Do you really have to "love yourself" before anyone else can love you, and before you can love anyone else?

Question

I know people who don't perfectly love themselves, but they are in loving relationships and often can show love to the other person better than to him/herself.
I also know people who don't love themselves very much (low self esteem, self abuse, lack of care) but other people love them.
So can you shine some light on this?

Answer 1

You don't have to, but you are more likely to have a strong lasting relationship if you feel good alone, do not have to completely depend on another person for you to feel happy or loved. The most successful relationships I have known are between two adults who are mature, have good self image and have lots to share with others.

Anyone can be capable of loving someone. Many times, people do love others more than themselves, and they can still be a part of a good relationship. Most parents love their children more then themselves, and that can be a good trait...they are more likely to do what is good for the child than make dumb relationship decisions just to please themselves. But the key is that you don't place all the responsibility for your own happiness on another persons shoulders. That is a tremendous pressure on a relationship, and if you don't think much of yourself, you can end up abused, cheated on, or constantly needy.

So if you feel you have value, deserve respect, love and trust, and you are willing to give the same, you will be much happier in the long run.

Answer 2

These people who love people that don't love themselves; guess wha,t they don't love them selves either! The question here is not that you love yourself perfectly, but that you care enough about your self, that you don't allow yourself to get caught in vicious cycles of love and hate relationships,with no one I mean no one, and not resenting the world for your mistakes; or those sins of others, that were put upon you. Most of the time when we see people in relationship with other people, who have self abuse issues, lack of care issues, more less cold and callous with addicttions, and etc... these people themselves have unresolved issues, therefore they find someone else issues to concentrate on, rather than to start the healing process within themselves. They look outside,themselves while trying to controll the other party when they themselves need healing; this the case of pot calling the kettle black, or better than that Jesus say's, why try and get the spinlter out of your brother's eye, when you have a log, he say's heal thy self first, then help your brother, there's a qoute in the bible that say's the blind can not lead the blind, oh how true the spirtual mind and eyes has been halted in these cases, and i am not saying that a person in a relationship like this will be deadly, or the person of with issues can't find someone who's healthy, but there are two things that will happen, one the healthy person will leave quickly, or become as sick or sicker than the one with issues. of such a grandeur state no one is perfect but choose wisely.

Answer 3

No. I am not saying it isn't good to love yourself, but it is not a prerequisite for a romantic relationship, especially because often, someone else loving you or you loving someone else comes first : loving someone who loves you can help you love yourself by showing you that you are lovable. However some people don't want to love anyone who loves them because they so firmly believe that they are not lovable that they automatically don't trust anyone who loves them or they think someone who loves them must not be a very cool person. And it is important at least to respect yourslef before you go into a relationship, so that you don't just get with someone who will boss you around or push you sexually.

Answer 4

Psychology can be very interesting because you just do not know what is actually going on in the minds of individual. There are many people who would only show their good side. So they would show love because love is a good thing. And when people teach them or tell them to love themselves, amazingly they can do that. Not because they truely love themselves but they love that person so much that they are willing to listen to that person who tells them to love themselves. Many people suffer from rejection.

Answer 5

I can't say it much better than XP and Closeatheart. What's with the idea of loving youself perfectly? Or loving someone else perfectly? No one and nothing is perfect, and why should it be. You love people because they are not perfect. No one does everything just right, and those people appear to, well, people are looking for the crack in their wall! Perfection itself is imperfect because nobody can stand it!

Answer 6

u really do need to love ur self before someone else b/c they will more than likely be more protective of the other and think that the person will get over them quickly. they might love the other but its easier if they feel that the person wont abandon them and fell like they could find someone better if it didnt work out

Answer 7

I certainly think the second part of your statement is right - that you must love yourself before you can love another.

The catch in not loving yourself is that you tend to push anyone away who loves you. Why? Because you do not see yourself as lovable, and so the other person must have something wrong with them if they love you. Or, you do not think you deserve their love, and push them away to punish yourself further.

That's a deep pit to crawl out of.

Answer 8

I am one of those people who believes that you should love yourself, but can also love other people. What the statement "love yourself before anyone else can love you" basically means that you need to be happy and secure in yourself first before you can offer happiness to someone else.

Answer 9

The light would be.- You can not love yourself or anyone truly until you love our Creator (Also known as Krishna,Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, etc.)We don't really know what real live is in this material world. It is a perverted reflection of the true love which can only be experienced on the pure platform of transcendence. Sounds complicated but it is simple for the simple. We have to place our love in God first and as we truly understand His unlimited mercy and love then we can love ourselves and others. Otherwise our love is superficial and really a type of lust. (for our own sense gratification. For info on how to understand this read Bhagavad Gita as it is By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada on line on asitis.com or go to harekrishnatemple.com for info. I love you. How do I know? because I know that you are part and parcel of the Supreme God. We are all just conditioned by different degrees of material illusion. We can realize our true self by chanting the maha mantra(The great mantra for deliverance from material existence). for details on the mantra write me for the link.

Answer 10

I am one of those persons who sometimes say that i do not love myself and as i saw your question i realize that it is not that i do not love myself but that i am sometimes angry or disappointed at myself for the way i handled a situation and i think this can happen to other people as well.