we are still married and together,when i say i messed up i didnt cheat or anything like that.i was a jack*** im grouchy and i dont know why i love my wife with all my heart but im still grouchy and jealous .i dont think she would cheat on me but if i dont straighten up i might lose her forever.please help.quickly.she dont hardly want to talk to me anymore.
2007-06-23 17:11:49 · 17 answers · asked by my q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If shes still with you then obviously youre still in with a chance. Get yourself some help, make an obvious effort to improve you own attitude and behaviour, dont just expect her to take your word for it that you will change. Dont make promises you cant keep let you actions speak for you, theyre much better at it in these situations and offer her the same support and understanding that she has offered you as she has her own struggle. Some couples counselling wouldnt go astray either.
2007-06-23 17:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by minimouse68 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife that you have been a jack*ss and a grouch. You are truly sorry for not treating her the way you should have, and this is your disgrace. Please help me become a better man, husband, and father. Tell her you know it isn't going to be easy for you or her, but you truly want to change for her and for yourself. The most most important thing you must try to improve yourself. Write yourself a note to tell yourself to try to be a better man that it doesn't matter how she treats you. If she is having a bad day, treat her with a sympathetic ear and compassion. If you are having a bad day, do random acts of kindness to her and others to improve your mood. The ball is in your court; do what you may because it is up to you now. Remember, it took years of miss treatment to get here, so don't give up too soon because it will take some to correct your wrongs. God bless.
2007-06-24 00:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this may sound genaric but counceling, first by youself then as a couple. find out why your grouchy, may be mental, may be physical( like low blood sugar) then when you get some help to "better yourself" you can get her involved and find out how she feels and then work together on the marrage. couneling is a hard thing to do, letting a stranger into your life/marrage, but if it is realy that bad then it surely cant hurt any. just go into it with an open mind this guy/gal isnt trying to tell you that your a horrible husband but be prepared to hear things that you may not want to
2007-06-24 00:24:44 · answer #3 · answered by collectivetheresa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you that being jealous does not help your marriage or the relationship. Whatever you two are going through , you should sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel and why are you the way you are. See what she is going to say , talk to her more often and see how she is going to react on things that you are saying to her. We all sometimes get to the point were we lose it and we start freaking out about things that are not there and after that we are afraid that we are going to lose someone that we love.By doing that we see that we are losing them but we can't control it we keep pushing because we are so use to freaking out and blaming them for something they are not doing. My advice to you is to sit down and talk to her and see how you can control your jealousy because if you don't you will lose her. I am sure your wife loves you and she is hurt because you are acting that way that is why she is not talking to you. Take one day at the time and if necessary talk to her every day about things , trust me communication helps alot. Don't push her but let her know how you feel.
I hope this helps, and good luck
2007-06-24 00:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Danijela K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the ONLY ONE who can change it. You can do it by your actions. Start by being more cheerful & appreciating her more. Compliment her more, tell her she looks nice & that you appreciate all she does for you. Tell her you realize you've not been treating her as you should, it's been bothering you, & that you are going to turn a new page & start treating her like you know she deserves being treated. Tell her you're sorry & you are definately going to be trying harder. Even ask her what you can do that would help make her happier w/you! Then DO IT!! Hey, at least you realize it before it's too late. But remember, actions speak louder than words!
2007-06-24 00:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by Sue C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to communicate stop being jealous if she didnt want u she wouldnt be with u, tell her u love her bring her flowers write her a letter from ur heart never give up ur grouchy thing find a hobby but make sure she always comes first in ur life.
2007-06-24 00:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by vandjforever1@comcast.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good that you are willing to make positive changes in order to save your marriage. I think that by making those changes you will be happier over all, as well. Begin my seeing a counsellor, or clergy to talk things over with. Having someone work with you toward a change will make all the difference.
Also, make a pact with your wife. Ask her to tell you when you are being negative. She can remind you to keep trying to look at the positive side of things. Both of you should agree what the reminder should be (i.e. she could agree to simply say, "You asked me to remind you when you were speaking negatively."). The reminder should not be angry or insulting. Just a gentle reminder. When you hear her reminding you, you need to make an effort to stop being negative and to say something positive. (even if it is just, "Thank you for reminding me.")
Best of luck to you and your wife.
2007-06-24 00:26:53 · answer #7 · answered by Bonnie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably need to go the counseling route with her (to show her # 1 that you care enough about her to go to that extent to save your marriage) and probably some anger management classes on your own. Show her you even went on here to get some help. If you really mean what you say, then give it everything you have.....make sure you walk the walk after you talk the talk or you will lose her.
2007-06-24 00:53:38 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly773 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you must feel. I am going through this right now with my husband but I am the one who really messed things up. It took him leaving me for me to realize that I have been treating him really bad for the longest time because I somehow lost touch with my own feelings towards him. I mean I love him with all my heart & soul but I got afraid to show it because I feared that he didnt feel the same way. So I treated him like crap & ended up pushing him away. Now I'm trying my hardest to get him back. But I also realized that I have been depressed & have low self esteem. I felt like I didnt deserve his love. So examine your true feelings & if you love her LET HER KNOW in whatever way you can & she likes before she starts to think you really hate her. DO NOT WAIT to talk to her about this!!! If you need a counselor start the process TODAY!!!
2007-06-24 00:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
words are only words..you show her with actions.send her flowers, write her a poem,massage her feet..or whole body,but do it for her satisfaction not yours.show her that you are worthy of her love,and thaen straighten your butt up.learn to bite your tongue,keep ugly words and intentions to yourself.and the jealousy thing is fun at first for a girl,but that crap gets old..especilly if it is unfounded..behave and be good...hope it works out for you all
2007-06-24 00:19:02 · answer #10 · answered by pattialfy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋