I was really hurt and angry when I recently found out that my parents still have a relationship with my ex-husband who was physically and emotionally abusive to me while we were married. I did not tell them about the abuse until we were divorced. Yet even after I told them about it, they still have a relationship with him which they have been purposely keeping from me because 'they knew it would upset me'. I'm happily remarried and have been trying to move on with my life but it's hard when I feel like I can't trust my family. I'm feeling betrayed by my parents.
2007-06-23 12:39:27 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have no children.
When I confronted my parents about it, they said I needed to 'respect them and that 'they don't care about my feelings'.
I was not a spoiled child. My mother was abusive (physically and emotionally) when I was younger and living at home and although I tried to talk to my dad about it several times back them, he would only say ' I can listen if you need to talk, but she's my wife'.
2007-06-23 13:06:44 · update #1
I completely understand and agree with you. Your parents are being disrespectful and betraying your trust. I am sorry for the hurt this is causing you. I would consider telling them how you feel. If you do and they will not break off contact w/ this person, I would consider breaking off contact with them....Thank goodness that you have your true love to count on!
2007-06-23 12:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is kind of a touchy subject.
I understand you wanting you to break of all contact with your ex.
Depending on how long you two were married, may be why they choose to remain friends with him.
Why they did (being he was abusive to their own daughter) that, I don't understand at all.
I do think they should of never hidden it from you.
I can see where that would make you mistrust them.
Are there kids with the ex? If so, is he is still in the picture by that connection, maybe they want to remain on friendly terms because of their grandkids.
If they choose to remain friends, the only thing you can really do is not visit when he is around, I guess.
You only have one set of parents in your lifetime.
If you would choose to break that off, you would be losing a lot more than just an abusive ex.
I wish you all the best.
2007-06-23 12:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right in the world to feel betrayed. Family betrayal is the worst. In my opinion, your parents are condoning your ex's behavior by having a relationship with him. Why is your ex's relationship so important to your parents? Ask them some time. Out of respect for you & your new husband, they shouldn't have any contact with your ex at all. What hold does your ex have over your parents? Shame on mom & dad. I'd feel the same way as you if I was in your shoes & it'd be hard to ever trust your parents again.
2007-06-23 12:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel the exact same way. Your parents are betraying you, by remaining friends with someone who abused you. I'm sorry they have made this choice.
Congratulations, on ending the abuse, and finding someone who does respect you...
It's my guess that maybe your parents have not treated you with respect throughout your life, and perhaps this is why you chose to marry an abuser the first time around... Just a thought.
2007-06-23 12:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mel W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's messed up. A parent is supposed to protect their child to their last breath. Your dad should have wanted to beat the crap out of that guy when he found out he abused you. My goodness. I don't even know what to say to that. I would feel betrayed and hurt. You should tell them how you feel. Maybe, just maybe, they don't quite understand the abuse part of what happened. Maybe they thought you were being a little bit drama and didn't take you seriously.
2007-06-23 12:45:18 · answer #5 · answered by CHH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a little girl anymore. As a matter of fact you stated your Happily Remarried!!!! It looks like you have already moved on with your Life, perhaps your X is having a hard time doing that...
I understand you left him for his physically and emotional abuse, but your marriage to him is over and now you need to stay focused with your New Husband......
2007-06-23 13:09:09 · answer #6 · answered by Mona Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a mother I could NEVER accept someone who's abused my child. I have no idea why your parents would have anything to do with him. I would be hurt and upset about this too. You need to have a serious discussion with them and let them know your feelings about this and hopefully they will see that they're wrong. Good Luck!
2007-06-23 12:48:57 · answer #7 · answered by Missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing those of you replying that it isn't any of her business who her parents befriend are either clueless, ignorant, or you've done the same thing to your friends or family.
Family loyalty means nothing to some people.
I have undying devotion and trust in my family. I would defend them to the last. Some people have no idea what family loyalty is and probably never will.
Older people think they know everything and that everyone younger than them should bow in adoration and respect.
I got news for you... being older than me doesn't earn my respect for you.
I show respect to my family simply because they are my family. That in and of itself has earned my respect. My family doesn't have to earn my respect like Joe Blow on the street.
If you think you should have to earn the respect of your family, then your family is truly dysfunctional. Being of the same blood is enough for me to have respect.
It seems some of the replies to this question are from people who must be in some pretty messed up families.
2007-06-23 13:21:06 · answer #8 · answered by DragonOpinion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried telling them that you feel uncomfortable with it?? Some parent, like mine, can be somewhat oblivious. Maybe just because they know what has happened in the past, they don't think that it will bother you because you got over it. If you go up to them and actually talking to them about it, they might see it from a different light and stop all connections with him.
2007-06-23 12:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by sampolo193 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's sad is that, even though you have known for years that your parents are seriously messed up, and have no regard for your feelings or well-being, you still want and expect them to act like normal, loving parents. It's not going to happen with these people, and if you can't let them go, it's going to affect your current marriage/family. I would recommend the book, Bad Childhood, Good Life, by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Good luck to you.
2007-06-23 17:46:54 · answer #10 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋