I sit and claim, that I will sing, 4eva I will sing.
Sing till my lungs die out.
Till my love for u has gone down the drain,
Waiting for the to pain die.
I sing my song, the song i sing i sing it just for you.
Then a clap,
Another slap towards my love,
I will protect u like the words from a dove.
And I will return to love u, but till then I will sing!
2007-06-23 20:49:31 · 19 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It is a beautiful poem. It has heart and you truly mean it. Keep on going with the poetry.
2007-06-23 20:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by bubble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the 4eva should be changed to forever and, I will protect you like the words from a dove?? Ive never heard of words from a dove protecting anybody you might want to use something different
2007-06-23 20:56:55 · answer #2 · answered by Joe D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A bit violent and unpredictable are we not? First you sing to them, then you slap them??? Well, it did make me laugh!! Irony is that then you want to PROTECT them? You're definitely a realist: "sing......till my love has gone down the drain" (you mean it's not going to be Forever and Always?). It's a bit absurd but I loved it anyway!
2007-06-24 00:54:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's beautiful but the repitition in line 5 breaks the poem. It would also be easier to enjoy if you spelled out the words properly.
2007-06-23 20:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by kjlfadjflakjfslkfjsklf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
again, it's ok, but needs work. go to www.foyleyoungpoets.org and enter the poetry competition. closing date is 31st July. you can enter as many poems as you like and it's free. you get a prize if you win but i can't remember what it is. 10,000 people entered it last year, but it's not that hard to win. i got in the top hundred and i'm not even that good. you should enter, you might do well!
2007-06-23 22:20:19 · answer #5 · answered by country gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is seemingly a way for you to express your sadness... keep writing!
"I will protect u like the words from a dove"? Is a dove a threat for words?
;-)
2007-06-23 22:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by jenseits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not great, but everyone reads a poem differently.. personally i dont think it flows, maybe the last four lines but not the poem as a whole. and i dont really get it ? about singing and loving someone?
2007-06-23 20:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will protect you like the words from a dove?
2007-06-23 20:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by Ronnie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's more like a song.
2007-06-23 20:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a beautiful poem very good keep up the good work shows u had feeling
2007-06-23 20:59:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋