are people responsible for their childhood traumas?

Question

you know, when you are 21-22 you start to question life. and im 22. when i was a child i think i am abused physically and mentally.as a result im in a bad psychological state now.
when i talk about that with my parents, ''that i was traumatized'' they say ''i am overexaggerating it..''
i think that as an abuse too, because whatever i say, whatever i do i am guilty..
or is it possible that they re right? i will be happier if they are right..

i m talking about neglect,fights,beatings, calling for cops after biting my nose off,( i did not do anything believe me) being beaten for singing outloud, being beaten for refusing eating rotten food (yeah they did not know that it was rotten but didnt believed me when i said that it tastes funny)
etc..etc...
things like these...

any of these happened to you when you were a kid /teen ?

Answer 1

I really like samhillesq's answer above. Now, that being said, yes, people are responsible for their childhood traumas. (Gasp). When we are children and we are being abused, THAT is most certainly not our fault. BUT, when we are adults and we CHOOSE to define ourselves in the present based upon our memories, that is our own fault. Think about it. You are the "captain of your own soul", the movie director of your own existence. We are NOT merely the products of our upbringing. We are highly complex, fluctuating constructions of resonating energy with free will. We can vibrate that energy any old way we want. But, it's up to US to expend the make the effort to vibrate in a healthy, robust way. Or not.

Adults can clean their slates and create visions and dreams of their own making. To choose to shape and pervert and distort your present and future potentials with diseased memories is morbid and leads to no good. Memories can be a "trauma" only if that is how some part of you wants to get its jollies. YOU are creating whatever on-going "trauma" there may be if you choose to make those diseased memories a part of your vision. Instead, reboot. Start clean every day. And make it the best life you can for yourself and those you choose to love. Never, ever look back.

Healthy adults shape their OWN paradigms. They RISE above the no-longer existing past. They do not wallow in it or wear it like the hide of some long-dead animal and create evil spirits from it. And, they assume responsibilty for making the effort to be healthy and to take the helm of their own lives. It is a waste of ones life to fail to make that effort. And, there is no honor or honesty in blaming the past for our failure to rise on our own effort.

Answer 2

No. People are not responsible for what happened to them as a child. But we are responsible for dealing with the effects of the trauma and how we deal with them and others. We are responsible if we go on terrorizing others; bully, etc. Now as an adult, you can get out from under their influence/control as you see it. But now you have the responsibility of being a good person youself. Not an easy job, not having had good role models. But you can do it! Maybe you could go into work helping others overcome bad childhoods and make a positive life for themselves, also. But obviously, talking with your parents about it will only make you feel worse. Denial is the name of their game. You might THINK you'd be happier if they were right--but you'd only be joining in on their mind-set--and live a miserable life yourself. Give-it-up tying to get them to acknowledge that they were/are wrong. Their whole lives are built on myths. The only chance of your having a new productive life is probably to move hundreds of miles away; go to college to find an area that you are made for and who can help others who grew up in similar conditions. Good Luck! Someone wrote that a person goes through childhood and then spends the rest of their life getting over it!

Answer 3

If you truly believe that you were abused, get your story straight and file criminal charges against them, or get over it, the choice is yours alone! A crime is a crime no matter how you slice it, if my father was still alive I would have him prosecuted for beating me throughout my entire childhood. I was happy when he died and everyone thought I was crazy because I wasn't sad about it. You can do very little about the way you feel, if it bothers you that bad don't get mad get even! It's not your fault in the slightest, and everyone exaggerates, everything seems much bigger when you are young, maybe you are exaggerating but it did effect you to the point that you made mention of it to the whole world. Your parents won't think you are exaggerating when the Sherriff knocks on the door, and they are hauled to jail for what they did! Good luck pal!

Answer 4

The past is the past. You might not have had a good example for how to treat or to live your life, but there are so many good examples out there for you to start with right now.
Your psychological damage can't be erased but it can be put on a back burner. No matter what your background and your feelings about your parents, you know what's right and it's a moot point to argue with your parents about the past. Just be sure to start your life from today and don't look back to the past for answers. It hurts and I know from experience and it will just make things so much harder if you keep pushing the issue of this. Let it go and start fresh.

Answer 5

Well it really depends on what happened, you did not say, so no one can really say if you were or were not abused. But how did you feel about it as a child? Did you feel traumatized, and abused? If it did not really affect you then then it was really not traumatic for you then. Bottom line, if you felt traumatized then you probably were. And no you are not responsible for it. You were just a kid.

Answer 6

yes. i believe the parents are to blame. they will never admit it. if you are in a bad psychological state you should talk to a therapist. good luck.

Answer 7

oh course they are responsible to fixing themselves. sure they may have been gotten it from family but its their responsibility to fix themselves.