he is constantly bitching about his wife. about how much of a slob she is and how she doesnt do anything. is he just looking for a shoulder to whine on or advice ? what to make of it and how to handle the situation?
2007-06-22 13:04:39 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just listen to him and be a good friend. He is just complaining and needs to let out a bit of anger. Like my parents, for quite a while like about a month, I would always see them fighting. My mom complains to me and my dad complains to me. But I know and they both know that they love each other a lot. Married couples have problems all the time and need to talk to someone to let out a bit of anger. So just be a good friend and cheer him up.
2007-06-22 13:10:57 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is inappropriate for him to be talking about his wife this way with you. He needs to be addressing his problems with his wife. It's very personal and actually dangerous territory and the start of many an affair for some. They villainize the spouse to make themselves feel better about their own actions. Talking about problems in the marriage is a very intimate topic.
You have to wonder how much of his complaints are real and how much is exagerated. A marriage is a two way street and I'm sure that he is far from perfect himself. There maybe things that HE could do to improve the situation at home, but doesn't want to. There maybe reasons why his wife struggles with housework, such as a job of her own, lots of responsibility for children, and maybe very little support from him. Hard to say
You need to be a friend "of the marriage", not just his friend. Be supportive of his marriage, don't play along with his drama and complaints. It puts you in a difficult situation.
If he is 'constantly' complaining about his wife, then you two spend lots of time together. Does his wife know about this, or is he keeping secrets from her? If you friend is hiding his friendship with you from his wife, then it is a dangerous situation. Is he taking time from his marriage? Not saying that you are the problem, but that maybe he is not helping his situation.
Recommend they get counseling, some professional help.
Maybe a marriage weekend, such as Retrouville.
Suggest some relationship books, such as "His Needs, Her Needs" by W. Harley.
2007-06-22 21:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by joyh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's just venting, listen to him, or you can tell him your not that interested and can you talk about something else. But be careful.
I have seen where a married man does this to "feel out" whether the other person (yourself) would be open to having an affair. Its the whole "My wife doesn't understand me...satisfy me... look after...care for me" or any one of a thousand other excuses, for them starting to look elsewhere.
If he's a good friend and nothing more, you need to make that clear to him. If there might be something more, be prepared for a lot of heartache and turmoil. Life as the other woman can be so hard. Married men often make promises they won't keep, just like the ones he made to his wife.
2007-06-22 20:19:19 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is a whinner! He just wants sympathy from you, so he can work around and get you in bed with him. I fell for this trap about 5 years ago. They are the worse perpertrators out there. They play on our compassion and empathy for people and their problems. They see us as something weak, that they can conquer. If he really wants to get help with his marriage, he will go back to the source and get counseling; or he will leave! You can't sit on the "pity pot" and get sympathy in a healthy way! There usually is a underlying reason for people like this that sit around and complain about their problems. How long would it take him to stop complaining if you told him you would like to meet his wife! Then try to sit up a meeting with her, on the pretense that you might be able to help.
2007-06-23 01:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would let him know that complaining about his wife is disrespectful and not helpful toward the problem. Instead of complaining about his wife, maybe he could give her a hand once in a while. He should spend more time bragging about her strengths and talents rather than running her down to everyone.
Such men, as I see it, are jerks. No one should disrespect their spouse so much.
2007-06-22 20:11:50 · answer #5 · answered by TroothBTold 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been listening to him whine? If it has been more than a couple of times, I would tell him you just can't listen to him anymore. It's time for him to get a shrink to help him figure out why he is putting up with it and what he needs to make him happy. If you keep listening, you are liable to end up in a relationship with "Mr. Happy."
2007-06-22 20:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by Beach Saint 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the fact that you said he was "bitching about it" sounds like you have herd enough, crying on a shoulder is all good and dandy unless it interferes with the day to day every day.Its not your stress out walk away and tell em to come visit when he gets a divorce or some counseling..sheeesh lol just kidding......
2007-06-22 20:14:03 · answer #7 · answered by xsesivelyso2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he wants. Does he want to end the marriage or does he need a person to just listen/agree. Be helpful but tell him he complains about her a lot and that he needs to figure out what he wants here.
2007-06-22 20:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men don't usually seek out advice. They just whine. Which is OK, they can whine if they want, I'm not setting any double standards here! If you want be there just to listen, cool, if you're tired of hearing about it, mention it to him nicely that it really isn't any of your business, and his wife probably wouldn't like you knowing about her like that.
Good luck.
2007-06-22 20:09:09 · answer #9 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I have a female friend who does exactly that about her bf. I tell her all the time, you're not happy dear put an end to it.....but she is afraid of being alone she she prefers staying and nagging all day long.
2007-06-22 20:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋