im pregnant and im not sure what my options are.....?

Question

im only 14 and i might be pregnant. i have decided i want to keep it, but i dont know what to do, like wether to stay at school or just look after the baby. i need to get an education to pay for the baby, because the father is unable to work, hes 18 and he's dyslexic, and he cant read or write. so i dont know what to do. my parents dont know yet either, but im not telling them untill im completely sure that i am. i'v had all the symptons, but im waiting a week or so to take a test. what should i do?

Answer 1

HI!
I have a daughter your age and 2 more daughters, older and younger. If you were mine, I would want you to come to me immediately with this information, so I could take part of the load off you and at least help you not feel so scared. That is what moms are for!
If you aren't able to talk to your mom or dad for whatever reason, please e-mail me and I will help you find someone in your area you can go to. This is too big for you to deal with on your own if you are pregnant. I think most parents would be a lot more understanding that you think they would be. Anyone who has a daughter has this scenario in the back of their minds - trust me. My daughters don't date without us knowing where they are, what they are doing and who they are with 24/7 - my 16 yr old is chaparoned all the time if with her boyfriend. He's at my house with us home or she's with his parents there at his. I do everything I can to protect her and I still know it's possible. Things happen even with the best of intentions - that's life.
Don't worry until you take the test and find out for sure, okay? Your Options, if you are pregnant, need to cover what is in the best interest for both you and the baby. I have known girls who had babies at 14-16, which they did keep and everything did turn out okay. It wasn't easy, but they were determined this wasn't about to stop them from completing their education and raising a healthy, well-adjusted child. They had parental support too, but one did get married at 16 and now owns her own business. That was the only child they ever had and they are still married 18 yrs later. I'm not saying you need to get married to this guy, I'm just giving you HOPE. You will have to grow up very fast, but I have confidence it is possible for you. You're asking for help and that is so smart! If you were mine, I wouldn't be happy learning you may be pregnant, I would be very disappointed, but I would love you more than all of that and we would get through it together.
Whether you are pregnant, or not - know that there is nothing more important than your health and your education. Being 14, you are still growing and need special care by an OB/GYN throughout your pregnancy. If you are pregnant - you have to be monitored so that the dr is sure you are getting everything you need and so is the baby, plus that you don't develop certain conditions that can cause complications.
ANYONE who has a baby in high school can continue to go to school afterward and keep their grades up while raising the baby. I have 4 kids. I don't buy into "I have a baby, I have to quit school" Going to school is EASY compared to being married, working, raising the children, taking care of your husband and the house, paying your bills and all of that - going to school while having a baby would be SO EASY - so know that. It is Do-able!
If you contact me again or not (and I hope you will - I care and I'm here for you!) please contact your local crisis pregnancy care center if you can't talk to your parents - or even if you need to talk to someone else. School counselors and teachers would be great too - I hope to hear from you! Good Luck!
Lynnae
[e-mail]

Answer 2

Firstly it's a responsible thing, you say you want to keep the baby. Maybe the chance of getting pregnant was stupid. But forgiveable if you do not intend to kill a human 'baby' that resulted.

You should see a doctor, but be aware they will probably try to talk you out of having the baby, if you are pregnant. Be strong & tell them no means no. I know it doesn't make sense, they take an oath to do no harm & obviously killing a human is. They give us the names embryo or foetus to try to hide the fact they are talking about a human who is very much alive, at least until some doctor gets hold of them & kills them anyway. But you may need to be taking supplements like folic acid etc if you are pregnant. They can check your blood to see if you are lacking vitamins you may need for a baby + they can check to see if you have STDs too, they may afect a pregnancy. As you are under 16 your parents would be informed if it's in your best interests. So tell them, they should want you to be safe above all else. Doing wrong is forgiveable, especially since you are young.

You will still be expected to finish your education. I think it's a legal requirement. You may be able to do home schooling if needed. Whether your parents support you or not, you will be guranteed a safe environment. You can raise your child in a special home for children who have babies if necesary. Once 16 you would be entitled to creche facilities or vouchers to pay for a childminder, if you decide to go to college. Some people find it's not possible to work if they don't have qualifications & can only get minimum wage. Because they can't afford rent/council tax etc on what they would earn. So they don't & get all that paid for by the state. There is no shame in this it's better than being a murderer. Some people have reasons they can't get qualifications & children are expensive. Some people feel forced to get married/partnered to afford them.

If you are not pregnant & don't want to be, you realy should ask your doc for reliable contraception. Try to use as much as possible, you may be allowed some form of birth control pill, maybe some kind of spermicide gel + condoms for use all together, every time you have sex. No one ever regreted being too safe.

Answer 3

Hon, I know you feel grown up, but at 14 you are still a child.
And your BF excuse isn't viable. I am dyslexic and I got toutoring and it too awhile, but I read and I write well. I have some troble with numbers and spelling, but I managed to make it through college and become a nurse. I also paid for my own college and wedding. I worked hard.

There is the most loving thing you can do for your child and that would be to find adult couple who are unable to have children -- I am saying please consider adopting out your baby. I have a daughter that I apodted and she is my dearest and best friend, now that she is a young adult. Her birth mother couldnt afford a baby so she gave her child a better life. Giving a child the chance of a better live is the ultimite love a parent can give their child.

Why on earth are you having sex at your age? And with an older boy who doesn't work or read. Hon, you self esteme must be low. And if you aren't prepared to raise a child, you better not be having sex.

Look around at the world. There are the haves and the have-nots. The biggest thing that seperates them is education.
At 14 having a child you will be a great disadvantage the moment the child is born.

What sort of world to you intend to make for your child? Is it doable? Or are you dreaming dreams that are impossible

I am against abortion. I am pro birth control. And I am pro- being adult enough to be having sex.

Wait for the test before you start planning ahead. If you are not pregnant then hopefully you will be mature enough to either stop haveing sex or use double protection. Condom and the pill or patch for you.

Please encourage the 18 year old boy to get some help with adult education. I didn't read until half way through 2nd grade. Because before that I had memorized alll the pictures that went with the words. Fortunatly my teacher figured it out and I got help. I managed to make it through college and nurses training. I had to learn how my brain learned. If I can do it, he can to. Remember education is the key.

I sure pray that you arn't pregnant. Wait until you can give a child a good life.

Answer 4

Do you want to maintain this relationship, either way? You have serious doubts about her cheating on you, trust issues. If she weren't pregnant, would you stay with her? The ultrasound won't tell how far along she is with any accuracy. There are too many variables, one major one being the size of the baby. I went through this with my daughter - they measure the fetus and estimate a due date, but my kid was just a small kid. They were off by three weeks, both according to her actual birth date and my best guess as to when I got pregnant. I would do what you feel you need to do, regardless of whether you are the father of the child. You won't know until it's born and a paternity test can be done. Whether you and the mother stay together or not, you will still be the child's father, or not.

Answer 5

Wow!! Young lady!! There are two ways this can go, either you are pregnant or you aren't. If you are NOT pregnant, I suggest you go to the health department and get on birth control. There are many options available. There is no reason that you as a 14 year old girl in the year 2007 and having sex is not on some kind of birth control. What are you thinking? And your boyfriend??? You act like you feel sorry for him. Your boyfriend is able to work. Not being able to read or write is NO excuse for not having a job. Let me repeat that again, Not being able to read or write is NO excuse for not having a job. There are plenty of jobs that he can do that do not require reading and writing. Landscaping, garbage pick up, etc. Now, if you are pregnant, you have a hard row to hoe in front of you. #1 your boyfriend should not be messing around with someone that is underage. That is a very big problem for the both of you right now. Hopefully, your family will be supportive of you and come up with the best solution for everyone in this situation.

Good luck!!!

Answer 6

First off, take a test. Then talk to your parents and discuss your options with them. They are going to want you to stay in school and get an education, so they are going to be the ones helping you take care of this baby. The father is 18 and being dyslexic is no reason he can't carry a full-time job to help you support this child. And isn't it against the law in most states for an 18 year old to have intercourse with a 14 year old? Be careful....

Answer 7

Why were you having sex in the first place? You are 14! You were obviously not ready or mature enough as you didn't even think about protecting yourself against this. Oh and the boyfriend could get a job being dyslexic does not mean you can't work-thats such crap. Anyway first you need to take a test then consider the options on what you can do. Why don't you give the baby up for adoption and give it to a couple who can't have children and could give the child the life you can't.

Answer 8

First of all, being dyslexic you can still get a job, not every job deminds that you need to read and write, if he has a highschool degree, most places are willing to work with the dyslexic issues, otherwise mentally disabled wouldn't be able to get jobs at McDonalds, janitorial positions, bussing at restaurants, so on so forth. I think he's using this a little more to his advantage. My uncle is dyslexic and is a Manager at a store here, so you can't use that as an excuse your whole life. Secondly, I'm sorry to say, but it is very illegal for you guys to have sex, if your parents wanted to they could press charges against your boyfriend and he could have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, also if your under 16 years Idk if you get the final say if you want to keep the baby, my mother got pregnant when she was 15 and she was legally forced to give the baby up for adoption. So your definitely going to have to have a long talk with your parents if you are pregnant, and if you find that you are not pregnant I suggest birth control ASAP. Theres plenty of different kinds, the pill, depo, mederma (which may be better for you bc it lasts for 5 years), Uva Ring, plenty of choices for you. I hope everything works out.

Answer 9

take the test see if you are if you are its not the end of the world but be prepared for some hard work, stay at school get an education u'll need it to get a good job to look after you baby wen you've left school there is help with child care for wen you return to school after havin the baby(if you are in the uk?) and the baby's father can get a job cleanin is a job and will bring some money in and doesnt take much to do.and good luck, i was a teen age mom too i ahd my daughter at 17 im now 18 and pplanning for a second so if you wanna chat need any advice then let me know and ill give you my e-mail addy.

Answer 10

You should consider the decision to keep it, is it really what you want? Not keeping it would be as simple as taking a tablet.

You should take a learning course on contraception, to make sure the baby doesn't get any little brothers or sisters. In your situation one kid is enough.

If you live in England, then you can basically live for free... The government pays for poor people who get pregnant before they can drink alcohol.

I think you should reconsider your relationship, if the guy wasn't responsible enough to wear a condom, then he's not gonna be able to look after a baby.... And also an 18 year old doing a 14 year old is wrong... He's technically a pedophile.

And also you don't have to read or write to work... if he is looking for work he should apply at the local council, he could get a job picking up litter or something like that. If he has a negative attitude to this, then you seriously need to ditch him.