You see it on the news everyday
What happened to the right way?
Guns and missiles and people dying
Cops dying and soilders mothers crying
Mothers telling their little boys "daddy will be home soon"
Little kid look up at the stars and the moon
Praying to God that their mom or dad is still alive
Many families give up hope that their loved ones will survive
What happened to our world
Once peacefull but now twisted and twirled
Covered in Chaos,tragedy, and death
Our peacefull world went away it took its last breath
2007-06-22 16:30:28 · 9 answers · asked by Animal_lvr 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
overall, the idea of it is good, but it sounds choppy and unpleasant when you read it out loud. Maybe try cutting down the sizes of the sentences and change the words to make it more smooth.
2007-06-22 16:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by lumachoo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme but it needs to hit my emotions. I think clarity of expression is important as well. I don't like to second guess what I'm reading about. I always look for what I term "poetic gems"in the text.
2016-05-18 00:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as a poet for 15 years I can tell you the bad news is the poem is not that lyrical but the good news is it would make a great rap song. If you hear the same comment from others take is seriously and produce something. Good Luck.
2007-06-22 16:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by Matthew 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your poem says everything that the News doesn't. Good job getting the 'behind the scene' story out! I liked it.
2007-06-22 16:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by bailingwirewillfixit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very good It should be in a book about the world.
2007-06-22 19:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by Rainging Angels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little rough but very true, way to see the real issue.
2007-06-22 17:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by girlbrat89 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also write poems, and I thought yours was pretty good and pretty true! Keep writing, you have tallent!!
2007-06-22 17:14:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good one. i liked the topic of your poem. you're right, what happened to our world?
2007-06-22 16:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by mimi247t 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
nice poem! I Love It! :) it rhymes too. :)
2007-06-26 13:53:42 · answer #9 · answered by I LOVE BIG BANG! <33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋