A compliment here,
Compliment there.
My heart leaps in the air.
Drips of blood falling down,
Over my head if it doesn’t stop dripping I will be dead!
A pool of red,
You start swimming in the pool,
This makes me start to drool.
Another compliment here and there my heart is forever in the air!
2007-06-23 22:15:44 · 21 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Why do you go from happiness to bleeding in one sentence? Are you happy or sad?
2007-06-23 22:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by bruvvamoff 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tattybow: can you introduce your poems so as to tell us what you are trying to convey to us? I get the parts about being complimented and that you're seeking to confuse the heart which love comes from and the physical heart which pumps blood around the body. Blood and Love can be compatible. Two songs I know which follow this theme are "The Blood That Moves The Body" by AHA (80s group) and "triumph of a heart" from Bjork's album "Medulla" which uses a 'human beatbox' to recreate the sounds the heart makes. Blood pumping then is what love is about; perhaps not working with the word "dripping", which isn't an especially powerful or attractive choice of word - and "drool" definitely isn't ,'cause it makes you sound a bit gormless (lol)!! It's a good theme but those two words need replacing. I must say that it is rather surreal and are you by any chance filling your room with Salvadore Dali posters right now? If not, maybe you should take a look at some of his pictures: I think they'd be right up your street - though they may freak out your parents, but anyway!
2007-06-24 00:09:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hinting at something but not addressing it. Sounds like the heart wants out of that body as long as the threat is there, the compliments are not even covering the surface. Sweety, hold your heart in your hands and talk to it, what is really happening with you. Don't over-dramatise, look steady at it. Write that; irrelevant whether it's good or not. You know you're smart, that's not the bottom line, it's a tool for you. And if you want an adult to help you, ask someone you can trust. Take courage and stay your own best friend.
2007-06-24 02:57:09 · answer #3 · answered by Louise L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well when I first read this I thought that you were saying that your heart metaphorically leaped in the air. No, silly me. It litterally lept in the air raining a shower of blood down to fill a pool big enough to swim in.
It was definitely an unpredictable image. I didn't see that comming at all. It left with a funny visual.
Thanks for writing
2007-06-24 02:34:11 · answer #4 · answered by Todd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although poems traditionally rhyme, don't be afraid to work around that and write non-rhyming lines as well. If you constrain yourself with a concern for rhyming, you may often produce strained lines such as "if it doesn't stop dripping I will be dead" or "this makes me start to drool." Try to open your mind a little bit and explore different lyrical ideas.
Also, always keep in mind the conclusion of the poem as you are writing it. What thought are you trying to explain? What emotion do you want the reader to feel? What's happening in the poem? etc etc
Hope you keep writing, good luck
2007-06-23 23:44:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It oozes cliche imagery and overused rhyme. Just read more poetry and you'll begin to understand what techniques and styles have been overused to learn how to make your own poetry unique. Don't stop writing though, if you enjoy it, then persue it the best you can. Plus, unless you're aiming to get published, then it doesn't matter what other people think of it; as long as you have said what you wanted to say and that you feel better for it.
2007-06-24 12:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by caleola 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uummm, well, "this makes me start to drool" seems a little forced, like you just needed something to rhyme with the word "pool". kind of like when people write or sing about love, well, they always follow it with how it comes from above. they just want it to rhyme. i do think you have talent as a poet and i hope you keep it up.
2007-06-23 22:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Candii JoJo is a groovy chick. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see undertones of a manic depressive here you need to talk to someone or are you just a genius like Edgar Alan Poe?
2007-06-23 22:32:02 · answer #8 · answered by Eh! say`ello to mi Lidal fwend! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not clear if you're happy or sad for the compliments
2007-06-24 00:44:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it starts & ends fine..but the middle bit sounds like somebody has hit you on the head with an axe...so dont quite understand the message of the poem.
2007-06-23 22:27:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋