I'm 22 years old and my husband is 25. We have been married for 2 and a half years and have been dating for 5 years. We have the perfect marriage. I love him and he loves me. We spend lots of time together and enjoy each others company. We have never had a screaming yelling fight and we know how to talk out our problems and come to an agreement in a mature manner.
The only problem that I have is the fact that I want kids and he does not. Now, he was very clear on this matter when we first meet. I guess I just hoped that he would change his mind. But sadly I don't think thats going to happen. I've even tried to compromise on just one. But he just does not want them. We have talked about it a lot, there are times he thinks about giving me a baby because he knows how happy it would make me. But then he sees a crying kid and realizes that he does not want that. I also do not want him to give me a baby to make me happy. I want him to want the child just as much as I do.
2007-06-24 01:42:17 · 8 answers · asked by dohm84 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It’s been a vary hard few months for me because everyone I know is getting pregnant. My sister is due is Aug, my best friend just had a baby last week. Out friends are getting ready to have there first baby in Aug. And there are many more people who we know, who are expecting. I just feel so sad to see everyone around me having kids and knowing that is will never be me tares me up inside. I think about this everyday. The worse part it, as much as it hurts to know that I’ll never have a baby and be a mom. The thought of giving up my husband in order to have a family, hurts me even worse.
2007-06-24 01:43:39 · update #1
Even if I did leave my husband and go off to find a new husband who wants kids, who’s to say I would have the great marriage that I have now? I love my husband, and I don’t want to leave him. But I also want to be a mother, and experience a Childs first words and there first steps and that baby smell and telling my family that I’m pregnant and telling my husband that I’m pregnant. Picking out baby names, and setting up a nursery. I feel like I’m missing out on so much, but I have no idea what to do or how to get through it. Either way I’m going to get hurt. What would you do if you where in my place?
2007-06-24 01:43:59 · update #2
Please do not give me answers that say he is still young and will most likely change his mind. He is thinking of getting a Vas Clip, and I’m the one who told him to. I think that it will give me a for sure No answer and then I might be able to make my diction. Because right now I still have hope. He is scared that I will resent him for it when we are older. And to tell you the truth, I’m scared of that also.
2007-06-24 01:44:13 · update #3
Also, anyone who tells me to get pregnant behind is back is stupid. I hope anyone who thinks like that never has kids. It’s sad to see women think like this. It’s even sadder for all the men out there like my husband who get stuck with children who they never wanted. How fair is that to the child?
2007-06-24 01:44:25 · update #4
We did talk about this before we got married, but I was hoping that he would change his mind. He also said to me when I asked him about kids, "Will talk about it later", I took that as a "yes but I don't want to admit it yet". He later told me that he just said that to avoid the subjects, but it dose not matter. I new since we started dating that he didn't want kids. But I was in love with this man, I wanted to spend my life with him. And I still do...
My question is "What would you do???" Please answer that
2007-06-24 01:52:09 · update #5
I think what you are missing out on is just enjoying the life you have before you. You said you have a great marriage. Enjoy it. Go places together, make memories with each other. One day it will be your turn to shine. I can sympathize that you are feeling the yearning to be a mother, but don't rush life so much. I was 30 before I had my first child. I would say just give him time, I know that is not what you want to hear, but that is really all you can do at this point. Don't leave him because he don't want to give you kids right now, that would be wrong. And NO, don't get pregnant behind his back, I can't stand women that do that either. The more you allow it to be an issue in your marriage, the more of a wedge it will drive between you and your husband and it will ruin your perfect harmony. The more you dwell on it, it will lead you to resent him. Don't. As I said before, just enjoy the life you have with him right now. The rest will come when the time is right. Good luck.
2007-06-24 01:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by teashy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I don't want kids either, so I can't tell you what I would do in that situation (because I'd be fine with it). Your first mistake was really in assuming that he'd change his mind. The truth is, some people just don't ever want to have kids, for whatever reason, and you should have taken him at his word. In the future, I hope you will do this.
I think you need to decide which you want more - the relationship with him, that you describe as wonderful, without kids OR taking a chance on finding someone else who might not be as wonderful who does want kids.
If kids are really that important to you, you might want to consider a divorce. Because even if he breaks down at this point and gives you the baby that you want so badly, it might really mess up your marriage. It's a very real possibility that he'll hold it against you forever, because it's not what he's ever wanted, and he made that clear to you in the beginning.
2007-06-24 09:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by Samantha S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You knew this before you got married. I feel sorry for you. I have two kids I would not change that for the world, if you love him get over it if you don't move on. I understand that at this moment your clock is ticking. Maybe someday the two of you can adopt a child. Ya know giving birth isn't everything. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-06-24 08:50:26 · answer #3 · answered by bluebird 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Adopt a dog. At least the dog doesn't have to go to College!
Drop the subject! He doesn't want a child, forget it, or, find another guy. You knew, when you got involved with him he did not want kids. Kids take up a lot of time and money, smart guy. Divorce him and find a man that wants kids.
2007-06-24 09:44:12 · answer #4 · answered by newyorkgal71 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well number one your husband has his mind set. You only have two options stay with him and never have kids or move on. I guess the answer lies with you. Can you stand never having kids?
2007-06-24 08:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You knew how he felt before you married him.You need to be patient and wait.Maybe later he will change his mind but even if he doesn't you need to except it.You knew what you were getting into when you said I do.
2007-06-24 08:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by Dixie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all you should know why he doesn t want childern may he had abad memory with them or they connected in his mind with something he afraid of you should know and you must talk him about the beauty of children and what will your condition after ten years from now without children and i know you want but you should try to convence him
2007-06-24 09:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by miracle_student_scientist 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
you should have clarrified this before you got married. Didnt you talk about this stuff before you got married???????
2007-06-24 08:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋