Invitro is pretty expensive, and then you have to pay for all the babies needs as well. Start working toward your goal right away. Save money and read up on invitro or adoption. Adopting a child over seas(they are desperately in need), isn't really that expensive. Do your research, set your goals, and go for it. I'm sure you will be a great mother.

Answer 2

I will answer as if you are my daughter:
When we are in a loving relationship, many of us naturally want to have a baby. Somehow we know that the baby will take us to a new level of love, and in that sense there is nothing wrong with wanting the child.

What we sometimes forget is the hard work, responsibility and sleepless nights that balance against the fun, the joy and the love. For that reason I always made sure that my children were not only wanted and loved, but that my spouse and I were ready, too.

If you are longing for a child to fill the emptyness your mother's passing left you, then I'd suggest to wait a while and let your partner's love slowly grow into that space first. Then the baby will get 100% of both of you. :-)

Love is the most important thing you can have, and at 19 you have so much to learn and live that it might be best to wait a bit before making your family larger.

No matter what you decide, though, I wish you the best! :-D

Answer 3

it is not wrong of you to want a baby, but it may be for the wrong reason. You may want to join a grief support group to get some feelings out. Don't have a baby to replace a love that was lost!!! Having a baby does give you someone to love and be loved back by, but its not the best reason to have a child. That baby will need more than love, and will not always love you!!! (especally when they are in the terrible twos!!) Having a baby is a lifelong commitment, and its not something to take lightly!!!!

as to how... you have two options. Artificial insemination, or find a male friend who will be a sperm donor and bite the bullet for a few nights, kwim! I have nothing against gay parents, be they natural or adopted. And I am what some call a "conservitive christian"!! I think the most important thing is a baby be wanted and loved, regardless of the parents choice of lifestyle!!!

Answer 4

No, I wouldn't say it's wrong for u to want a baby at all. I'm 21 years old and I can't wait to have my first baby,well technically second. I did end up conceiving at the age of 19 and I must admit I was miserable when I was pregnant. My pregnancy only lasted 6 months due to complications. I was so hurt when that happened. I was looking forward to my little girl. Just know what u are in store for if u do decide to conceive through other methods. but u don't need to just have a baby to know that u are loved. I'm quite sure ur significant other loves u.

Answer 5

However much you may want a baby, you should think of him/her first. I don't have anything about same-sex parents, I think it's fine, so don't worry.

But just, at 19? Are you doing any more schooling? Do you have a steady job/income? Are you sure your partner will be with you? Do you know the stress of having a baby (not just phsyical)? Why do you need to feel loved and needed if you have a partner?

It's not wrong to want a baby, but I think that right now it's selfish for you to have one.
But that last is just an opinion. You should take a look at the questions posted up there and make sure the answers are satisfactory first.

Answer 6

Not wrong, no, but if you are truly thinking of having a baby at the age of 19, I would certainly counsel restraint.
Although I'm sure you hate to hear it, at your age a "long-term relationship" is something you are looking forward to rather than back at. It would be tragic if you were to be left alone with a child at this stage of your life. Incidentally I would say the same if you were in a heterosexual relationship.
You and your partner have so much of life to enjoy together and you should go for it while you can. Children can come into the picture at any time in the future and when you are more sure that you relationship is indeed log-term.
Don't be in such a hurry.

Answer 7

It's totally normal to want a child "someday," but I hope you intend to wait a few more years, just so you've had some life experience as an adult. The research shows that children of gay parents do not grow up emotionally disturbed any more than the children of straight parents, and they're also no more likely to be gay. But they ARE more at risk for teasing from their peers, so be ready to handle that.

You have a number of parenting options. A sperm donor is one way to go. I do NOT recommend getting a male friend to do it, because he could turn around and decide he wants custody rights. Use a sperm bank instead. If a biological relationship to your child is not a priority, you could do embryo adoption or a regular adoption. So many kids need a loving home, and quite a few states allow gays to adopt now. (Sadly my home state of Florida is not one of them.)

Answer 8

Are you in a stable home? Can you support yourself with no problem? DO you have insurance?

You can get artificially impregnated, If you feel you can support then child and give it a good life.

Ask yourself.... Can you afford it?
Who will help you?
Do you want to go to college first?
Does your partner really want this too?
Is the relationship stable?
How long have you been with them?
Can you handle it alone if they leave?
Are you sending the child to school?
Or will you home school?
How will you explain to them having 2 moms?
Are you worried they will get picked on for it?
Are you ready for the responsibility?

I could keep going..... Whatever you decide good luck. Just remember your young you dont have to rush into it..... You have plenty of time.

Answer 9

well at this moment i would say no, you say you want a baby so that you can feel loved, that's not a very good idea at the moment. Why don't you wait a year or so and have a good talk with your partner to make sure that BOTH of you are 100% ready for this life long comitment. Also are you finacally stable? Thats another thing you need to look at it before having a child.

Answer 10

Its not wrong to want children, gay or otherwise. That is part of our nature. What you have to consider is, is it a good time to have one as far as money goes and your relationship. You said you both want them some day. Might mean your girlfriend is not quite ready. Children love you, no doubt about it but they are also dependent on you for everything. If you think it might not be the best time to have one right now, you could try being a big sister to someone who like you did not get enough mothering. Being gay does not mean you can't get pregnant. Just means you may have to call upon some sperm banks for help. Good luck.