A little while ago, I accidentally tripped out of the trans closet... about 4 months ago with my mom and 2 months ago with my brother. My dad does not know, and I want to keep it that way.
The thing that keeps causing trouble is my choice of undergarments. I am a biowoman, but identify as male, so I wear traditional tighty-whities, which I bought about 7 months ago with my own money. But my brother keeps accusing me of stealing his, which is impossible because he is so much smaller than I am, and my mom wants me to buy girly underwear because she thinks I am "headed for heartache", seeing as I'll be in college this fall.
How can I get them to lay off and give me some privacy? I figure that it's on my butt so it's my business... and the only way they even found out is because I forgot to wear a belt a couple of times. The cat's out of the bag/closet, but not willingly... what should I do?
2007-06-22 18:00:33 · 8 answers · asked by Rat 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
God, solorose, you think I wanted to come out? I hate being out! It is embarrassing and I don't know what to do with myself! You don't have to be a ***** about it.
2007-06-22 19:13:46 · update #1
well, sit them down and tlel them exactly why you're wearing mens underware, if they don't know yet. Thats the main thing.
But the biggest reason I'm answering this is the college thing. Moving away from home is a good time to try and pass, you know? Like...you're leaving town, new people...so why not pick your name now, and try and play the part? You don't have to lie to people when they ask, jsut maybe live the part for a while, in a new community where no one knows you as a girl. And If you are dreding living with a girl while dressing as a guy at college, you can call your housing director at your college, and explain your situation. Most housing directors will jsut ask your room mate ahead of time if it is ok, and if it isn't, they will try agian untill they find you one who IS ok with it.
my friend simon just got a male roomate for next year, and he is SUPER happy. His dad refuses to accept him as a boy, but at least the rest of the world can.
chin up, kid. your undies aren't anyones buisness. Be you.
2007-06-22 18:26:03 · answer #1 · answered by risks_(with a pessimist) 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...that's a tough one. Well, this is what I would do:
I would buy a set of girly underwear (Yes, I flinch too at the idea, since I am a tomboy) and wear it for about a month or however long it takes for them to stop making a big deal out of it. Eventually, it won't be the first thing on their minds and will sink into a faint memory. After the storm dies down, I would return to wearing my choice of undergarments. This type of strategy works on my parents all the time!
Things will get better with time. Maybe a good honest talk with them will resolve things. I think that they are just still in shock. Over time I'm sure they'll accept you or at least show some tolerance.
It also sounds like your mom just wants you to be happy. A stange thing I've observed with many adults of the older generation is that they tend to think that their paths are the happiest way to go. They really do have good intentions, they just care so much about the younger folks that they can't resist trying to help.
As for your brother, well he's just being a brother. Siblings give each other grief all the time.
Luckily, you won't have to endure this for much longer.
Are you sure that your dad is unaware of this? Maybe your mom told him and he is just pretending not to know...It is possible that he wants you to tell him when you are ready. (I don't know your family, so I could be wrong on this.) (My mom always tells my dad whenever something that I once kept secret leaks out.)
Whatever happens, stay strong and endure. Best of luck.
Also, you should also be proud to be a female trasnversite. They are rarer than male transversites, I've actually always wanted to meet one in person.
2007-06-22 18:37:13 · answer #2 · answered by I love tacos! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you have gender nonconformity that was never treated or even diagnosed. Tell you mom that it was not her fault, but this has been with you since you were a child. You have brainwashed yourself to the point you think you should be a male. Many people have gender nonconformity but not all of them become attracted to the same gender. Gender nonconformity and homosexuality are two separate issues. You most likely never knew that, but if you was like me I bet you had gender nonconformity before you became attracted to the same gender, and I myself am not bi. You must have formed attractions to the opposite gender first most likely, then the same gender because you thought you should have been a boy was help to cause you to form or accept forming attractions to same gender.
I never pursued a sex change, never cared to wear mens underwear because you can get cotton underwear that fits good through Haynes for women, sports underwear, that I felt
comfortable in, try some.
You may live as a transgendered person when you get out on your own, were you will dress and look male. You may even decide to become transsexual, were you plan a sex change. I considered the trans gendered, but my religion was a consideration, I decided against the sex change.
2007-06-23 01:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by ishelp4 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If all they saw was that you were wearing male undergarments, it is highly unlikely that they realize that you want to be a boy. Your family is concerned for you, which is a very good sign. Its your life, you have to decide what your going to do with it. Do you plan on ever telling your family, or just moving away and never seeing them again? What you could do is tell them that you would rather not discuss this with them, and that even though you love them it makes you really uncomfortable to discuss your undergarments. You sound like your just entering college, so your 18ish, right? I am 20 and MtF, living full time, if you want to talk to someone feel free to e-mail or IM me.
2007-06-23 00:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by elvishbard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe it doesnt matter what you want, you are out now and that is all there is to it. Wear what the hell you want it is nothing to do with anyone else. As for mom trying to make you wear girlies, yes she could make me wear them but dont think you would be comfertable with them. Tell them all to keep their nose out and allow you your own life. good luck babe.
2007-06-22 20:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok im married and a parent to a child....im a pre op transsexual...my wife pushed me out of the closet with my mother and my co workers....so what u should do is pray for strength from GOD..and go from there....be yourself no matter what...
2007-06-22 19:18:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you "forgot" to wear a belt? hmmm, why do I think you just wanted an easy way to come out? people tend to conveniently forget things for just that reason, whether they want to admit it or not. You let the cat out, now you deal with the furballs and the litter box. Either take responsibility for your choices and stop whining, or do as your mother requests to maintain peace in the family. Your choice.
2007-06-22 18:07:32 · answer #7 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Label your undies and wait for college. You'll be fine.
2007-06-22 18:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋