2 questions about affairs...?

Question

In this scenario there are NO children involved & you've been married less than 5 years.....

1. If you truly loved your spouse, could you have a long standing, very serious emotional & physical affair with a third party?

2. If you were the spouse that was cheated on, and you found out that the cheating spouse had been unfaithful to you in varying degrees more than once, would you end the marriage?

Thanks for your answers.

Answer 1

1. If you truly loved your spouse, could you have a long standing, very serious emotional & physical affair with a third party?
A. No. I love my spouse and love means no cheating.

2. If you were the spouse that was cheated on, and you found out that the cheating spouse had been unfaithful to you in varying degrees more than once, would you end the marriage?
A. I'd get therapy but it would take a long, long time to get the trust back into the relationship.

Answer 2

There is more than meets the eye to this question I suspect...

In short, if you truly love your spouse, you should not cheat, even if tempted beyond your wildest fantasies. Don't try to rationalize the length of your marriage and cheating. It doesn't matter if you are married for a day or fifty years. Cheating is cheating, and you are breaking your marriage vows to remain faithful.

If you were the spouse that was cheated on, and especially more than once, you would be completely justified (even for Christians) to divorce. Once a cheater, always a cheater. No spouse should have to put up with the physical and emotional stress that is caused by the cheating other. I would suggest seeking pastoral counseling at a good local church if necessary.

Answer 3

Clearly you are seriously examining your soul here. You appear to be the wrong doer (if we put it that way) and you are trying to consider the situation from both individuals perspectives.
Most of your contributors have given their positive answers but I am a man myself and I have a personal experience from which I draw my comment.
What I am saying is the positive truth and you need to take positive action. Firstly it is very true to say that you cannot be in a meaningful relationship when you need to lean outside the marriage for what is sexual excitement. If YOU truly love your wife then you would have no need to stray. There is something seriously wrong and I would say that you did not have a sufficiently long enough courtship to enter into marriage. I fully understand your guilty feelings because your mistake was made the day you married. You cannot put the clock back. It is not clear why you don't have children already.
For your wife to be unaware of events I find odd because women are very intuitive. I think she is loyal and accepts a humdrum marriage.
You are trying to walk backwards and forwards at the same time. Therefore what should you do? If you confess to your wife she will be very cold towards you and probably leave. If you live on with the lie it will always be there to haunt you. I think you must do the right thing for the long term. Get yourself organised to leave but before you do just come clean and tell her that you have been unfaithful and you feel it wrong to go on. If anything can be salvaged then that is the way to find out. But remember, You can only LOVE one woman and you don't.

Answer 4

To answer your first question, if you truly loved your spouse, there would be no need to look elsewhere. So, it's not going to work with a third party and trust me, you WILL eventually get caught.


to answer your second question, I would leave and have. If someone cheats, they have commitment issues and shouldn't be married. It's just not okay to do that to your spouse. It's betrayal. What would you do if you brought your spouse an STD or HIV?

Answer 5

1) Whether you constantly feel all mushy towards your wife or not, you still made a commitment to her when you said "I do" that you wouldn't stray from your marriage at ANY circumstance. IF you really loved her to begin with, you wouldn't have put yourself in the situtaion to even be tempted to fall in love with someone else, much less be intimate with them!!! Also, I can almost guarantee that if you were not married, your relationship with your adultress wouldn't be so steamy either.. it's always 'fun' when there is a risk of getting caught!
2) YES I would leave his azz! Once the trust is broken, it's gone! I wouldn't live the rest of my life wondering if he really had a late night work commitment or if he was reall out bangin someone else!

NOW, this is going to be contradictory, but IF you wanted your marriage to work with your wife, stop seeing the other woman and keep it to yourself. If you tell her, she will definately leave- the guilt you feel for cheating on her will be your punishment to live with each time you look her in the eyes.

Answer 6

#1. No I was married and had a relationship with someone else, because I didn't truly love my husband. I am now remarried and truly love my husband and couldn't even dream of being with anyone else.

#2.Yes. even when i was the cheater I ended the marriage. If my husband cheated on me it would be over.

Answer 7

Yes, I would end the marriage. If after only 5 years my spouse can't be faithful, there is not much hope for the future. And why stay, have kids later, and drag them into this? It would be my obvious choice to leave.

Answer 8

1. If I truly loved him, no. I don't think so.

2. Varying degrees and more than once, yes, probably. I'm a believer in second chances, but if we're talking 5th or 6th, I'd like to think I wouldn't be a fool.

Answer 9

Question One: Absolutley not. I would never betray my spouse in any way.

Question Two: Honestly, I would leave. If my spouse felt the need to go outside the marriage, then he should have the balls to be truthfull about it.

Answer 10

1. no. there is no way that you can truly be "in love" with two people at once. you can "love" more tha none person, but not be "in love" with two.
2. i would give them a second chance, but not a third. i would also make them do a bunch of crap to get me back. if they really wanted to work our relationship out, they would be willing to do anything. so if that meant checking in with me every single hour while away from me, then that's what they would have to do.