Marriage..is there hope?

Question

My husband and I have been married for over 8 months. We dated for 5 months and ran away. It was impulsive but we were in love. I am a Christian and thought he was too. I have found in the months to follow our vows that he is not the person I thought he was. I saw him with so much potential, someone who would always be there for me, be my best friend. Since that misjudgment, he has hurt me physically, emotionally, spirtually and my heart is heavier than I thought could be possible. I've tried marriage counseling, he wont go. I've tried being patient and hearing him out but all I hear is how he doesn't care anymore. I've tried being quiet and he pushes me aside unless he wants something. He calls me names and says I deserve it because I anger him. He doesn't go to church anymore, he doesn't look me in the eye either. I want to just leave, flee from my suffering, but I want to stick with my vows as a Christian. Would my heavenly Father want me to stay and cont. to disappear or to free me

Answer 1

I just find it hard to believe that you didn't see some of this in him before you married him. I'm sure you did, but you chose to ignore it because you were "in love".

Now things are tough. You know God doesn't want you to just run away and leave. He wants you to stick to your committment to this man and he wants you to find the good in this and work on making it work.

As christians are lives are never perfect. We have struggles... we have trials... and we try to glorify God in all our trials and tribulations.

Are you glorifying God in all of this? He is always there. Or have you chosen to ignore him and what he want for you to wallow in your own sorrows and ideas on why your life is so terrible.

You can't change your husband, but you can change your attitude and become a more understanding wife and learn ways to deal with this man to help (hopefully) bring him around to realize how lucky he is to have you.

Also, the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" can help alot as well.

Answer 2

Well, scripturally speaking, it is better to marry than to burn with passion and as Paul also says in his letter to the church in Corinth, it is better to remained unmarried because the worries of it and the world will distract you away from God......nevertheless, you did nothing wrong, except marry him too soon and cutting the average time that one should get to know a person before marrying by seven months.....wow! Just remember, that there is NOTHING too big for God to fix, and right now you may just be going through a molding period......and scripturally speaking, the only grounds for divorce is adultery; have you caught him with anyone else? But then, the physical abuse thing is also something to consider, because no husband should be hitting on his wife or any woman. Is he on drugs? He has backslidden catastrophically and all the characteristics that you mentioned seem to be of that of a drug user......you need to tell him to quit the physical abuse or you're gonna call the cops and if he cooperates, then you need to start praying and fasting; there's something in your household that is causing this division and it immediately needs to leave in Jesus' name.....the last thing that God hates to see is a whole and complete couple become two seperate beings again.....if the physical abuse stops, just hang in there with prayer, and still love him as though he has done nothing wrong to you; then the love of Christ will shine through you so bright, it will burn the scales off the eyes of your husband so that he can see clearly see the princess that his King has blessed him with.....I'm in agreement with you that all this will be fixed by God, and His best blessings upon you both.......

Answer 3

There may be hope but it has to come from your husband. A man should never get married until he is ready to put his family first.
From a christian standpoint, a man is supposed to be always ready to lay down his life for his wife and children. If he is not then he is not marraige material.
Your husband has to make a decision and he has not made it yet.
In all probability, your husband thinks that he is not worthy of you and the happiness that you would bring in his life.
Something in his past is causing him to reject you. He may have cheated on you recently and now wants to punish himself for his weakness by saying that he does not deserve you. He says this by his actions.
In his mind, he is going to lose you anyway so he is going to punish himself first.
Marriage is tough. To be a real Christian is tougher. God created Love and to preserve love he created forgiveness.
The toughest thing to do is to forgive yourself. You may forgive your husband but will he ever forgive himself?
You have a right to leave.
You have a right to have happiness.
You cannot carry his cross.
All you can do is pray for him.
My life changed for me when I came to the realization that I did not need my wife. I did not need her for my success.
What I realized was that I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be her husband. Since that realization, I set the goals to become the best husband I could be and the best father I could be. Now my life is phenomenal.

Answer 4

OK, is it more important to you to stick to your vows and stay with an abusive jerk or to get a divorce and survive.

Think about that.

It's not your fault he has a bad temper, it's his. Eventually these relationships always turn from verbal to physical. Anyone who tells you to stick it out and be a better wife is WRONG! He needs to be a better husband.

Find a man who is worth your time, who will enhance who you are as a person. God helps those that help themselves. Help yourself and God will meet you half way.

Answer 5

No hope I'm afraid.
Get out now before you have children with this person. You deserve better. God will not hold it against you...we all make mistakes and your marriage is just that. God loves you and wants you to be happy. It's a bigger sin to stay with this man and lead a miserable life. Go now!

Answer 6

I am not a Christian, but i believe HE will always be yourside to give Hope & Will for your trying to change things right.
Find out what problems actually he got now, if so then help him. If he doesn't love you anymore, you must be able to PUT IT DOWN.

There must be a reason for all of this.
Remember, don't ever to give up before you had try your best.

Answer 7

not at all, time to get moving and find real love