Help I fell in love with a married man?

Question

I am a single parent and i take care of my mother, i moved to ca from ny 6 years ago dont know anyone dont have any friends, my mom got sick and had to send her to nursing home, i see her everyday and love her very much, my kids are big and dont live with me, i met this man when i needed someone there i didnt expect to fall in love with him but it happend and everyday that goes by i feel really bad for his wife but he tells me that they dont have anything there anymore, i am so scared to loose him because i have no one and dont want to be alone, i know is bad but this man has been there for me when my mom almost died, when i slepped in the hospital floor near my mom this man would come visit and when i was feeling sad and depress he would be there for me. i dont know what to do , is been a year that he has been helping me deal with my problems, he says that he loves me and dont want to loose me but , i dont know what to do and how to let this go. he has been there 4 me. help pls

Answer 1

Let me begin by saying that I pray for your mom's health, and you are to be commended because although as adults we should take care of our elderly parents, not enough of us do it.
When we feel vunerable, we tend to ignore what we really don't want to see.
Your need to feel wanted, and loved has not allowed you to see the true picture. There is no judgement here, but I want to let you know, that this man is not going to leave his wife for you. You clearly said it has been a year, and if he hasn't done anything about it for a year, do you think he will?
Yes, he has "been there" for you, but you have been there for him as well. Think of all the times you gave yourself to him, and then he's gone home to his other life.
Please don't settle. There is someone for you. If you believe in a higher power, then you have to believe through him all things are possible. He has brought your mom through, he will do the same for you.
Letting go means you will hurt for a while, but weeping endures only for a night , but joy comes in the morning sweetheart.
You deserve better.
Also, think about this, what if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was your husband giving comfort to someone else?
No matter what kind of situation this man is in with his wife, she doesn't deserve what's happening to her either.
Please try to let go, and if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your child/children. They don't deserve to see you hurting when you realize that he will not leave his wife. You always want to be a role model for your children because as parents we must always lead by example.
Good Luck to you, and if you would like to talk please contact me.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

You are the booty call, hon. Get your own guy. There are tons of great men on Yahoo Personals, Match.com, e-harmony who are in the same boat you are. In your place, I'd consider the following:

1. Obviously, your self - esteem is in the toilet. Get into some counseling to find out why you don't think you deserve happiness with an available guy.
2. Put up a great ad in Yahoo. or any of the others. Get some great photos taken, read what other women say about themselves. About $20 a month.... cheap. If you don't have a killer smile, get one at the best cosmetic dentist in your area. Beautiful teeth radiate health, and healthy, hon is sexy. Nothing else matters more that a beautiful smile... trust me.
3. Loose some weight if you need to, tone up at the gym, buy some nice casual clothes, have your hair and make-up done by pros... and don't say you are tooooo old... I'm older than you are sweetie, and I have no problems finding a guy. (Met my husband of 18 years with personal advertising. When that was over, the guy I am with now, met on Yahoo... perfect for me. We have been together now into the third year. I too left and came to a place in which I knew no one....... )

Realize something, sweetie. He may indeed care for you, but if he leaves his wife, you are what is called "The bridge out of the marriage" and those rarely last much longer than 2 years.... there was no foundation, no honesty, just deceit on your part as well as his. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Don't know. What I do know is that it's a HUGE waste of time. More times as not these guys are looking for some strange to feel more alive or to feel as though they "still got it". They are neither interested in nor are they planning to leave their wives. No matter what they have told you or how sincere they sounded when the said it, its not going to happen. Conversely, some women enjoy the noncommitted nature of seeing a married man. They get the once or twice weekly booty call to satisfy their needs and they can be who they are without the intrusion of a man telling them what they can and can not do. Final word: most people cannot handle casual sex. One will always get more attached than the other and, eventually, feelings will get hurt and hurt bad. More times as not, its the family of the cheating man who gets caught in the crossfire.

Answer 5

Well I have been there before myself and I got so caught up in it and liked him and liked the sex so much that I was blinded. I was in a dangerous triangle with future consequences that I did not see yet,besides getting pregnant with his child and losing it (miscarried). I am also a single mom.He said that his wife would have to understand when he would go to see his child. I dont know,but being someone who is on the outside of the situation and has been in it before, please just be careful and decide to love and respect yourself enough to see that you can find someone who is available.Here are my idea s on it- He knows you are in a vulnerable situaiton and dont have anyone else, two- he knows that you are putting up with the situation and he is lying to another woman and if he can lie to her he can lie to you just as easily.Do you want him to end up with you, if he can lie to her and stay with her when he is seeing you then what if he does it to you?Say you two get together,what if he ends up unhappy with you or you dont make love to him one night and then he has to have someone else(then you would be wondering where he is), and ask yourself, am I the first woman he has done this to while he is married or am I second or fifth?? Does he have any diseases-what if he does and doesnt know it-he will give it to you and his wife,and yet he most likely will deny it-that happened to me. Is your precious life that God gave you, really worth all the trouble and heart ache,? You can go to God and pray that he will help you in this situation ,and bring you comfort -with your situation with your mom ,and he can bring you a good female friend. I am just throwing out ideas so I hope you dont feel judged or preached at, that is not my intention at all.
Does he say-"I am not in love with her anymore",I am going to leave, just wait and see"or, I need time to get a plan worked out"? Does he compare things about you to things about her,does he say" you understand me". Do you ever think that you are so much better for him than her-I use to think that myself,but some food for thought, -he is not committed to you legally,financially so that has bearing on the situation, and is he really truly thinking of others, I mean he has been supportive it sounds like, but the fact is that he is not thinking deeply about how you or his wife and the people around him who are getting hurt or going to be. Mainly it is just plain wrong. When he is not with you and is with her he cant talk on the phone.he wont answer and then it makes you crazy thinking about how he might be comforting her or pleasuring her the way he has you. You deserve someone who you are not sharing and who is into you 100%, not 5% here and 90% there, you deserve someone that wants only you ,and isnt going to tell you everything you want to hear to get their way, but they are going to do stuff with no hidden agendas attached. Remember in life that a person's actions are what you need to look at not their words alone.Actions and words must match up to each other.Alison

Answer 6

First of all I feel so sorry for you because if nothing was there anymore why is he still there I know she is sick or the kids are some other lame excuse to keep using you. You a very low selfesteem to take a piece of man than no man at all. You have a lot of fearing and scared to look life face to face and say lets rumble is playing second fiddle fun. Using your precious body as a pressure releaser I know he says we don't even have sex wrong.Being there for use is only right when you are his mistress he is suppose to. You don't really care about that other women are yourself you are selfish and makes it hard for men to be faithful because they know from his story you can always find someone weak other than your wife to sleep with. I bet you have dreams of him being your husband what comes around goes around and you and him will get it good sooner than later. You have to let him go he will never let you go got his cake and eating it too and probably have more pies in the freezer. Don't waste your life be strong don't continue to be weak to let him go you must cut off all contacts are it will never work I know by experience it will be hard but you can do it for yourself you have missed several moment to meet your husband by sleeping with some elses husband. Work on loving you are you unattractive or do you think your over or under weight do you seem so afraid and sad God please help this lady love herself and accept herself so that she can get a man than really loves and and respect her. Love is action if he really loves you and not her anymore let him prove it than make you a mistress booty call. instant message me if you need someone to talk to or a positive friend to help you get through this I minister to women all over the world and encourage them to love themself and put you and your feeling first you sre worth way more than this set it all on the line and see what he says keep me posted be blessed

Answer 7

If he's the kind of man who would do this to his wife because he's bored with her, what guarantees would you have that he'd treat you any differently? If there's nothing there in his marriage, it's because he isn't making the effort. It takes TWO to make a relationship work. Just because you don't want to be alone is no reason to get involved with a married man, especially when there are so many other options. Time to start going out and meeting other people. Try singles clubs and also other groups of people who share your interests. Once you find that there are lots of other people who will be there for you, you'll see that you don't have to settle for an affair that is probably going nowhere. You can do this...just have faith in yourself.

Answer 8

I know it will be painful and very difficult because it sounds like you're going through a very hard time and don't have a good support system... but you must end it with this man. If there is "nothing there" with his wife anymore then he wouldn't still be married to her (even for the sake of kids). He would have left if he really truly wanted to have something healthy with you. It sounds to me like he is using you as a distraction and you are needing him as a distraction as well. It's not healthy love. It's desperation. It's neediness. Let him go... no matter how painful... so that GOD can bless you with someone who will be only yours and will not hide you on the side.

Best wishes.!

Answer 9

Society says "what goes around, comes around" and God says "you will reap what you sow"......this is a universal law that never changes. You need to get out of this man's life and avoid being the source of another broken home, because if you don't, your own home, whenever you do settle down and become situated, won't stand either.....if he loves and wants to be with you as much as he says he does, then he will follow proper protocol and divorce his wife to pursue a relationship (actions like this will ALWAYS speak louder than those three little words that anybody can coo outta their mouth) with you, and most of the time, men know it's more economically feasible to just stay married and still have side dishes like you to snack on......if he can be unfaithful to his wife, then he will surely be unfaithful to you......he is taking advantage of the vulnerable moments of your life, he is nothing more than predator seeking prey......wisen up, woman!

Answer 10

All married men say that. That must be the code of the married man. If he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you if he leaves her for you. I think you need to find someone single. I'm sure there are a lot of things in ca that you havn't seen yet all because this married man can only take you to certain places. Really give this some thought.