Help! Need advice for friend of mine! Husband cheated...?

Question

A close friend of mine's husband had an "emotional affair" with another woman he worked with. They seperated for awhile, but not long after he starting begging for her forgiveness. He said he knows what a mistake he made and that the other relationship went no further then emotional and some kissing. My friend and her husband have a one year old son together and she is pregnant due in August, so she decided to give him another chance and work things out.

He has been doing everything he can to make her trust him. He quit his job so he has no contact with this woman anymore, he changed his cell number so she can't contact him, he's trying to prove himself to her and I can see he's really trying. But she can't get over what he did. Not that I blame her!

I've never been cheated on, espeically not to this degree, so I don't know how to help her. Will she ever be able to look at him and not think of the other woman? I want to give her advice but I don't know how to help.

By the way, no this not secretly about me!! This truly is about a friend of mine who really needs some advice.

Serious answers only please!

Answer 1

It sounds like her husband is truly sorry for what he did, and she needs to, if possible, work on them staying together. Her hormones are all going "every which way right now", and understandably so, but if possible, just let this ride for a while. After the baby is born, then see if she wants to continue the marriage or not.

Answer 2

Only time will tell if she will ever trust her husband again. Her husband will have to prove his love to her all over again and it is going to take a lot of work. I would tell your friend to realize how hard he is trying to gain her love back and that should show her how much he cares. We are only human and make mistakes. I am in the process right now trying to gain my fiances trust back and it is a lot of work. I got a little too drunk on my 21st birthday and kissed some other guy at the bar. I know that it is the biggest mistake I have ever made. Her husband also needs to know that his wife is starting to trust him again, so that he keeps trying to gain her love back and doesn't give up. It is going to be work for both of them but if they truly love each other I am sure that they will make it through this. Everyone has there bumps in the road and as I said before only time will tell.

Answer 3

If a woman can see that the man she loves is really making an effort, she should slowly and surely embrace him with all her heart once again. However, an word of advice, a friend of mine encounter the same thing and in the end, she was cheated again. Result: Devastated... Your friend should consider accepting her husband back as its takes quite a 'special feel' to be together and proceed on to be husband and wife stage. However, she should not start trusting him immediately again. Remember, trust is meant to be built upon on, not to be gain overnight.

Answer 4

Some people are so self-centered it just makes me sick! What on Earth is the matter with this woman that she seriously thinks anyone wants an answer when they ask how you're doing? Who the hell cares? You don't think I have problems? You don't think I need money and my kids aren't useless and my brother-in-law isn't in jail again and I have to help feed my sister's kids again and I'm about to be out of a job again becasue the plant aint got no new orders and the payments are behind on the trailer and the pick-up?? What in the H-E-double hockey sticks is her mental damage? You need a better class of friends, darling. Why should you take that?

Answer 5

If she really wants her marriage to work she should meet her husband half way. Although the affair didn't develop into a physical affair, it can be more difficult to forgive. Women sometime deem an emotional affair more damaging than an affair that is plain physical. At least he has taken steps to help her gain his trust back. It will be difficult for her to trust him again. If he screws up again then she needs to seek a divorce attorney.

Answer 6

Sounds to me that this fellow is genuine and is doing literally everything that he can to rectify the situation.Since there was no sex involved, the woman should try placing herself in his shoes for a bit. To me this doesn't sound as if it were that big of a mistake. Sure a mistake. But had he been that intense about actually cheating on his wife then he would definitely of laid the hammer to the other woman. As they say all wounds heal with time. That is if she gives it time before she does something stupid. At this point, I'd say that divorce or "getting even" would be a mistake on her part as that would drive her deeper into depression later. Just my opinion.

Answer 7

It will take time for your friend to rebuild trust for he husband again and he will have to earn it. An emotional affair can be just as damaging to a marriage as one that becomes physical also.

As a friend, just be there for her, be supportive of her efforts. She needs someone to listen, to allow her to vent and rave at times. She may repeat the same thing over and over, as this was a very traumatic event. It's like you have to keep saying it until it just doesn't hurt anymore. The mental images she has will fade over time, the intensity will lessen. As far as advice, just keep listening and be supportive of HER choice. Time will help heal her pain. As her friend, you want to protect her from further pain. But since it is her choice to try to rebuild her marriage, then you need to be a "friend of the marriage" and support that choice as long as he is doing what is necessary to rebuild trust.

True forgiveness takes time, just as rebuilding trust takes time. She cannot just forget, as that is impossible. But, they can rebuild that trust and forgiveness will come with time and lots of effort on both parts.

Suggest the following websites to her.
A few good books about affair recovery:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
"After the Affair" by Springs

Answer 8

In my opinion your girlfriend should get some professional counseling. not that you are not doing a good job. but she is pregnant right now and very emotional anyway and since she is pregnant, now is not the time to give her half advice. i think she should go see a professional and then when she is ready then the professional can bring her husband in for couples counseling. so many people think that counseling means you are socalled crazy but it does not, it means that you are taking time out for your self to work on yourself and you are getting someone who graduated from college to help you with it. we can give advice all day and all night and be well meaning about it; however, a person who is trained and professional can do a much better job than we can. Especially since there are children involved, more care should be taken to ensure that this marriage suceeds! peace, blessings, and prayers! phat beatz

Answer 9

Hi,

First of all I thanks to your's friend's husband who is now trying to improve his relationship with wife. A good relationship between husband-wife have 5T's :-

I) Trust -Trust in husband & wife

II) Time -Give quality time to each other

III) Touch - Having in touch mentally or physically

IV) Talk- Talk with each other & resolve any problem. No god will come on earth & help you. God will help who help themselves.

V) Teach - Teach each other of your learning towards life. Don't preach.

You can request your friend also to forgive him.
Enjoy the life, don't make the life boredem.

Thanks.

Answer 10

hi............truly understand n empathise with ur friend its very common now adays for men to cheat but not ownup..... if ur friends husband did tell her is coz he realised n felt sorry atleast its not like he got caught redhanded ....people lie still after being caught ...........he could have just made false promises to her n still continued if he is showing the effort he deserves a chance coz he means it .............i think as for ur friend it will take time to get over it n not remember her .....maybe never forget her also but will start living with him n his love will ease her pain eventually....husband needs to put in lot of effort n patience this could be a long time tht she can trust him again not really like before...........but ur friend needs to be told that he could do it neways saying it to her shows his honesty n remorse for what he did n as u say the steps hes been taking i think he defy needs forgiveness not just for the kids but bcoz he loves her n she too does otherwise she would have left.............