my heart has an ampty space ...and a dark place where love abanded it ..and hatred landed on it....i have kept pressing it to stop ...i need to breathe i can no longer feel...nor hear....just like a ghost ...or a corpse but who cares i am not real!!! without you i'm not and will never be....give me power..give me strengh... i need you ....i'm craving to meet you , is it too much to ask you..to be with me..to guide me..and most of all to have me as the child you never had, money i don't care , only your kindness i do ..give me a chance let me know you ..let me hold your arms i'm your son i mean no harm...if you could read the words coming from my heart you would know you kept it alive...with your shining light!!
i never wrote poetry in a looooong time so ya be easy on me lol ^_^ thank you hope you enjoy it
2007-06-23 00:32:26 · 11 answers · asked by RoChEr 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
lol guys i don't feel offended or anything i never wrote in a long time so it's ok ^_^ plus ppl learn from their mistakes and i'm a better writer in arabic anyway but i left it for a while too so ya i suck now lolz ;D
for ppl who loved it thank you so much but i really support the one's that didn't i need practice thanks for the advice .
Mega thanks i like honest ppl lol don't worry i get you ^_^
2007-06-23 04:35:37 · update #1
Its creative, but very cliche. I can't tell you how many people write poetry with passages such as: Darkness falls and loniless is all around . . . or; my heart has a piercing arrow in it, so sharp, so painful etc, I think that your poetry would be better if it had more original passages. Your poetry is moderatlely profound, but then again, so is most poetry. You are certainly no Edgar Allen Poe, but you definitely have potential. Don't give up, follow your dreams.
P.S. A little rhyme here or there couldn't hurt either. Maybe you should consider this.
2007-06-23 00:41:55 · answer #1 · answered by wyzeguy82 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I even have long suspected that 'unfastened verse' is a sort written by ability of people who have not the foggiest theory of rhyme. human beings nevertheless write them, yet they do no longer look to be printed. For some unusual reason universal publishers look basically to love pretentious gunge from a literati buried in college tiers, or in republishing previous poems. it variety of feels the terrific place to discover a robust poem is at your interior of reach writing team, or in a sort of anthologies that are often basically bought to somebody who sent a poem for it. stable attempt technician.
2016-10-19 00:04:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear RoChEr!
It's good for beginning, but you'll have to practise much to improve it. There's too much cliche in it, and you'll have to practise how to create rhymes. I write poems too, but I also need to practise it much, I still can't make enough good rhymes. And I'm not sure how much time did you spend to write this poem. I guess you huddled this up. I'm sorry to say that, really, but I'm honest with you, 'cause I like you. But don't give it up, you'll get better! And ignore those ppl, who stated their opinions very rude way.
And CR/LF characters are quite useful to wrap poems though. :)
2007-06-23 01:11:42 · answer #3 · answered by MegaBrutal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. This is a letter of complaint. The language isn't poetic and it has no poetic devices. Read some real poetry and try again.
2007-06-23 00:41:34 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very good...needs editing, but for someone who hasn't written in a long time, it's acceptable! But just to keep those writing tools sharp, keep writing EVERY DAY even if it's just a little bit! It sure helps me!! =]]
2007-06-23 03:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is very artistic and thought provoking. Well done. You get an A.
2007-06-23 01:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please find another form of therapy, one that is less public.
You asked for opinions. It is the opinion of someone who reads and respects poetry. If you poke four sticks in a bag of sand and call it a horse, you still can't ride it.
Well, a poet would have understood what I meant.
Two points, please.
2007-06-23 00:47:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
indeed thick in syntax, deep hearted, too sensitive, really heartthrobbing. great future name n fame awaiting for u, best of luck.
2007-06-23 00:37:58 · answer #8 · answered by mohan rao kotari k 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i did enjoy it star 4 u
2007-06-23 00:36:34 · answer #9 · answered by angelina_mcardle 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think your poem is quite good . You took me there !!!!!
2007-06-23 01:32:43 · answer #10 · answered by godsbird2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋