what do i do about my mom?

Question

so me and my husband got married this march and didnt tell our parents bc we knew that they proly wouldnt approve bc we were not financially ready. my husband has a serious back injury and he has been out of work for the last 6 months. he feels horrible about it and workers comp is not paying him bc they are saying they need more evidence blah blah. he also cannot get treatment bc of this but he is getting a lawyer and working on it. anyways my mother decided to call him a few days ago and freak out on him like a child. she said he stole me from her and that he should have never married me and that he is taking advantge of me and that he needs to step up and stop being a loser and scremed at him and hung up without letting him get a word in. i am so disgusted she wotn even talk to me or call to apologize. i left her a message telling her i want nothing to do with her anymore . i know sghe does love me but i cant believ she would do this to my husband and me. he is so depressed now

Answer 1

As a Mother I can tell you first hand she should stay out of your business, but as a Mother this is something that would concern me also for my daughter. Go easy on her, she is just being a Mother. I do hope she and you can find a common ground because right now you both are hurting.

Answer 2

Should your mother have done that? Of course not! Having said that ley me clue you in to being an adult....and far more importantly a mother! I will not pretend to know why you two would get married at such a difficult point in your( now )husband's life, being hurt and not on workman's comp! Nor will I assume why he isn't getting workman's comp, which usually isn't a problem as long as he has gone to the doctors as instructed and been willing to work in any capacity acceptable to the workman comp doctors and still was in too much pain! Aside from all that, I am glad that you stand beside your husband, but speak carefully when you say you want nothing to do with your mother anymore! Being the mother of three grown married daughters myself, I know how hard it can be to keep my maternal keep my little girl safe speeches to myself, because altho your mother went too far, she is obviously worried about you and the situation you decided to marry into. Call her or better yet go to her home and sit down and explain to her what is going on with your husband's problems, assure her that you are alright with the situation and that you undertsand her concern. "Anymore" is forever , and if you claim to be responsible enough to marry thus assuming being an adult, then you must also assume that one day, you will wish to share the joys of your life with your mother again, and sooner than later for a good talk will head both of you in that direction. You have every right to tell her she was not being fair in hanging up on your husband with out letting him respond to her ,I assume, accusations, and that you will not appreciate her doing that . Good luck with your life.

Answer 3

Recovering from a back injury is hard enough. Having a parent upset doesn't help. Speaking as someone who has had a back injury in the past, and as a mother in law, I can appreciate both issues. Your mom is hurt and angry, Honey. Granted, how she handled it wasn't the best judgement, but when a parent feels betrayed they don't always act the way that we would hope. She is probably just as depressed as your husband is that you left her out of your plans. Give it some time. After things cool down, set up a time to meet with her and talk. Don't sever your relationship. My mother is dead. I'd give anything to even have a fight with her, I miss her terribly. I hope the best for your husband. Be supportive of him, but get some assistance if you can.

Answer 4

Well, The best thing to do is Kill your mother... WITH KINDNESS! Call her, and don't say "i want nothing to do with you".. call her and leave on her message "I'm sorry and I love you"... if she doesn't forgive you, it's not on you anymore, it's on her. (you never know what tomorrow holds)....Mother's will always try to look out for their children. It may not be that she doesn't like your husband, it's just she feel like you left her out. About the financial thing... Being married is expensive, even through love, children, and all other good things. She may have wanted you to save up a little more before getting married. Any-who, pray about it, and ask God for Wisdom and to restore the relationship between your mother, husband and you!... May God continue to Bless you and your family!

Answer 5

You probably won't understand why your mom is acting this way until you have children of your own.
We all want what's best for our children and we want them to have a better life than the one we've had.
Your mother is probably very disappointed at the choices that you've made and maybe she blames herself for it and can't stand it so she called up your husband and vented on him.

But try and see things from her point of view.
By you and your husband marrying in private you gave her the impression that you knew you were going against her best wishes and doing something you weren't supposed to do and you did it anyway.
So she probably feels that it must be a really bad decision to marry him if you took the necessary steps to hide it from her until all was said and done.
She's just worried about you and cares about you and want what's best for you.
If she didn't she wouldn't say anything and would let you do whatever you want.
So in my opinion if you stop seeing your mom because of this you will only cause more sadness between the two of you and in the future the both of you will truely regret it.
So give your mom another chance and talk things out with her she's probably scared for you right now and just needs to know that you'll be OK.
If I had had a mom who cared about me I would never have left her for anything.
So your lucky that your one of the ones who has a mom who cares and maybe she doesn't show it the right way but at least she does.

Answer 6

Okay, put yourself in her shoes for a moment, I know you want an apology, but I feel you guys should apologize first since you guys sneaked getting married and right now she is probably hurt about that and that is why she lashed out on him, you guys should talk and remember she's a mom and she wants the best for you and even if your 50yrs old , you are still gonna be her baby.

Answer 7

My mom bothers me too sometimes, although I am not married.

For me, I try not to make myself feel any worse or more guilt than I alread do. Now though, you told her that you will not talk to her anymore. Perhaps you could writer her a letter, explaining why you feel the way you do; and that you love your husband, which in this day and age of broken marriages, she should feel grateful about.

Answer 8

Write you mom a letter telling her how you feel about she has done and it has cost her the relationship between the two of you. Make a copy of your letter to keep on hand. Lay all on the line she has really messed up things for the two of, yep when you think things couldn't get any worse, your mom placed her nose into things, that was really wrong and she needs to grow up ans stay out of your business.

Answer 9

It sounds like your Mom is trying to protect/defend you. She's probably really frustrated that your husband is not able to work right now and support you.

Good luck

Answer 10

It sounds like you and your man need to become independent of your parents - FAST!

I think your mom is just yanking your collective chains to see if you can make your relationship last!