I'm a high school art teacher, an out lesbian and in a good long term relationship. A 17 year old girl in my class came out to me and subsequently fell in love with me. My problem is that, after coming out, she stopped working in my class. She turns up drunk at my house when she knows my partner is not home. Her parents have threatened legal action and because of my position and 'out' status, i'm at the losing end.
I try to get her cooperation, but the more i engage, the less concerned she is about her work. I've tried ignoring her, but it does not work either. She only goes out of the way to get my attention, and then rubs it in my face. She has loads of talent and i don't want to force her to take another subject.
I am the only gay teacher at a very conservative school in South Africa.
HELP!
2007-06-23 09:24:21 · 15 answers · asked by Kariana S 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
sadly the school does not have a counsellor. i have already mentioned the situation to the headmaster, who said there is nothing to do but wait and see what happens.
2007-06-23 09:41:02 · update #1
This one's easy, you have to break her heart. It'll suck but she'll get over it.
As for her coming to your door, don't answer it. However I doubt if you talk to her and tell her that although she's a great student you cannot and will not do anything ever beyond that that she'll still come to you.
You have to be the adult and stop enabling her.
2007-06-23 12:51:40 · answer #1 · answered by Luis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a nasty one. I hope you mean set her straight you mean get her back to her studies not try to turn her heterosexual. I mean of all the people to understand about questions on sexual orientation you have common ground.
You need as distasteful or calculating it may seem to get the parents and school head involved in forming a workable strategy in getting this girl back to studies.
For her parents to have faith in you, and to get them involved in the solution you must demonstrate a reserved detachment, at best being a big sister figure for her. The head teacher needs to be involved should the whole thing not work in an expected manner.
The girl also needs to be told that she's not your type. Once that rather massive hurdle is acomplished everything else may seem a walk in the park.
You say that the parents have threatened legal action, have they done anything to help the situation or are they avoiding any responsibility for their daughters actions and orientation ? It's always easier to blame a 3rd person for what they see as their daughters corruption and slide into a 'sexual depravity and shame'. Are they looking for an easy answer ?
Besides I can't help but wonder in this situation what good would result in legal action. By the sounds of things you don't appear to be trying to seduce the girl, in fact quite the opposite.
I hope things work out for you and the girl, but I think that by the time this is over, you'll be sick to death of it.
2007-06-23 16:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by Vogon Poet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd write to the head of the school and reiterate your situation, and request a written response, as this situation is very difficult.
Also, show that your concern is for your pupil to have the best education that she needs, and that you believe a strategy is needed, in order to provide this for her.
This may push him/her into doing something more proactive than just letting things roll and seing how they turn out. I don't know legislature in South Africa, but her behaviour may border on harrassment, which the school / police and parents need to deal with.
By pushing the head and the police to formally do something, you have then distanced yourself from further liability. You're out, so there are no surprises here about your sexuality, and you should not have to suffer alone with this.
Do not allow her to enter your house, threaten to call the police if she does not move on. Do call them, if she doesn't.
Good luck! Rob
2007-06-24 08:51:42 · answer #3 · answered by Rob E 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh! babe you are in such a bad position with this. You could loose everything for one silly stupid girl. If the Head Master will do nothing I would suggest telling the police because at least if they can't do anything it will be on record and be in your favour if anything happens in the future, like her making false accusasions etc.. You have to look after yourself and make sure your future is secure. Tell your gf about it and try to get her to be there when this girl calls again and let her talk to her, if you dont tell her you are going to loose her as well. Young people can cause more damage to your life than any adult can. Good luck my babe.
2007-06-23 17:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
About 35 years ago, I had a serious crush on more than one of my high school teachers (not at the same time).
The difference was I was gay, they were straight.
That said, the way you handle this is the same way any professional in your field handles it when a teenager student has a crush on them.
I am not being unconcerned or disrespectful here.
The issue is a teenage crush on an adult teacher, and must be dealt with as such.
The sexual orientation is not the issue.
Her future, and your professional career, are at stake in this, and handling it any other way is not adequate.
2007-06-23 16:46:14 · answer #5 · answered by meek1957 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try having your partner talk with her
I teach First aid and had some problems with one student
My partner was able to show the person that what they where looking for was recognition of there difference and to be accepted, Right now all she knows is you do accept the fact she is gay, so she has latched on to that if your partner can show her that this is no basis for any kind of loving relationship and that immature behaviour is not attractive she may start to move on
2007-06-23 17:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lindodo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you involve her parents who want to take a legal action against you maybe they dont know how serious the situation is, try explaining to them the situation also make sure that the headmaster knows what actions your taking so that you have a back-up person.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-06-23 16:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by Sonia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face it - your career could be in jeopardy. You must distance yourself from her in any way possible.
That may mean that you have to force her to take another subject.
As far as her parents are concerned, you have to make it quite clear ot them that your interest in their daughter is strictly scholastic and nothing beyond that. Their daughter has a schoolgirl crush on you and you not trying to encourage that crush in any way. Let them know that all attempts on your part so far to discourage her in that regard have not worked. Maybe try to enlist their help in getting their child to get back to the books.
Good luck.
2007-06-23 16:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by nycguy10002 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report this situation to the principal/administrator immediately. Your entire career is on the line not to mention what seems to a happy home life. Look out for yourself first, Honey, no one else will.
2007-06-23 16:38:20 · answer #9 · answered by Mezmarelda 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is big trouble. You need to put as much physical and emotional distance as possible between this girl and yourself. It's actually gone beyond a quesiton of this pupil's educational needs. She needs to take another subject. You need to think about yourself and how you're going to protect your sanity, your reputation and your career.
2007-06-23 16:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by Stella S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋