My wife (24yrsold) and I (25yrsold) have been dating for around 6yrs before we got married. (We have been married for 1 year) . We used to make out all the time before we got married and she went down on me a lot as well as touched me, etc. But after we got married she has only went down on me like 3-4times in the last year and we can go up to a week without kissing and even longer without french kissing. I even ask her when i leave for work for a kiss and she tells me no. We broke up for a few months before we got married in which i was with someone else which i know hurt her.. so that might be way she is this way now.. Im always aggitated all the time, probably due to sexual frustration. I really love my wife and want to be with her but I don't know how much longer i can be in a relationship where there is hardly any physical contact. I get the feeling she doesn't find me atractive anymore and i don't know what to do, please help.
2007-06-23 07:11:39 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try finding out what the problem is instead of being so frustrated by what is going on. She could be overworked, stressed, or have some kind of medical issues right now. Start by asking her questions about how she is feeling, maybe that will get you somewhere.
2007-06-23 07:19:14 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Women think differently about sex and intimacy than men do. This is going to be a little blunt, but that's the easiest way to say it. Most men get hard and they're ready for sex. They're more visual, so seeing your wife getting out of the shower can have you ready for sex. Women are a little more complicated than that. We need the emotional attachment before the physical. Your aggitation is probably making the situation worse. It's most likely not because she doesn't find you attractive, but that she doesn't feel that she is attractive to you outside of sex.
Over the next few weeks, try something different. Leave her little love notes where she'll find them during the day. Call her on a break just to let her know you're thinking about her. Leave a note on her pillow telling her how you feel about her. Tell her to go relax and take a bubble bath while you clean up the kitchen after dinner. Even run the bath for her. Basically, concentrate on the romance in your relationship. Try not to focus so much on the physical. That part will come naturally when she's ready.
As a wife or a co-habiting girlfriend, it's easy to get wrapped up in that part of your person and lose the part that says you're a woman. Try to find little things to show her that she's an attractive, wonderful woman without it seeming like you're just trying to get her into bed. You may be surprised by the results.
2007-06-23 07:28:26 · answer #2 · answered by motomouth_1965 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you're feeling. Communication is very important. When you got married, you were probably just coming off of the romantic high you get when you're in love with someone new, now that you're in a different place in your relationship it may feel harder, but to make it work you really need to sit down, open up, and make time for each other. If you can't get her to do this then maybe you can get her to marriage counseling. The first year is often the hardest, but it will be better for both of you if you get to the bottom of your issues now rather than wait until they're too much to handle. Good luck.
2007-06-23 07:19:26 · answer #3 · answered by MelB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have a nice long talk with her and ask her if something is wrong? Because...thats a drastic change...at least you make it seem that way. It kinda makes me wonder if she has something eating at her that she hasn't talked to you about...mabye she is still hung up on your other fling...maybe she is upset at you for somethign else. But since you guys are married..you guys need to talk about it and find ways to make things work...
Part of it might be before- i dunno how much you two saw each other but if you didn't live together- the excitement of seeing her after being apart would have added to the desire to have physical contact...and now the excitement is gone becaue you guys live in the same house?
You might want to do some web searches for help too..
http://marriage.about.com/
or see a marriage counselor if nothing works?
Does she give you a reason or is it just no? I mean...she might just not be in the mood...you might have to work a bit for it and seduce her =P
2007-06-23 07:19:10 · answer #4 · answered by Seraph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you treat her like you did when you were dating?
or better yet, you talk about her "going down on you", so what do you do for her?
Maybe it's just the way I'm reading into this, but it seems you want her to make all the moves . . .
My husband after 10 years of marriage starting mentioning the same things. He had stopped worrying about his appearance, his breath and I tried to bring this up. He also expected me to totally be the aggressive one. He had stopped the quick hugs, small kisses and just little compliments now and then. Makes a difference!
Anyway, the man I'm with now. . .we both kiss each other goodnight, every night. A kiss when we go to work or whatever. We thank each other for just little things. We still care how we look to each other at the end of the day!
Let's say . . .sexy is as sexy does!
2007-06-23 07:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, the best thing to do is either talk it out between yourselves, or go to a marriage councelor, pastor or some one who can "mediate" between you both to see what the problem is...
That was "not" a smart move, being with some one else before you married, but, its water under the bridge, and she may "still" be holding it against you...
But one thing that there is, when two people "live" together, and then get married, it seems to be two totally seperate things! What a woman will "do" for you, when she is "chasing you" is another thing different, then what she will do when she "has you"! It maybe that she considers you "hers" now, and doesnt think she has to "go down on you" anymore-->that was what she was doing to 'entice you to marriage'...
"This" maybe how she "really" is, and its going to be tough bringing her around to your way of thinking... (What? You thinking of 'leaving' her because she isnt what you expect now? Marriage aint like that bub, its a contract for life, not a thing of 'convinience' that if she doesnt still do what I want, I can simply get rid of her, if you think that way, then you should never have married and stayed dating for the rest of your life).
I wish you well...
Jesse
2007-06-23 07:27:20 · answer #6 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 1st thing is that she probably doesn't realize that this is hurting your self-esteem and secondly, if she is distant b/c she is still mad, then you both need to clean the air and talk. Both of you assuming why each other are acting the way you are will get you both resentful. You don't know why she is acting this way unless you directly ask her and make her be honest with you You need to tell her you are sorry again, and that her lack of affection hurts your feelings. Remember communication being the key to a good marriage? You both want the same thing-you just are not talking about it!
2007-06-23 07:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to your wife about this? Communication is essential in a successful marriage. Before you make assumptions about what she 'might' be thinking, you should just ask her about how she feels and tell her how you feel. If you can get her to open up about how she is feeling, that could cause an immediate improvement. Ask her what she needs out of this marriage in order to be happy and be ready to make some compromises if necessary. When she knows that you truly care about her happiness and what she may be feeling, she will most likely be more receptive to what you need.
I wish the best for you - good luck :)
2007-06-23 07:51:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't make sense. If she is hurt over your being with someone, why did she marry you AFTER that happened? You two seem awful young to be displaying symtoms of what happens to many married couples after the kids have grown up and left the house. Get a divorce and find someone where the attraction is mutual. You are way young enough to do this. You don't need this stuff now. Save that for when you're much, much older.
2007-06-23 07:18:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Assuming you haven't changed physically in the past year in some drastic way, it's probably one of two things.
If it's that short break up, she needs to work through that (therapy?) and come to terms with it.
A long term relationship is work. Perhaps she lacks the maturity that's required to work at that part of the romantic aspect of your relationship. Although the initial romantic *rush* usually wears off a lot sooner than six years...but you never know.
I bet that if she gives you ten excuses for what's causing it, the real reason won't be one of them. It's always the one that's unsaid.
2007-06-23 07:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by Pooka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋