If I am pregnant, what should I do?

Question

I had sex with someone about 6 weeks ago, and I'm really scared I might be pregnant. I've been throwing up in the morning, and I missed my period. The main problem with this whole situation (aside from the possible pregnancy) is that I'm not of age yet. The other issue is that the man I had sex with is over age, and I'm scared he'd get in trouble if anyone found out he's the father. Not just legally, but at his job too. If I am pregnant, I don't want an abortion, I'm not all that religious, but I couldn't live with myself. I would consider adoption, but if there's any way I can I want to keep the baby. If anyone has any advice for me, please help. Oh, and don't bother answering if you're just going to call me a whore or a slut, I don't need that right now.

Well, right now I'm 15, and the guy is 26. I really do care about him, and I don't want him to get in trouble. He works at a place where if they found out about it he'd be in huge trouble, and no matter what would get fired and could never have the same type of job again. And I just took a home test thing, and it came back positive, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am pregnant, does it? Those things can have false positives, right?

I know I have another question that says I'm almost 18, but I lied about my age on that one because I didn't want people to call me a whore constantly. I get enough of that at school. Sorry about lying about my age, I was just scared.

Answer 1

Only you can decide what to do...if you are very young, don't keep the baby, it won't work for either of you. You need to get some adults (parents, counselors) to give you some advice...not strangers in a forum....

Answer 2

You are in a troubling situation, but what all the other answers have failed to tell you is that you are right in your concerns for the father of your child. Depending on where you live, his job is the last thing he'll have to worry about. If he is 26 and you are under the age of legal consent, he "will" go to jail. It doesn't matter if your parents press charges or not, the system will call him a pedaphile and he will be tried, convicted and sentenced to prison. If he raped you, then that's what should happen. If you and he had consensual sex (even if the law doesn't see it that way), then you need to protect both him "and" the baby, especially if you decide to keep the baby. Whether or not you marry him, do you want the baby's father to be a convict/ex-convict? On the other hand, has he had "consensual" sex with other minors? If you are the only one he's had sex with, then he may actually have a real love interest in you. If so, you need to address your pregnancy and yet keep the father of the baby to yourself. He needs to know that you are pregnant and the two of you need to sit down and discuss options. However, his identity, once released, will no longer be a secret and unless you trust your parents to keep that secret, his life will never be the same. If you decide to keep the baby, and he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life, then at least you'll know that your baby's biological father is not a convict and the door will still be open. If you, by your future actions, send him to prison, he will never see you, or the baby in a positive light. The law says you were too young to make a decision to have sex with an adult more than 5 years your senior, you decided the law was wrong, so you are equally guilty, but only he will pay the price for that decision. Be careful, once done you cannot undo anything you decide to do. Your parents, the social workers, the police and the doctors will all try to get you to provide the identity of the father, even telling you there are health reasons, but all their questions are simply to get the name of the man "guilty" or "responsible" for your situation. Once they have his name, it's over for him. You can always tell your parents his name after you're an adult or after the smoke has cleared and you're certain they are more interested in helping the two of you suceed than in punishing him for what "he did" to their daughter. Tread softly, but don't delay. You will soon lose the window of choice and you will have no option other than keeping the baby. My daughter went through a pregnancy believing it wouldn't be all that difficult...she aborted the next time she became pregnant because she realized just how serious an issue it was to raise and care for a child while still a child herself. Go into this with your eyes open.

Answer 3

You are NOT a whore but you or atleast the guy SHOULD have been MORE careful,thats all.FIrst go and see a doctor and make sure you are not stressing out over nothing,I had an abortion once and sometimes its BEST in this kinda situation.Does HE know you might be pregnant and what does he think,he isnt married or is he?You are just TOO young to cope with this,if you think an abortion is tough then I can quarantee you a PREGNANCY its MUCH tougher and what about even if you give the kid up YOU STILL will be a parent and this feeling will never fade so please CONSIDER abortion for your own sake....Furthermore you should really think with whom you get involved with,boys your own age are better but at age 15 you DONTneed to be sexually involved YET,you will have a whole life full of sexual experience when you are atleast 18 or 21,I dont wanna sound like your mum but enjoy life WITHOUT sex first,there are so many other things in life,ok and please get rid off this boyfriend whether you are pregnant or NOT.How about your parents,teachers at school or any close friends,get all the emotional support you need but NOT from the guy.Goodluck

Answer 4

Let's go orderly. You have been throwing up and did a home test thingy. From my view, you are pregnant. The thing can't give false positive everytime. and yes, he would get into trouble, a big trouble for having sex with an underage girl. He'll be jailed more than a year and fined. More than a year is not 1.5 year but 2-3 years... I don't know about the law there but this is what happen commonly. If you get an outsider to adopt the child, remember to buy like a necklace that has ur name engraved on it if you want to look for her when she's older. Look for someone reliable. Maybe you can chat with ur mum about it and see if she can help. One thing is, is that guy that u care for worth it? Is this relationship mutualistic? What does he do for a living? Can he be trusted, can he take care of you, did he made an oath or something? Does the guy know that you have a child? If he does, u may choose to discuss it with him and see what's his opinion. If he says, '' Abort it '', you can know right away that he's not a responsible guy and won't be constant in relationship. Don't be mesmerize by his sweet talk... he may say abort it and tell u watever later.... you will have emotional change and will have a very hot temper... that proves that you are pregnant. All the best to you and your child. God bless you. May god enlighten you to the correct path.

Answer 5

This situation happened to me and first of all I such say how sorry I am that you are having to face such adult issues. I thought about it a lot and (almost the whole nine months) and decided it was best to place my baby for adoption. I found a wonderful couple that loves me for me and lets me be a big part of their lives, as well as the babies. I know that it sounds hard-but believe me as a single mother (I parented my first child that I had at 18) it's a hard world to raise a child in when you are all alone. The best part about the adoption is that I gained some really great friends out of it and I will be forever grateful for what they have done for me.
Also, I think the chances of the pregnancy test not being right is not likely. I would go by another one and see, or just go the hospital and have a blood test done (they are really cheap- and you will know for sure!)
I would love to support you through this all! I hope the best you you and hope to hear from you soon!

Answer 6

I'm a mom of two, nearly 40 now. My husband suggested I respond to your question because you sound legit. The following is just my opinion and advice. I am not a professional counselor (that's my official disclaimer :)

#1 Confirm that you are indeed pregnant. There could be a number of medical issues that look like pregnancy. You need to take a drug store pee test - any brand will do. Take two if you want. If it's positive, then you are going to need to get in to a doctor (OBGYN) for an exam and official pregnancy test. After that, you'll need to follow the recommended amount of doctor check ups, and nutritional/health advice they will provide. Everything you eat or drink goes to the baby so take pre-natal vitamins, eat healthy and no alcholol or drugs. None!

#2 Are your parents cool - loving and supportive? If so, the first thing you should do, after confirming you are pregnant, is tell them. I know that sounds like a nightmare and I'm sure even if they're the greatest, it won't be fun, but you'll need them - emotionally and financially. Even if you decide on adoption, you will need them to pay for your medical care (or their health insurance plan that you are covered by).

Any parent no matter how great will probably freak out initially, but once they work through their own emotions, if they are good parents, they'll be thinking of what's best for you and their grandchild.

#3 Are you in love with the potential father? Does he feel the same towards you? Has he said it? If not, it is entirely up to you (and your parents) whether he needs to be involved in the pregnancy. Personally, I think he should know about it and be given the opportunity to "do the right thing", but what is the right thing to you? Do you really want to get married to this guy who sound smuch older than you? Is he single? Or would the right thing be that he provide child support? Would you want him to have visitation rights? These are the questions I have about him. I wouldn't be so concerned about getting him in trouble...he's a big boy. He needs to take responsibility for his actions just like you are. You don't have to go announcing it a his place of employment, and if your parents don't attack him (does your Dad have a temper?), they may not want him behind bars where he can't provide child support. I don't know about this though, so I really can't speak to it...he did break the law and I don't know how old either of you are or the situation.

#4 I don't know you so I would never judge you. This possibly mistake does not make you a whore, etc. If you were to say you weren't sure who the father is it could be 1 of several men...that might be a different story. But if it's not a Maury paternity test case, you just made a mistake. None of us is perfect - we've all made mistakes. But this is a mistake that affects not only your life, but the life of your child, your parents, the father...it's huge. Not to add to your stress, but it is life altering.

Parenthood is wonderful and difficult. It's hard even when you start at 29 years old like I did, married, with money in the bank. To be dealing with this under age...again, you can't do this alone. You need major support.

So, I hope your parents are stable, loving people and although none of this is my business...I'm proud of you for choosing to give this baby you helped create, a chance at a life instead of killing her or him. I'm not super religious either, but am a Christian (although rarely go to church) and know in my heart that if you aren't ready to raise this baby, you are doing the right thing in letting someone else have the honor of doing so.

So go to the drug store, take the test, talk to your parents (if you can) and pray!!! God bless you and be strong.

Answer 7

You need to confide in someone other than this forum. Call an adoption agency and speak with a pregnancy counselor -- no obligation, just talk.

If you have a trusted adult you can talk to, a close relative, that would be good, too.

You cannot worry about they guy getting into trouble. You need to worry about yourself. Decide what you are going to do. Likely you will not be allowed to have any contact with him at all. And yes, he could well get in some major trouble in many ways. He can also sue for custody (really!). These things turn very ugly sometimes.

You need some support now. Who can you turn to? Your parents? I wold strongly recommend it unless they are totally bizarre or unsupportive. You have plenty of time to make a final decision, but you need some help now just to deal with the pregnancy.

Adoption would be a likely good solution for the baby. It would be a huge deal to handle parenting alone, and with all the drama it would create. But you have to make that decision.

For the baby's sake, whatever you do, make the decision that is best long term for the baby!

Answer 8

well there's a lot of help out there, i know people with the same problem as you and have had their baby, the dad was also older, one thing you should know is that sex has responsibilities and consequences you are lucky in a way that you just got pregnant because you could of gotten an std. even a deadly one hiv. but you didnt' that's why i said you are lucky, i work at a community center so iknow there's help for young parents, they help you pay for babysittin, food stamps, wic etc. if you cant' afford it. what's done is done you can't do anything about it, if you want to keep your baby first thing is first, get a genecologist to check you and check your baby, abortion is a big decision as well as adoption but you can go trough the pregnancy and think if you want to give it up for adoption. take a pregnancy test and talk to your parents no matter what. belive me is the best thing you should do because not all pregnancies go well and you can losse the baby at any time and don't let them find out is better for you to talk to them, whatever you do , think about what you want dont' let anyone tell you what you should do , is your body and it is your child. hope everything turns out well.

Answer 9

That's a lot of questions. First off, yes is always yes in a pregnancy test.

Bless your heart. I am sorry you are so scared.

Please do not have an abortion. People like my sister are awesome aunts and want a baby more than life. So if you can't raise the baby, please give it a chance. Someone out there will love your baby more than life. They have been praying for years for a little one.

The main thing you need to do is tell your parents. They will help you.

I know you're 15 and scared. There's a reason this guy will get in trouble. He's old enough to know better. Your consent is not yours to give. He took advantage of your love and your innocence. He is NOT the place to turn for help. He will try to save his own tail and his job.

Turn to your parents quickly. I will be glad to email you and help you in anyway I can.

You are only 15 and this is too much for you to process. Your parents may be mad initially but they love you and will help you. Give them the chance to be upset and then when they calm down they will help. Don't make any rushed decisions. I will be praying for you and your baby. Take care of yourself and get help.

Answer 10

There are never false positives in pregnancy tests. You are pregnant. You need to think about what you plan on doing.
If you involve your family, the will find out the father of the baby is 26 and that constitutes statuatory rape. It is possible to go through the pregnancy and not name the father of the baby at all, so you don't implicate him, but it's going to be very difficult to keep such a secret. Adoption is an you may want to consider. See how much support your family is willing to give-good luck.

Answer 11

Yes, he can get in trouble, but usually only if your parents press charges. And because I don't know your parents, I'm not sure excactly how'll they'll react or what you can say to them, but be careful and take it slow if you have to. Let them get used to the idea of a baby before throwing that in the mix too.

Good for you for not choosing abortion, I'm feel the same way you do. After you talk to your parents, you'll need to figure out what's best for everyone (seeing as you're not of age, you can't get a full time job, and your parents would probably end up being at least partly finacially responsible for the baby).

If it comes down to it, and you do decide to place him/her up for adoption, there is a wonderful thing called Open Adoption in which your baby will know you are his/her birth mother, you'll get to see him/her if you choose, and keep in contact with his adoptive family, which might be something you'd be interested in. Good luck, one way or another, it will all work out.