In the stars i see the light that shines upon you face,
Then suddenly there is no space between you and me.
We hold each other so very tight.
So loving in the pale moon light.
Then lighting strikes, a sheet of light toward the tree that’s behind me.
it makes you glow so very bright.
But it burns so much I am in so much pain.
I Just want to leave right now!
Now we are standing by the moon as happy can be.
2007-06-23 19:47:41 · 16 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
we love each other loads!...................................................... (as friends)
2007-06-24 00:52:22 · update #1
very nice =) spacey at the end sorta confusing i like it though instead of s sheet of light i might suggest a streak of light and
2007-06-23 19:50:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I love the sense of drama in this poem with the lightening flashing suddenly like that. I think you took it a bit too far by actually getting BURNT(!!!!) by the lightening - I think you might be leaving in an ambulance if that happened, possibly...
Also, it doesn't work with that rather cutesy last line because you just think: This girl has just been charred black by a lightening bolt and here she is with a big grin on her face??? So alternatives to getting burnt could be getting temporarily blinded, or simply being terrified by the lightening, which would probably make you and your friend hold one another even tighter. You could probably finish by looking for a last line that brings together your love for one another, protecting one another from fear and feeling in awe of the power of Nature/God. So, the big question would be... is this poem about you and Sarah then? Please put us all out of our misery and edit your question to let us know!!
2007-06-24 00:40:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it,
conveys the message of friendship and companionship so eloquently. Im really really glad you have a real good friend and you love her very much, when you feel sad or alone read this poem, your both very lucky to be friends with each other and really refreshing to see a piece of poetry created by two. both of you take care and god bless, paulie
2007-06-24 01:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by truluv exists! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice sentiment for you and your friend but no it is not a very good poem it is basic and childish. I guess you guys are young.
2007-06-23 19:51:23 · answer #4 · answered by ... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not good I`m affraid needs some work don`t give up.
2007-06-23 21:10:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. I could pen some music to that on my guitar but I must warn you that it will come off like a grateful dead song.
2007-06-23 19:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by BudLt 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I love it! if you write more poems like this, you could write a poem book!
good luck! =D
2007-06-23 20:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by f_u_n_n_y_2_f_u_n 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very emotional, however I am not a fan of poems that don't rhyme, call me old fashioned.
2007-06-23 19:50:05 · answer #8 · answered by bruvvamoff 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
nice poem,
lyrics improvement will do much good!!
All the best !!!
2007-06-23 20:18:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's very nice. it's your thoughts and feelings. keep writing. good luck to you.
2007-06-23 19:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋