i have been in a relationship with 'joe' for over a year. shortly before we met, he had asked his wife for a divorce. she didn't agree to it even though he was adimant about not wanting to work it out. we have become extremely close. joe's wife is aware of our relationship and that we love each other. she still doesnt want to pursue a divorce. how can someone choose to live in a marriage when the spouse doesnt want to be there? there are no children involved. when he pushes for legal actions she threatens to harm herself. should i go or should i stay?
2007-06-22 16:09:56 · 26 answers · asked by kiki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't say you are nuts but you are not going to win this one. I think you already know the answer but you just needed confirmation. I wouldn't spend anymore time waiting and waiting on this relationship. Unfortunately, when you date a married man you never know what is really going on because they tell you whatever they know you want to hear.
It is time to pick up and move on with your life. Find a great guy who will care about you for you and give you what you deserve.
Good luck!
2007-06-22 18:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by Colleen G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that I would examine is are you sure that "Joe" is being completely honest with you? Many times a married man will string a woman along and make excuses about why he can't leave his wife. Make sure that you are not being played for a fool. And how do you know that his wife knows about you? Did he tell you that?
If in fact, in turns out that he is being honest, and he really wants to be with you he will have to leave her and be honest with her too. If she claims that she will harm herself then she needs to get help, this is not his or your responsibility. She is an adult. Sometimes women wil use things to guilt trip a man, and this could be the case too.
So, I guess you need to really do some thinking, and remember that you don't deserve to be second best.
2007-06-22 16:17:28 · answer #2 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop the sugarcoating. You are the "other woman". Just admit it.
It only takes one spouse to start the divorce action so somebody is lying.
The other woman is usually a convenient springboard. The chance you end up with him in a marriage is low. And the same scenario repeats on you anyway -- there will be another woman
2007-06-22 16:17:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he moved out? Contacted a lawyer about a divorce? If the answer to either or both of these is "no", and you have been with Joe for more than a year, than he is answering the question for you.
2007-06-22 16:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by Matt G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can still file for divorce. If she is going to hurt herself she'll do it regardless of what he does. He can't be held captive by a threat that he isn't sure is real at this point. Even if she doesn't sign it there will be a set time period the divorce will be granted anyway.
2007-06-22 16:15:07 · answer #5 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what I can say is what if the tables were turned and you were JOE WIFE and he cheated on you, I think you should break up with him and tell him to go back to his wife and get councling after that if they stay together, you can move on with your life I feel she has the first on him and you are second, can you trust him when he is not with you-find someone that is not married, wether he is in loved with you are not.
2007-06-23 06:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by faith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being emotionally manipulative. He is the only one that can cut the connection.
If you told him you were going to start dating other people so he could go back to his wife, what would he say?
Is there a chance that he is staying married so he won't have to otherwise commit?
There are financial benefits to remaining married. The longer the marriage exists, the more benies she gets later.
2007-06-22 17:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow a backbone. Let him know you two are over until the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Then, if he wants you still AND you are still available, have at it.
My question to you is why would you waste a year of your life with a situation as hopeless as this one?
2007-06-22 16:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by wildatheart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't just go if you both love each other but you two need space until he gets out of this situation. you are only making it worst for the both of them. He is married to her and really needs to divorce her first. He needs to get himself together before he persues you. It will only be alot of unessary stress dealing with this situation. So keep in touch but let go some so he can get his life together for you.
2007-06-22 16:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you cant get married unless hes divorced....I would think that there would be a way for him to legally force the issue...but that needs to be investigated b/c it may vary from state to state.
You need to look at the situation and decide if its right for you...maybe putting the heat on a little would light a fire under his *** to check the state laws and see what he can do ....
2007-06-22 16:21:13 · answer #10 · answered by Mergler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋