Ok, so my long term boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now. We have been through a lot, and off and on sometimes. We are miserable when we are NOT togther. He's 31 and I'm 24. We have so much togther and already live together and everything. I love him more than anything and would never to anything to hurt him. There is one concern I have. Why won't he marry me? I mean, we each have little flaws about each other, but I know that he loves me, and whatever it is we can get through it together.
I think about this everyday. I'm almost to the point where I think I should move out soon and move on, cause I'm tired of waiting for something that will never happen. I mean, if he really wanted to be with me there would be no question right??? I just don't understand. It's soo hard because most of mine and his friends are either engaged or happily married. I just needed to vent and an outside perspective.
2007-06-23 05:59:01 · 12 answers · asked by lizbabe01 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to sound insensitive, but why would your boyfriend marry you if you are already like his wife and yet he has no formal responsibilities to you. he can walk out and leave tomorrow without any commitment.
that's the issue with moving in before getting married... it's no longer an incentive. there is no hurry now.
like the old saying goes... why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
if you really want him to commit, then you have to put your foot down and take a stand.
2007-06-23 06:12:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy, statistics show that the marriage success rate in general is not only abysmal (50%), but ESPECIALLY poor for those who marry under the age of 30 (75%). The reason is that we are constantly growing and developing, and most of this occurs prior to the age of 30. Simply put, as one matures they are not the same person as when they were 24. As a result, the person that is good for you at age 24 is often not the best person for you when you're older because our needs change.
Let's be rational: Why are you so hung up on marriage? Just because your friends are engaged? It is possible to commit yourself to one person without a piece of paper, right? The better question is, do you truly "feel" he loves you? Then that's all that matters.
www.hearts-and-kisses.com: Advice from a psychotherapist!
2007-06-23 14:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first problem is living together, thats like marriage without the title, once you move in its like telling him your all his and he does'nt even think about a further commitment because to him your allready practicly married. Unfortuntally its all a big game, if you want to marry this guy then you can't act like it, men like to work for it if you make it too easy he will loose intrest fast, so its in your best intrest to just stop acting like a married couple and then he will see he does'nt have that part of you and want more, and in some spare time instead of thinking about him read this book. Why men love bitches. by sherly agrov I might have her name spelled wrong but the title of the book should make it easy to find. good luck to you!!!
2007-06-23 13:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by sabrina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's with you because he can control you. You're with him because you want the security and stability that an older man provides...or is supposed to. What, you never had a good relationship with your father?
Stop shacking up with this guy, stop jumping in the sack at every promise of long-term commitment, find someone who is your intellectual, spiritual and emotional equal and go get married.
That's the only true way to feel safe and secure in a relationship. Right now, either one of you can pick up and leave any time you want and there is nothing tying you together.
2007-06-23 13:26:28 · answer #4 · answered by ann81969 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's a "committment-phobe" - not at all unusual these days. My concern here is that he's waiting on something better to come down the line. Secondly, do yourself a favor. Don't get yourself trapped. DON'T have children, thus limiting your future options SEVERELY if, and when, he decides to move on. I'm not exactly (honestly) pro-marriage, but living together makes it WAY too easy to simply move on and in so many cases, that means one is left with life-limiting baggage.
2007-06-23 13:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Have you'll ever discussed marriage? Whether the answer to that is yes or no, why portray marriage before actually getting married? The old saying is still true even in today's society; "Why pay for a ride when the donkey is free?"
2007-06-23 15:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by LisaEl* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep inside he doesn't believe you're the one for the rest of his life. Sure he loves you ' he says ' and it`s convenient to live together etc. You want a commitment cause you want the real thing, I would give my life for you kind of commitment. I would tell him you're in for the real thing and playing house with him isn't enough.
2007-06-23 13:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never have moved in with him with out being married first. You should move out and not go back until your wedding night.
He is not committed to you, since you have given yourself to him with out any commitment, why should he care, he's getting it for free.
2007-06-23 13:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's got the cow and the milk for free...not calling you a cow, just using the expression.
He's got it all with no real commitment.
2007-06-23 13:21:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask him what is the deal and if he doesn't want to get married move on
2007-06-23 13:08:12 · answer #10 · answered by Hi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋