My fiance is a wonderful man, but he is also an alcoholic. He manages to keep his drinking confined to the late night hours, but he drinks himself into a stupor to go to sleep every night. He goes to work every day, and he spends most of his life sober. He is very healthy and responsible in every other aspect of his life. He has tried to quit in the past, but always relapses. He has told me that he doesn't think he can quit, so if I marry him I take him as he is. He is nearly perfect in every other way, but I'm worried about how his addiction might affect our life together...should I learn to live with his habit and marry him anyway, or should I say goodbye to the man of my dreams because I am afraid of his addiction? Please help!
2007-06-23 22:09:45 · 31 answers · asked by emob25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do NOT marry an alcoholic. Especially one who is making no effort whatsoever to seek the help he so desperately needs.
2007-06-23 22:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Married To An Alcoholic
2016-11-01 03:58:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen there are a lot of things that can drive someone to the bottle. Alcohol of course is not the answer and you and I both know this. You have to get your fiance to see that it is wrong. I mean maybe he has a reason for drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He might have some demons that he does not quite want to face. I would say no to the whole marriage thing right. I mean just until he seeks out some kind of help. Not only are you putting yourself in danger by being involved with a man that drinks. But he himself is basically slowing killing himself. The things that liquor can do to your liver and other major organs are quite alarming. Just sit him down and tell him how you feel. Also once you accomplish that then tell him that it's either you or the liquor? And just explain to him that you can not just sit back and watch him through his life away with every single swallow he takes. Just be prepared for the excuses. However if you do decide to marry him you will have to worry about him and any children you produce in the future also. Children implement what they see. So that is something else to consider. Get him in to a rehab or an AA group soon. If he is truly committed to stopping his addiction to alcohol he will stop. I did.
2007-06-23 22:22:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a sober alcoholic with almost 9 years of sobriety, my advice is to run for your life. Your guy has told you that he's an alcoholic and has no intention of getting sober. Over time, untreated alcoholism only gets worse, never better, and you are in for a life of heartache. I do not care if he is the man of your dreams, your life will be a nightmare if you marry him. Do not listen to the people who tell you that your love and support will get him sober--trust me, you're a human being, and you simply don't have the power to get anyone sober.
2007-06-25 13:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much do you care to be with this individual? A point that would be good to bring up is there are four areas of marriage.
First area is the things that you know that you know.
Second area is the things that you know that you DO NOT know.
Third area is the things you DO NOT know that you know.
Fourth area is the things that you DO NOT know that you DO NOT know.
With all that said and from personal experience, you marring an individual should be a thing that you know that you know. Right now, it seams this problem is in the you know that you DO NOT know.
Furthermore, if you go ahead and actually do marry this individual against what a majority of the multitude of counsel has suggested, then it would be suggested to protect yourself from any pain this situation might bring. Further, another choice you have is to attempt to motive him to change from being a alcoholic to a non-alcoholic. Good luck with that one though.
2007-06-23 23:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by John K 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've been where you are now and I married the guy anyway. We were fine for awhile, but his drinking became worse and he became very unpredictable. He was a completely different person when he was drinking. I hadn't realized how boring it is when everybody around you is drunk. What he really needed was someone who could match him drink for drink and build a life around the bars in the area and didn't need a home life. Unfortunately I brought children into this marriage and when the children were old enough to realize their dad had a problem I needed to figure out how to explain it to them. I had to let them know it was a problem and it was NOT okay. In order to have a somewhat normal life for me and my children, we were divorced when they were young. He straightened up his act a little and married his drinking partner. He never completely got on the wagon so I can't imagine what his liver looks like! After the divorce the children were happier. Their dad had specific times he could see them and he had to be sober or he couldn't see them. He did see them frequently and could control his drinking when he wanted to. Everybody is grown up now (except my ex-husband). I never put down their dad and let them make their own decisions. (I just asked them not to judge him too harshly because that was just his way.) He still loved the children but was unable to be a proper father to them because of his drinking. Frankly, I don't miss cleaning up after him. My advice is "Don't Do It". You will always come second to the drinking.
2007-06-23 22:48:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since he won't change this destructive behaviour, absolutely not.
If you'll wait, then only do so when he's a few years clean and sober.
There is no such thing as 'learning to live with his habit' - it will destroy and control your life. Why are you even dating him? Why in the world would have you said yes to a proposal??? You need some counselling, as well....
2007-06-24 00:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I deal with a drinking spouse everynight. Eventually the alcohol takes your spot for their comfort and they faze you out altogether. I would say to NOT get married because you will be in for many more problems then just the alcohol. It causes much grief and the drinker doesn't realize it and continues to drink anyway. Good luck.
2007-06-23 22:25:16 · answer #8 · answered by donmattingly3 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Despite what everyone else is suggesting, which seems to be that if you love him, you should stay with him and help him, I don't think love has anything to do with this at all. It seems that he has no desire to change and probably won't even if you threaten to leave him. And while you are married to him, how many arguments and problems will you have that will stem from his drinking? He drinks only at night...but it won't stay that way forever. What if you had kids? Do you really want to risk your entire life and the lives of your children if he doesnt change? He drinks himself into a stupor because he doesnt have control. Think about it. Do you want to spend everyday as a wife being worried? Don't accept him and take him as he is simply because he is givng you an ultimatum.
2007-06-23 22:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Do not marry this man .....they say counsling helps but it doesn't he has to do it on his own and if he is telling you that he can't quit then he won't quit counsling might help some but some it doesn't it just makes them worse...they will controll your whole life....you will be living in nightmares all the time..you can't plan for anything do to his drinking you will be ashame to go out with him because he will embarrase you in public he might seem nice now but it won't last...good luck in what ever you decide but I would say dump him now
2007-06-24 10:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by rfg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋