do most men that pay child support feel that they are being a good father?

Question

do most men that pay child support feel that they are being a good father... does paying but barely seeing you child make them feel like there part of your child's life?
or do they secretly hate to pay?

Answer 1

By paying is to hold the responsibility and the mistake that he makes during his time with you. It does not mean he is a good father. If he hates to pay, he will have many reason to fight back and appeal.

Money cannot buy love, only fake love.

Answer 2

It is my experience that fathers pay child support because they HAVE to. By law, they are required, so most do. It does not make them a better parent, and I am not sure that it makes them feel like a better parent. As for not seeing their children, well, that is just a shame. Paying child support and spending time with your child are not synonymous. If anything, they have nothing to do with each other. If the father of your child is not spending time with your child, then he more than likely doesn't want the responsibility of having to take care of the child by himself. Unfortunately, that is a sad fact about many divorced fathers, and some mothers. It is hard work to be a single parent, even if you are a single parent only part time. And, paying child support does not make up for spending quality time with your children.

Answer 3

paying child support and being a good father are exclusive items. One can be a good father but not pay child support (for example unable to work for medical reasons). On the other hand one can pay child support but not be a good father (like you are saying about not being there). I paid for years and unfortunately was not there very much. Lots of overseas military service can do that. I paid even when I was offered a way out (allowing the stepdad to adopt). I tried to have a relationship but was hindered often. So, does my lack of direct contact make me a bad father? I think not. Might there have been more I could have tried? Most likely. Am I going to beat myslef up over it? No! So, please don't judge a father simply on the child support vs. contact premise.

Answer 4

apparently yes, sadly it has become a stigma that when you take on that responsibility it makes them a great dad. though what they don't realize is that it's just money. Money can never buy love and happiness. It can never buy the look in the child's eyes whenever they feel they are loved.

but you gotta admit the fact that still there's some manhood left in him given that he did not run away from this obligation no matter how he secretly hates it (if he does). and some moms would actually mandate the dad to give because in a way that their revenge against them.

let him be. allow him to take on that responsibility. but don't ever allow yourself to tell your bitterness to the kids. No telling them of any ill-feelings about their dad. he is still the father of your kids. eventually when they grow up, they will realize and learn about this without you having actually telling them. go on with your life, let go of the bitterness...even just for the sake of the kids.

Answer 5

I'd say in general that most guys think paying child support is being a good father. Of course, it's not like the guy gets a choice as he is forced to do it. And most guys in general hate being forced to do things.

Too bad they don't force guys to spend time with their kids, but the money is more important, right.....

Answer 6

It takes more than money to be a good dad....They do hate paying, but what helps is to show them what the money he gives goes for, this way he will know that the money is being spent wisely. a lot of men think that the women use the money to buy themselves clothes, and that the children do with out....it was a fact in our case. My husband was paying his x child support, and it is a pretty good chunk of change. He also refinanced the house so that would not be such a burden, and she would have more money for the childrens clothing and food. Well, the children kept coming to him asking for new shoes, and clothing and such, and he told them that he had given their mom money to take care of those things, well she was getting them stuff from second hand stores, but buying herself new outfits every week. My husband showed his children how much money he made, how much he paid her, and what all his expenses were, and what was left after that to live off of. Well needless to say, they saw that he had very little but was willing to take what little he had and buy what they needed. But first those kids went back and asked to see how much mom made and asked to see all the bills, because they wanted to add it up them selves......she refused, and cursed my now husband out, because she thought he had put them up to it. well every time she bought herself something new after that, they called and would tell it ... in front of her, and say we still need new shoes...these have holes in them. She finally bought them new shoes, because he was going to take her to court to gain custody, because she was not providing for the children with the money, but buying herself stuff. Men just want to know that the money is being use for the children and only the children.

Answer 7

I don't know how my ex feels but he does pay child support but due to his job of being in the military he hardly sees the kids. What time he does spend with them is quality time and that is what matters.

Answer 8

Be honest, this depends on the situation. However, if he pays that means he has a responsibility in some degrees. At least he can take load from your payment. And this also benefit your child.

Answer 9

I hate paying it, I hardly ever get to see my kids. I keep paying it because i dont want my kids to go hungry.

I could not care less if she or her man(whoever it may be this week) eats, breaths or dies!

But i cant stand the thought of my kids hungry!

So, I cant see my kids often because she lives in a different state. I pay for fear of my kids, but cant see them often, have no input in their upbringing,

This whole **** stinks!

You judge in general and do not have a clue in the average seperated or divorced families situations.

There is NO FAIR WAY TO JUDGE!

anyone who thinks it can be handled with general guidlines is a complete MORON!


All of you self right A** holes who want to judge by money, UP YOURS!

I pay out of fear for my kids sake, but should the government make me pay if i have none or limited access to the kids???

Our system is not fair!

Answer 10

I answered you other question as well...you need to keep your bitterness out of it. He is trying. A lot of dad's don't pay support AT ALL. Nor will they even try to see their kids. You should be glad that he is still trying to be involved! Remember...he is a Dad that sees his baby probably not as often as he would like...