Do you think it is rude to ask someone about their disability?

Question

I was born with a malformation on my brainstem. As a result, I have facial paralysis and some visual problems. My disability is somewhat noticeable to others, depending on how long you look at me. People have on occasion asked me about it. My friends and I disagree on whether it is out of line. Personally I'm not really bothered. I feel that if it starts a dialogue it's a good thing. What is your opinion on this?

Thanks in advance.

By the way, the people I'm talking about are just random strangers or people I've only known a short time.

Answer 1

If you feel ok then it isn't. It is an opportunity to open a dialogue - as you said. I guess if I were you, I wouldn't think it is rude but at the same time, I wouldn't want just about every Tom Dick and Harry to come up and ask me either.

If it is an genuine interest to know more about your disability then it is a good thing, don't you think? It really depends on who they are and the spirit of the question.
There is a difference between "Hey! What's wrong with your face?" and "Can I ask you what makes your face becomes paralysed like that?"

I am all for people asking questions - education about disability is a good thing. But there also the fine line regarding rudeness when total strangers just come up and ask AT YOUR INCONVENIENCE as if you have no right to some privacy. (eg you are in the middle of having lunch with your friend in a restaurant and people just walk up to your table and ak you - now, THAT'S RUDE)

Answer 2

My best anecdote: My mother has macular degeneration, a visual disability. When some years ago a friend who was staying with me asked at breakfast, "Is your mother blind?" I began answering, "Well, yes and no." And before I could continue, he responded, "That explains a lot." He was perfectly sincere--and compared to being totally blind, being visually handicapped IS yes and no!

As for your question: If it's appropriate or even necessary to find out just what your disability IS, or how extensive, it's not essentially rude. (Any question can be ASKED rudely, but that's another matter.)

On the other hand, I'd figure that if an acquaintance knows you well enough to ask how, where, and/or how long ago you got your sweater, or lapdog, or computer, then and only then do they know you well enough to ask how you got your disability. Always assuming that's not for some reason a necessary part of the first kind of question above.

Answer 3

I don't think I've ever been offended by someone asking (BTW I have a form of muscular dystrophy and use a wheelchair) unless they do it in a really rude and offensive way. As others have said, it provides the opportunity to educate the person asking the question. And, if someone bothers to ask the question in a nice manner, they must have some interest in me as a person. Actually, in thinking about it, I remember many times when someone wanted to ask but ended up doing so in a very convoluted way, like they weren't sure how to phrase the question and were very afraid of offending me.

Answer 4

I would say that it is not rude to ask if you are trying to assist the person or otherwise gain valid information for them..But as just a curiosity it seems a little crass. I mean that for example, I worked for an airline for many years and often had to ask people what their disability was and how they wanted/needed help. That was not an invasion of anything.

Answer 5

I have no problem with people asking about my disability, I'm legally blind. Went into a store one time , looking for my mother, who was in a wheelchair at the photo studio. Said to the clerk where is the photo studio pls and she said what are you blind ? And I said yes I am, boy did she go pale. The manager nearby went red, walked me over to the photo studio apologizing the whole time.

My mum as I said was in a wheel chair and it was hysterical to hear little kids , especially those in strollers say to my mum, I want one of dose. Parents would speed up, go shhhh and act like it was something horrible. My mum would say I don't think so sweetheart.

One kid in a motorized chair came up to her and said wanna race? And my mum said nah daughter won't let me.

She would answer questions if people asked and had a sense of humour about her disability, which she acquired later in life.

Said to me that she never let me be a victim in my disability so she sure wasn't going to become one herself.

If people don't ask questions they'll never know and knowledge is power and with knowledge disabilties are a lot less frightening.

Answer 6

Personally, I don't mind if someone asks me what my disability is or how it happened (head injury/TBI). Many people feel embarrassed about asking about a disability and are afraid of offending the person with the disability. I have found that if I make a joke about my TBI, the person/people I've been talking to who don't know me well, become embarrassed and uncomfortable, and either look at me like I've suddenly grown a third leg, or talk to me like my IQ has dropped to negative 12.

Answer 7

You have obviously been well brought up & realise that there's more to a person than how they look.
My stepdaughter is 23 & has severe learning disabiities .Some people stare when we are out & about but Jenny just smiles at everyone.She's a beautiful person & the world is a better place for her being in it

Answer 8

I think it's okay to ask if it is asked in a respectful manner. As you said, it starts the dialogue, and it keeps them from assuming things that aren't true.

I have many friends that have different types of disabilities, and so long as your questions show genuine concern, and are not meant to be judgmental, then it's okay.

Answer 9

I agree with you--I have no problem with (polite) questions about my visual impairment. And you are absolutely right--it is an opening to start a dialogue.

However--that's in informal conversation. Under many formal situations (e.g. a job interview or interview with a college you're applying to) it is not only out of line, it is illegal (and should be).

Answer 10

I don't think it is, unless, someone asks very immaturely about it...something like..."why're you crippled?". You know...

I would encourage people to learn a lot about each other's disability. If it goes off hand, however, just discontinue the discussion and talk with your Dr, family, closest friends instead.

Good luck, n stay strong! ;-).