Poem: Screaming Silent (please let me know what you think)?

Question

I'm not sure what's going on with me these days, none of the poems I'm writing are very alike. I'm not sure what I think about this one. It's a bit different from my usual stuff...let me know if it works.

Screaming Silent

The wind became my voice
when no one else would speak
for me. I learned its secrets
made them mine.

Storing fury beneath
a fragile calm. Learning
to walk in the ways of the invisible,
the hidden. Filling
my lungs with the chill, soft
resistance. Waiting for the voice
to come,
to resonate;
bringing
the thunder,
the release,
the power
unseen.

Answer 1

As a poet; I liked it, quite a bit...
I admire the way you didn't feel the need to try to rhyme using "resonate". I always speed read or scan a poem first, before settling down to try to appreciate it. Some words leap out and I fully expected to see "contemplate" or "irritate" used to balance "resonate".
You held your nerve well. It all sits together.

As a singer; I loved it...
It sums up, rather nicely I thought, the feeling I get when playing a challenging vocal role. The thunder, and hinted at storm, being the full belt crescendo.
On that note (every possible pun intended) might I suggest an alternative title...?

"Silent, Still..."
Hmmm...?

Puts me in mind of Don Quixote actually...
Laying down the melancholy burden of sanity...

Answer 2

Wow.
I must say this is very good but it coud use some work. You could change the words you use in the second part. But overall i would rate it a 9/10. Good Job. Keep going!

Answer 3

flows brilliantly!
keeps on the same path
seems like some inner angst

it tells a story (this is what I see)

someone in a coma can hear everything everyone is saying...everyone around him believes that he is going to die...they decide to "pull the plug" the speaker tries yelling, screaming, but his voice is not heard...he awaits the help of an outside force above everyone to release it's grand power and let him speak for himself

say what you will....I don't just read this...I see this

Answer 4

WOW!! That is very good. I feel some sort of strength from it. Like as if the wind feeds you in some way and you feed off it's strength even though unseen! Great Job!

Answer 5

hi todd. i'm no expert, but 3 paragraphs may work.

start learning to walk...on another line as well as filling my lungs with the chill, put soft on another line - as well as starting waiting for the voice to come, on a new line and the rest can stay as is.

keep practising dude!!!

Answer 6

i really liked it .. It makes me feel at ease to know that someone feels the pain that i do to have so much to say and no one to tell it to waiting for the open release and wanting to have that moment to set your thought s free this poem is very touching and it speaks hope for my self awareness to me thankyou it was as if i needed to hear that..

Answer 7

hi! first off, i would like to thank you for what you wrote on my question...it made me feel a lot better, that was really nice of you to do! secondly, i love this poem... it really has some great meaning to it. i can feel the pain behind it as you put me through certain scenes. its truly great.

Answer 8

I like the oxymoron in the title. The poem is good.

Answer 9

theres alot more depth in that then my poem "ode to myspace" lol I like yours because unlike most of the non-rhyming ones on here yours flows nicely

Answer 10

Bravo. You get a gold star.

Someday, when you are a world-famous poet, I hope you will send me an autographed book.