We are very happy together and we connect well. We are also Aries (me) and Libra. I have been seeing him since V-Day. We were friends months before but because my ex at the time was an ***, I jokingly asked this guy to be my surrogate boyfriend for the night of v-day. Nothing happened but he cooked me dinner, drew a bath, rubbed my feet etc. He always takes good care of me. He never hit on me. Well months have past and now we are closer than ever. He tells me he loves me. I have two problems 1) His age. I could careless but I know my friends and family will not approve. 2) I really want a family with kids. Because of his age (his reasoning), he's on the fence about it. He also said that he would keep an open mind about it. We have so much fun together, I am happy with him and I do love him. My two reasons are weighing on my happiness. We don't really have titles, but both have acknowledge it's a relationship. He wants it to move forward. What do I do?
2007-06-23 08:26:07 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well 20 yrs is to much. u will not be happy in 5 or 10 yrs
2007-06-23 08:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Children are a huge issue and you need to work that out--at least before marriage. You can have a go at a relationship, though, since you're only 25. You could easily try it for a year or so and you've still got loads of time to find someone else.
Twenty years is a bit much, and it's true that he'll almost certainly be losing mobility, health, stamina, etc. a long long time before you. I don't think it means things are impossible, but you need to go in with open eyes. If you marry the guy, have a kid, and then decide you need to bolt when he has a stroke at age 60 (and you're 40) because you don't want to be an old man's nurse, then you really won't have done anyone any favors. But that situation can arise when there are smaller age differences, too--it's just a question of probabilities and emotional maturity.
2007-06-23 09:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contrary to what some of the other people think...you could be very happy...but you are right there are a lot of issues that you both have to be clear on...and your family, has to feel that you are doing the right thing as well.
Before you get caught up in the middle of all this...you and he need to talk and no matter how it turns out, you have to stick to your decisions. Having children is something he can't be on the fence about....and you'd certainly want to do that rather quickly because he sure doesn't want to be 60 with a 10 yr old. lol. But the family side of it is something you have to decide. If they see he loves you and you love him, even though it's not what they hoped for you...they will still love you...and eventually come to accept and love him...
You do have a lot of years between you...you are young and full of energy...he is not or least won't be with each passing year. That's just the facts.
I am 48... Last year I was dating a 28 yr old... and I developed feelings for her, but I knew it was the right thing to do to let her go.... I never wanted her to wake up one day years from now and say..... that she regreted it. You have a lot to think about....but the decision has to be yours and his and no one elses. She and I were even talking marriage and children....can you imagine how unfait that was to her...for the daddy of her children to be so old. To wake up each morning with a man that grew an extra wrinkle over night? Well I know I did the right thing...she was hurt...but has since met someone much closer to her age and they are very happy..
Think.....and do what your heart and mind tell you.
2007-06-23 09:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not in this day and age. There is a twenty-year age gap between my parents (they started seeing each other at ages 25 (mum) and 45 (dad) ) and all their friends were pleased for them, but a bit shocked. True, the 16/36 age gap is still seen as wrong, but once a person (especially women) get to around age 20, if they are seeing someone who is 20 years older, nobody seems to mind. It's funny how society seems shocked when it is a younger man with an older woman! For the record, I'm 23, and my boyfriend is 36.
2016-05-18 03:40:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say if your happy, then do what you feel is right. Your 25, its not like your 18 making this decision. You're family might not be thrilled about it, but your a grown woman and can make your own decisions. The age difference is pretty big, but its not that bad. The age does factor in for having a family. You are plenty young enough to have kids, but if you choose to stay with him, you need to respect the fact that he mightnot want to. He might not be around for much of your children's lives, but then again, people are living much longer these days, and he very well could be around a lot longer for the kids.
As long as your both happy and in love, i dont think u should worry about other people. Do whats right for you. Good luck.
2007-06-23 08:32:03 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy Pants 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jeez, people are so immature and inconsiderate! They're being so mean to you. Don't mind them.
I say that you keep your relationship with him if you are both happy. Not everything is about bodily age, because the important thing is the everlasting soul, which exists in this world only by means of a body. The body and the person themselves are quite different things, and honestly, it is not a problem that you love him despite his age. Don't let someone else's opinion influence your happiness. As for kids...adoption is always an option, you know.Lots of kids are out there waiting to be adopted! Keep an open mind...you'll face opposition at first but with perseverance, you two will surely get far.
Good luck to you both! =)
2007-06-23 08:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, anyone can tell after reading this that you've found your soul mate. Let me cut to the chase...GO FOR IT!!! Age is just a number. BTW, 45 years old is young. Don't hesitate in your thinking here, this man was meant for you. Your happiness is for you and key and not for the onlookers whether family or friends to judge. I know you want them to feel happy about the whole thing and all, but the bottomline is that you are happy with this man. You were so flawless how you've expressed your feelings and all that has happened between you both. That is the first clue to me that you have no doubts in your mind that this is the relationship for you. To establish any situations of the heart gets so complicated and when one happens along where you both enjoy each other and when alone, laugh quietly to yourself about the things you say to each other is definately amazing!!! No doubt, he speaks to you a lot with his eyes. He probably has a drop dead gorgeous smile and win you heart over so many times with it. You are young! The cycle of life spins once in a lifetime, so soak up all you can get from this situation. Keep communicating with this man. Continue with the respect that you both share because based on what you've written here, I can tell here that it's reciprocated on both sides. You've already established the friendship part of the relationship which is the foundation for any happiness in a serious relationship. Continue being yourself and bask in the attention of this man because you don't want the intensity of what's happening right now between you both to fade. Good luck!!
2007-06-23 08:57:01 · answer #7 · answered by Leona 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would tell him that if he does not want a family, you'd never be totally happy. Simple as that. He seems to be devoted to your happiness and comfort, age should not be too much of a problem for the two of you, (to heck with what the family thinks---this is about YOU and your happiness, they'll adjust)
You're 25 and at a crossroads. Be careful when you make this decision. If you settle for less, you'll get less. Life is too short, and the maternal instinct is too strong to let it all slip away. Good-luck----be interested to learn how this turns out. Good question----have a star
2007-06-23 08:34:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship with a woman who was twenty years younger than me for about 5 years. She initiated the relationship and I felt much about the situation as you do. I got over worrying about what everybody else thought and decided to just enjoy what was. We had a wonderful relationship and are still good friends. Unfortunately, our careers and obligations took us in different directions. There were those that disapproved, there were those that made rude cracks about robbing the cradle. In the end it boils down to one thing. Two adults care about each other and want to be together. Nobody elses opinion matters. You decide what you want and then go for it. Dont let anybody else decide what you should do with your life. If you can handle being mistaken for his daughter, so can he. Good luck!
2007-06-23 08:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he makes you happy, forget about what everyone else thinks. It's not like you're a child - you are definitely old enough to make your own decisions on this. I would definitely have a long discussion with him about children, though. Whether you decide for or against it, that's something you need to figure out before you move forward.
2007-06-23 08:29:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it semms like you really love each other and i see nothing wrong with dating a 45 year old man besides ur an adult however before you move forward if u really want to have kids make sure he wants them as well, make sure hes not just on the fence about that aspect of ur relationship
2007-06-23 08:31:34 · answer #11 · answered by Chericher 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋