How can I make my wife more interested in sex?

Question

I've talked to her about it and she pretty much said I'm not that good at sex and so she doesn't want to do it. It bothers me because it is part of a marriage and if I'm not that good at it then we need to fix that. What can I do? I can't change how good I am at sex but I'm afraid she will end up cheating on me someday if she hasn't already. I trust her but I just can't believe that she NEVER wants sex! She has to be satisfying herself somehow, right?

She usually will not let me do oral on her (even though that has seemed to be one of the most effective things I've done). I've tried to get her to do the dress up thing. She won't. I've tried helping around the house b/c I've heard many women find that sexy when you try to help them around the house. I've tried longer kissing and foreplay but she's snapped at me a couple times to just hurry up.

How can I change how good I am if she's not even willing to have sex?

Answer 1

loose the potbelly and try rogaine

Answer 2

Chances are she's not cheating or even satisfying herself (with sex, anyway). She may have a low libido and not know why she doesn't want it. It may be she is not happy with herself or her life in areas other than with you. You didn't mention if the two of you had kids or how long you have been married. What was you sex life like to begin with? When did it change? Do you have a good marriage outside of the bedroom? In addition to examining those things, what about you? Have you let yourself go? Any issues with halitosis or B.O.? Do you wear cologne (that's a big turn-on for most women - just don't go too strong - our sense of smell is much more sensitive than yours is, when it comes to the good and the bad)? One of the other answerers mentioned that she might think that sex is awkward or dirty. That may be true but it doesn't have to be a death-sentence for your sex life or your marriage. Counseling and/or sex therapy can go a long way and make your relationship stronger and more rewarding than ever. Even if she is resistant at first, you need to gently explain to her that sex is important to you both to maintain closeness and intimacy. Most women don't realize how important sex is to men mentally as well as physically.
You mentioned that she doesn't enjoy foreplay/oral - it's possible that it goes on too long. I've had that problem in the past - my husband would be too into foreplay and go way too long. Same thing with the actual intercourse - he would go so long it became painful. What would start out as fun became something I dreaded. I enjoy sex but not long, drawn out sex. After I became a mom, sex was even more difficult - I was tired all of the time from an infant that was up all night, plus I worked full-time days. I didn't get decent sleep for years. One night here or there wasn't enough. Sex soon became the last thing on my mind. If given a choice sleep usually won out over sex. There were a lot of nights I would have loved a quickie and then sleep but he just couldn't do that - it had to be an hour long.
So anyway, there are options - pick up a book by Suzanne Somers called The Sexy Years. Another good one is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Get counseling with a good family oriented counselor who will work with you both on getting on track with your marriage.

Answer 3

Invest more time and effort into foreplay. Also, inquire about her desires and make them happen. It may not be that you are not good at it, but rather she is not telling you what she would like for whatever reason, thus leaving her not satisfied. Rumor has it that women can get off more on just kissing and making out than intercouse. The goal of sex is not always intercourse. It's about both parties giving and receiving pleasure and making each other feel good and special. Maybe for some reason or whatever, she does not feel special anymore.

Women, just like men, can get frustrated with the same old, same old. Dress up can be exciting. Check out your local bookstore. There are many good books about sex and intimacy flooding the market that have more fun and creative ideas.

Answer 4

The additional info you put about her not wanting oral and rushing. Then the problem is not you. She has sexual hang ups. That makes it hard very hard. If she has gotten it into her head that sex is awkward or dirty. You have a huge problem. Best thing now is for you to seek it else where. I had previously gave a whole different answer. But if she is not willing to try at all. And does it as a chore one hates. If I were you I would do myself in the shower with soap and water. And leave her to her hang ups. Just make it clear to her. That you will not stand for cheating. If she isn't doing it with you. Tell her strait out, God help her if you find out that's the case.

Answer 5

Been there, dude. Just the not being told I was bad bit. My mrs just has no libido. It sucks, I know. I have given serious consideration to divorce. Beyond the sex, most other things are pretty good. On a scale of 1-10, I'd say we are an 8. But, if your mrs truly thinks your bad at it...ask her how to improve. Yes, you CAN change how good you are at it. Think back to your first time. If you were like me (with another virgin) ...I bet we looked like 2 monkeys fu**ing a football. Fast forward 20 years, I know I've definitely improved.

Answer 6

How many times have I heard the same thing? That's terrible. Try other methods like kissing for a long time passionately. Help her around the house. Hug her and tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. Also, you could try learning some other things you could do for her by reading some legitimate books on how to please women. (They are at stores like Barnes and Noble). Don't bother with dirty websites, magazines, and movies because they are done for camera angles so they aren't good to go by if you want to learn effective techniques of pleasing a mate.

Answer 7

Your Wife is terrible. Loss for appetite for sex is no matter of blaming and pointing fingers. It's a team effort to accomplish the best sexual experience. Sure sex may get stale. As humans, we all hate routine. We love excitement and new things. That is why adultry occurrs. If you switch it up a little she may get excited again like when you first both met. However, if she going to nag and give a bad attitude about it you have options. That's another topic, but you very well understand what I mean.

Answer 8

Maybe she can take it or leave it. Not everyone have a strong appetite for sex. If you're not "that good" - try to get better! Anyone can do it, you just have to put your mind to it. Go to some websites like Men's health or askmen.com, read up on the tips and tricks. Find out from your wife exactly what she likes. I think, she would much rather have sex with you than go through the trouble of finding someone "on the side"; just ask her what is it that you're not doing that she would like you to do.

Answer 9

Ask her straight up what she likes and wants maybe she does have another means of satisfaction and maybe she has a few insecurities her self. Be ready for the answer even if it hurts so that someday u will be able to find that woman who will teach you help you enhance your abilities in a meaningful yet sensual way

Answer 10

Look at what she is getting from your and stop it.
If she is spending your money start a separate bank account.
If she is getting romance out of you stop it.
Date night - no more.
All your tokens of love are saying you accept her the way she is. However you want sex and she is not providing, so stop paying for it.

Relationships are give and take. She is not giving you sex so don't let her take anything of yours. Trust me once you start holding back your money and affection you will feel better for it because you wont be such a sap.

I cut my wife off from taking my money and a romantic crap and now she is the one begging for sex. Sex is a control thing for women and they will naturally try and get all they can for it. Problem is they over estimate the worth of their sex. I promise you if you put her back into her place you will be happy. FYI, don't be obvious about it just do it.

Answer 11

maybe you could try to be romantic and maybe take a bath together. maybe even light some candles and put a porn on. I know watching porn sounds really dirty but it turns people on and if you are watching a porn together you will probably end up having sex. maybe even try getting a little vibrator that you can use during sex. do some role playing.