I have been having an affair with a man for 9 months now. Please do not pass judgement..we fell in love with eachother. No children involved. I left my husband when I started having feelings for this other man, and at that point I knew I could not possibly love my husband if I had feelings for someone else so I left him, because I did not want to cheat. My affair man has been staying in a hotel for the past 2 weeks, he told his wife there was someone else, he wanted a divorce and he loved her but was not in-love with her. I feel sad for her that this is happeneing but; I love him so much my heart says to hang in there. She is begging him to hang in there, she does not want the divorce, and he feels so guilty for being in love with me and divorcing all together. He is out of town for 1 week and he is supposed to have it all figured out when he gets back.. he's not a bad guy, he has never done anything like this before.I am just having a really hard time going though this will he leave?
2007-06-23 11:38:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel that it was good to leave your husband to be fair since you were having feelings for someone else. Now the ? is will he leave his wife? You have to be prepared to live your life alone for now if he choses not to. You should never rely on someone else to make you happy. If it works out it was mean to be. If not then you will meet someone else down the road. I think he needs to make sure this is what he really wants to do before leaving his wife. She probably asked him to go through counseling and if so you should let him and see how it goes. My sister in law went through the same thing and he decided to stay with his wife but couldnt stop thinking about my SIL and kept talking to her and 2 months later they got a divorce and she is with him now so you never know but be prepared and don't make yourself sick.
2007-06-24 05:20:18 · answer #1 · answered by travelgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left your husband because you didn't want to cheat but you've been seeing a married man for 9 months? How is that not cheating? I'm confused? How do people get themselves into these situations? He's married and so were you when you two met, you two never should have started seeing each other and now two families and countless lives are ruined so that you two can be "in love"...all I can say is if he does pursue a divorce than the both of you need serious counseling to prevent this from happening again when and if you two ever marry...good luck to you!
2007-06-23 18:44:01 · answer #2 · answered by juda75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People here are being really awfull. You can't help how you feel. You did the right thing leaving your husband for the reason you did. It was a brave thing to do and the right one regardless of what happens next. You should be aware, though, that most married men don't leave their wives. Decide now what you will do if he doesn't. I suggest you end it there and then. The biggest problem with having an affair with a married man is that by doing it you are showing him you are willing to be second best in his life. You'd better hope he feels the same way about you and is man enough to leave his wife for you and start a new life with you. If he doesn't leave her now, he never will.
2007-06-23 19:01:56 · answer #3 · answered by Shimrit 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I read through some of the answers you've gotten........... and I have to admit that I agree with them all. It is selfish to have an affair with a married man... just like it was selfish on his part to do it too.
What happened to the vow you took to your husband? Why do you think that just cuz you have the hots for someone you can break your word? And what about him? How can you say that you love someone........... when love is about trust and compassion... when you SEE for yourself how little value HE placed on HIS vows.
This is between you, your husband, your lover, his wife, and God............. I am no angel, but I have never once gone against my word. When my word is given you can bet your life that I will do everything in my power to see it through. People who can chose what commitments they want to keep and what ones they can break are about worthless.
You asked if he'll leave you? Frankly, I'd be surprised if he isn't out of town nailing some other girl. How can you say that he loves you? Obviously love for him........ and perhaps you....... is a matter of convience and not about true feelings. You've lost your ability to tell the difference between love and lust. You want this to be love so that in your head its a noble thing that you are doing... but meanwhile its just something dirty and wrong.
If he doesn't leave you now, he will eventually. He'll either worry that you will cheat on him like you did your husband, since you've shown that your vows mean nothing to you.... OR he'll cheat on you since he's shown that he isn't man enough to stand by his word.
Its not too late. Certainly your husband probably doesn't want you back... but if I were you I'd consider getting out of both of these relationships... spend some time considering what you want people to see you as, and move forward from there. Are there issues of insecurity that make you do this? Address them before you destroy anyone else's life.
Good luck to you....... and God bless you.........
2007-06-23 19:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course you are having a hard time you are instrumental in altering two peoples lives. Your heart isn't what's saying hang in there because your heart knows that you could be she in a few years. I am not judging you but I am judging him. He has lied to his wife, how do you know this is the first time he has done this. No matter who initiated the affair you both knew it was not proper. Best wishes I hope it all pans out. Regardless of his decision you need to agree to in and leave it alone
2007-06-23 18:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by Michael B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unlikely... He may well end his marriage down the road, but the one he has the affair with (you) is called "the bridge out of the marriage." Forbidden fruit, lust, and all that stuff. "Bridges" when one leaves, rarely last more than two years, since there was no foundation.
We all get feelings for others, and if we are smart, we bury them, since so many people get hurt. The only way your relationship would ever work is if he had left the marriage, and then met you. But he did not. You, she, and him, will all be hurt. No judgment, just fact.
2007-06-23 18:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are having an affair, want the man to choose you and expect people not to pass judgment. Ha! No one really knows. Frankly if he is taking a while to decided chances don't look good. It would serve you right.
2007-06-23 18:43:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be getting cold feet and decided to stay with his wife. Especially if he has children or property that he shares with her. It would cost him more in every respect to leave than to stay. He probably left for a week to clear his head.
2007-06-23 18:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by A M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is taking time to think about it, chances are, he will not leave his wife.
2007-06-23 18:50:22 · answer #9 · answered by lisaraye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
9 months he should have made his mind up by now. one week more???
2007-06-23 18:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by PETER J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋