Boyfriend of 5 years wants to travel solo. Advice?

Question

my boyfriend of 5 years wants to leave in september when our lease is up to travel the world. i can't just up and leave because of family and my job. he is fine with giving everything up including me to travel for a year (he says). i don't know how to deal with this. this is extremely upsetting because i want to marry him (eventually). any advice?

Answer 1

You should let him go. I'm pretty sure you would rather hear advise on what to do to keep him from traveling. But If he wasn't meant to be yours, you would know now and not when it's too late.

A 5 year investment is deep! It's time to see your return on the investment.

Answer 2

Traveling, experiencing other cultures, facing challenges that come up - aaahhh, it's all a big adventure that I assure you will change him. I lived overseas for 6 months and just that short time really changed me - it made me see the world in a whole new way. So for him to not take you on this life-changing adventure is a big deal. The trip is important to him - he probably thinks "man, I will never forgive myself if I don't do this NOW before the wife, kids, and commitment comes along." It's difficult to get away and do fun things like traveling when kids come along, plus you have to always consider someone else. It sounds like he's enjoying this time where he only has to answer to himself. The problem is - that shows what he thinks of you and that r'ship. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't think about doing such a huge trip without considering how you feel or what you think. I'm so in love with my husband and I can't even IMAGINE doing an incredible trip like that without him! I want to experience ALL my adventures with him.

I would sit down and talk with him. Tell him you want to be a apart of ALL of his adventures, now and in the future. That you want to experience all of that with him but you get the feeling that he doesn't want you to come.....even if you could.

A yearlong trip traveling takes extensive planning unless you are a multi-millionaire. For most of us, you need to have plenty of money or figure out a way to MAKE money while you're out in the world. Alot of young people teach english as a second language. There' s a certificate you can get. Just some advice.

Answer 3

What CAN you do? You can't leave your job... and you can't make him stay...He's going to be gone for a year? In my opinion that relationship is not as serious for him, as it is you, regardless of the 5 years.
It would annoy me that my feelings and inability to travel, and the fact that I would be alone for a year wasn't taken into consideration.
If I was you, I would tell him have a great time. But, he's also know that I consider myself single now. You act single, you ARE single. Don't let him think you're sitting around waiting. See what happens once he is gone, and if the calls are coming less and what not, you'll have a better idea of what's up, and you can move on or wait. ( I wouldn't wait, but that's just me... I'd be too hurt that he did it )
He couldn't plan a few shorter trips with you, and wait until you were in a better position?
Have a good one, and best wishes with whatever you do,

Answer 4

Well hun, I think that if you haven't already you really need to tell him how important it is for him to support you in this endeavor and how you feel about it. Unless you are absolutely clear he will never know or understand. No you are not overreacting and it is normal for you to want your man to stand by you every once in a while as well.. It's about respect and support. Try to ask him how he would feel if you didn't show up to his graduation? Hold your ground and try to convince him. Don't guilt trip him into it or try to force him to go though because if you stay together then you don't want him to resent you for it. Keep that ticket on reserve just in case he decides at the last minute (guys are notorious for deciding things like that at the last minute). If he still doesn't go make sure he knows how you feel and then drop it... again so he doesn't resent you for it later and just try to understand that even as your accomplishments are important to you so are his to him... Honestly, I don't understand why he can't take an hour off for tomorrow when he can make that hour up over the course of the next 3 months.. An hour today isn't much difference than one extra one next week.

Answer 5

It's time to break up. Move on and let him travel the world. I have traveled extensively and let me tell you it changes your life. And, if he is going to the Italy, Spain or France there are extremely good looking women and men everywhere. You don't want to be worried sick all of the time.

Besides, if you two are young (under 25) you shouldn't get married yet anyway. He needs to get things like this out of his system or else he will screw you over at 40.

Answer 6

I don't blame you for being shocked and upset. It is very obvious that you have given your love to a man who neither loves you nor has plans to marry you. My advice to you is to move back home with parents or get an affordable place to live as soon as you can. He's already decided on a course of action and you need to have enough respect for yourself to find a quality man who would never dream of doing this to you. I know you are hurting now, but this could have been much worse; you could have married this self-centered creep! Then you would have been dumped and had to go through a divorce and maybe end up as a single mom, which would have been worse.

Answer 7

I know it hurts...but think of this...you aren't married yet...and a chance to travel the world? How many people get that opportunity in a lifetime? Very few. Maybe he's thinking of you (in a round about way) and wanting to do this now when you aren't married so that he won't have to leave you when you have a larger commitment.

You need to talk to him and ask him if he wants to be with you during his travels or when he returns...the more you understand how he views your relationship, the more comfortable you'll feel (and closure you'll feel if thats the case).

Answer 8

o you poor thing your heart must be in bits, i have lived abroad for seven and a half years , met a few blokes, and am actually getting married next year but i think that if you truly love him then you should go with him if you really truly see him as your life!!travelling abroad was the best thing i ever did, if he doesnt want you to go then thats a different game, but if he does i think you should go, because speaking from experience it will bring you so much closer to experience all those different things together, but if you don;'t go you will feel jealous and resesntful when you finally see each otherr after his journey. Trust me sweetie i'm speaking from experience, follow your heart darling. xxx

Answer 9

If he is ready to go solo for a year without you, is a huge clue he is not ready for commitment and this is likely a good out for him, knowing you cannot up and just leave.

Stop wasting your time in this dead end relationship and move on.

Answer 10

I am not sure that I would want to marry someone who was okay leaving me for a year.

But, if you are okay with it. Let him go. If he makes it back and y'all survive it. You will be stronger for it. And, he won't feel like you robbed him of something if you make him stay.

Like the old saying, if you love someone let them go. If they come back it was meant to be. If they don't, . . .Well, you know the rest I guess.

Good luck.