I think my b/f is depressed but he doesn't believe in therapy.. much less an anti-depressant.I try very hard

Question

to be up beat, positve, affectionate and supportive. He has legal probs and they are causing financial probs. I want to help him, I have been looking for work but to no avail, and now we have car probs to boot. I can't give up on him.. I love him and he does go to work everyday and works very hard, but he only works, eats, sleeps, (he sleeps an unbelievable amount of the time he is at home sleeping) and watches TV. We have no interaction together unless he happens to get up and eat after I have cooked, or he eats later. I feel like I live alone, and he is not interested in me and I am extremely vibrant, attractive, and not lazy at all. I could find something wrong to do... but I do love him and have never even thought about cheating on him in 2 years. It would be nice if I could sleep like him alot but I can't. I have never needed alot of sleep even though I am very active. He is not happy that i don't sleep the same as he does and he also snores & is hot natured and I am opposite

Answer 1

I'm really sorry about your situation. I was with a man for 15 years who suffered from depression, but refused to get help with it, even though he admitted he had a problem with depression. The most important thing I learned in that situation is that there was nothing I could do to help him, no matter how much I loved him. You cannot make another person happy, you cannot cure depression. He needs to take responsibility for his condition and do something about it. You can be supportive, but you can't solve this for him. Encourage him to seek help. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 2

I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 in 1996. I was on a shoebox full of pills. There was something to control the bipolar, something for sleep disturbances, and so on. In the end, I figured that the pills were to regulate my behavior, and I thought I could do that on my own, so I stopped taking the medications cold turkey. I was right, so far as controlling my behavior. I've been off the meds for 7 years now. Of course, what I did is not safe, and should not be done by anyone. Nevertheless, the symptoms did not go away. I just started learned to deal with them. I still have periods of severe depression. I still have very severe sleep disturbances. But the way that I deal with it is a bit different now. First and foremost, I don't trust my mind and feelings. This appears a little morbid on the surface, but it's very rational and sound. If my emotions are the problem, and there are attendant thoughts that feed the problem emotions, then I absolutely should not rely on them. So I question them, and I challenge them. Especially the thoughts. This way, I go through the depression, or the mania, but I'm not overcome by it because I've developed this sort of presence of mind or awareness of what's going on. If it's more difficult to deal with, I tell myself about the good things that have happened to balance out the depression, or I remind myself of some things that have not gone according to plan to help bring down a mania. Yes, these things can be done, but they are very labor intensive and time consuming. My advice is not to cut the antidepressants without medical supervision. CBT (which is the formal name for what I do on my own) is very beneficial in the treatment of depression. I recommend it, but only under professional supervision. ADD--Now that you've specified that the depression is situational, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) would work best in the long run. The reason that I would advise against cutting meds cold turkey is that some of them can have adverse effects if they are stopped suddenly. For example, depakote has been known to cause seizures if it is stopped suddenly. A lot of them require weaning.

Answer 3

Keep asking yourself: "Am I willing to live like this?' because what you describe is how it will be 5, 10, 15 years from now! You already said: HE IS UNWILLING TO HELP HIMSELF.
Why do you think you or anyone else can change him?

If you are vibrant and active, possitive and upbeat then get out NOW and find someone who APPRECIATES you for the great woman you are!!!

Answer 4

You haven't found your soul mate yet. A real relationship is one of mutual understanding. The couple has to mesh from the beginning. People don't change, but they can learn. Your lover boy has no interest in personal growth. You can do a lot better. Stay away from the bad boys. Really now, is he good husband and father material??? You need to move on and you know it.

Answer 5

Sweetie, he sleeps a lot because of the depression. He really needs to see his doctor. There isn't anything you can do, or really anything he can do without some kind of help from a medical professional. Trust me on this one...

Good luck

Answer 6

To me it sounds like your life without him will be simliar to life with him, except that you will have open options while you eat food by yourself.

I have to wonder what you get from the relationship, and if the contrast makes you feel better about yourself?

And what if that results in making him feel worse about himself?

Answer 7

Would youlike to buy a dead horse? You have beat this one already. Sometimes you have to know when it's over....he has to want help to be helped and he has to be willing to help himself.

I think you are far better off to move on.

Answer 8

how old is he ?? you are a very nice woman. every woman should be like you. hopefully things will brighten up for him and he will start appreciating you

Answer 9

get fam. to help (his)