Is there anyone who can give advise on how to deal with grief?

Question

I've just had another death in my family last week. That makes three in the past six months, including my mother. I think I'm a strong person but I can only deal with so much. I'm starting to become numb from it all and I hate feeling that way. Can anyone help me with this?

I've talked to family and friends and they all tell me that there's nothing I could have done and that it's God's will and that I should just let it go. Logically, I know all these things but it still doesn't make me feel any better only worse because they are tell me how to feel.

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your losses and hope that you find a way through the grief you are feeling now.

The numbness is your minds way of buying time for you to process the loss. To be hit all at once with so much pain could push anyone over the edge, so be glad for the numb feeling and prepare for the time when that is replaced by pain.

Every life must end sometime and if you hold on to the memories of the loved ones you have lost with gratitude for having them to love, you will eventually be able to think of them with smiles instead of tears.

I lost my best friend when I was 27, the love of my life at 32, and my "little brother" whom was my heart and soul 3 years ago to suicide when I was 43. Each loss brought a pain so awful I wished it had been me that died.

After my friend died of cancer at 27 I even took a bunch of sleeping pills and had to have my stomach pumped. Maybe I was looking for the numbness that your feeling now.

When the love of my life died at 32, I couldn't stop crying. I stayed in my house for over 3 months and cried. The only thing that kept me sane was realizing I had our son to care for.

When my brother killed himself 3 years ago, I was destroyed. He was the one thing I thought I could always count on in my life. We had a relationship that few people will ever have with anyone, how could I live without him, and why did he leave me that way?

It's taken a while for me to realize that while I have suffered GREAT LOSS, I have also been blessed in loving 3 amazing people. I would willingly risk the same pain for the opportunity of having that kind of love in my life again before I die. My biggest fear is that I'll never love that way again.

So I hope you too will eventually see how blessed you are to have had those people in your life to love.

Answer 2

jrenee813 Don"t worry dear, that numbness is just your mind, body, soul and spirit protecting itself. A person can only handle so much grief at one time. In general death usually runs in a group of three, just like when Jesus died between two sinners the day he was cruified ! Time is the only thing that will ease the pain.So for now just take comfort in knowing they have no more tears or pain.

Answer 3

Two years ago, my best friend of 8 years and boyfriend of 3 died from double pneumonia. We had known each other since the first grade. On Sunday, I brought him soup and his favorite movies to watch. We laughed, talked, and I left when he was feeling tired. On monday, I visited him in the hospital. It was soo scary seeing him with a breathing tube in and soo many wires attached to his head and chest.. I held his hand for hours and prayed that he was going to come back to us. Tuesday morning right before second period I got the devastating call from his mom that Aaron had passed away. I kinda collapsed to the ground and just sat there crying. No one knew what was wrong with me until a few minutes had passed and the pricipal came over the loud speaker and announced that "a great student had passed away today" There were crying people EVERYWHERE...but no one there was as hurt as me. I had no one to talk to...I just cried, all that day, all night..and when I ran out of tears, I just dry sobbed until I couldnt' breathe and passed out from exhaustion. I stopped eating, stopped thinking...until the day of his funeral. I sat in the front row with his parents and siblings. I talked for the first time in days when I gave a little speech about him. . . I cried so hard when his mom read a letter he had written to me that Monday. . . He wrote " I just want you to know that you are the love of my life. I am so proud of how far you have come in life, for everything you have done. Thank you for being my friend, for being my inspiration to be a better person, a ray of sunshine in a dark world, and for being the best girlfriend I've ever had. I hope we can spend forever together. I love you so much. " I keep the letter in a box of keepsakes. . .

After the funeral...I just got worse. I was always sick and I always felt soo alone. Before he died, I thought I was such a strong, brave person... The best thing anyone did for me was to drag my depressed a$$ to a therapist. And now here I am, two years later...not forgettting what happened that tuesday morning, but still moving on with my life. So you know...sometimes we can't handle things on my own. I am soo so sorry for you losses. Honestly tho..get help. It will make a world of a difference.

Answer 4

you must have heard about yoga, the indian spiritual and scientific way of gettin rid of the mental problems. i can suggest if you live in any area where a yoga centre is, join it. through light exercises, meditation and shavasan, you will get lot of relief in one montn time. my advice-try to forget the tormenting thing as soon as possible with a strong heart. you do'nt get back anything by grief but only grief. yoga will channalise your thinking into a positive one, since life is lived for once only.

Answer 5

Im sorry for your loss. Seek a help through counseling. Maybe they can perscribe you a temporary antidepressant to help you pull through. Just keep talking to people. Dont bottle up. It will make it worse.

Good Luck .And I hope the future brings you happiness. It sounds like you need it.

Answer 6

try talking to someone u trust ie. other family members or friends because if u keep all ur feelings bottled up inside it only makes it worse for u ..be strong =D xx