I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with his ex girlfriend. They never met. We've been married for almost 6 years and have kids... I know, trough other people that she was the one that contacted him. He said it all started as a game and he didn't realize where it was leading him. he says it's no big deal, but still, he asked me to forgive him and told me he would never do it again. but I`m having a really kard time forgiving him... I don't know what to do... I'm aching....i love him... But still fill mad at him, and every little thing he does wrong... i feel it as if it were bigger than life.... HELP!!! (I found out about two weeks ago)
2007-06-22 15:47:20 · 14 answers · asked by quitter's_wife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't rush yourself. First grieve what was lost -- the free and innocent love you shared now has a stain. Your trust has been destroyed. AND, he minimizes it, saying it's not big deal. If you brush this off and act like it's no big deal, it's more likely to repeat.
Be firm about having him come clean about the details. Write out a victim statement about what this has done to your life and read it to him. He should also take some time to process what vulnerabilities in his life led to this, and new boundaries he is now committed to.
When you see that commitment convincingly applied then you give him the gift of forgiveness. I suspect that may not come for another few weeks at least. Forgiving is not the same as trusting either. Trust takes much longer to rebuild.
2007-06-22 17:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by waldguy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a tough thing but you can get over it. Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. I was possibly dealing with the same thing and started marriage counseling. She told her to get rid of all contacts with him and asked me if I would not bring it up again. We agreed. Also for every negative thing said to each other, we have to say 8 nice things. At this stage it's tough but it actually makes you think and laugh especially when a couple of negatives are said. It's tough to come up with 16 nice things to say. Let it go and tell him you love him and it won't be discussed anymore.
2007-06-22 15:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by Bobby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did that once with a friend who I've known for 20 years, She broke it off because she felt bad, and then she and I talk about it. She just reminded me that I have a good wife who loves me. After days and weeks of not talking with my friend, I told my wife. My wife was upset and hurt, I'll never do that again. My wife and I have moved on, but I will say if it was the other way around I would be single.
2007-06-22 16:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by warjo2611 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He didn't have to tell you anything. Sounds like he made a decision. You won.
And he learned that even the games can be dangerous, so perhaps he won't be inclined to tempt fate again.
They never met. It may sting a little that it was a consideration, but if you were not in his heart, it would not have taken a second thought.
He loves you too.
2007-06-22 16:13:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should forgive him so fast. Your own husband didn't tell you that he was talking to his ex-gf and you obviously wouldn't like it. He should have been smart to see where it was leading. Just try to calm down. don't think that every little thing he does wrong will stop the world. you need to start to forgive him eventually and slowly, but just not all at once.
2007-06-22 15:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be rash and divorce just yet, a marriage is worth fighting for...you even have kids. Hire an investigator to make sure he hasnt cheated on you before with someone else, if you ever suspect him again- hire an investigator. If he is a regular cheater, dump his butt on the curb.
2007-06-22 15:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by SandLady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would forgive him this one time. At least he's man enough to admit when he's made a mistake. You might benefit from marriage counseling. Good luck.
2007-06-22 16:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want to save your marriage, deal with it and forget aout it. remember it was not physical. some person flirts for fun and entertainment. i am not saying it is right but it happens. consider yourself lucky since it was a cyber affair.
2007-06-22 16:06:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you CAN'T trust him anymore,Leave with the kids& divorce him.He's more interested in a relationship with his EX.
2007-06-22 15:55:44 · answer #9 · answered by Klingon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People that cheat....don't they even consider our feelings at all? I was cheated on by my ex, and it was as though she had every justification in the world for doing it (in her mind). She never said she was sorry(she wasn't). I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I KNOW how bad it hurts!!
2007-06-22 15:53:13 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋