I have a friend [of 16 years] who has been with this guy for 9 years they have been married for the past 2. He has used Meth since the year [about] 2001 and she has said she will leave and then he cleans up for a week and they are "happy" again. this has gone on for 6 years. I don't deal with it anymore, because it makes me mad that she stays. BUT she volunteers for it and is stupid for doing so. Like 3 weeks ago he didnt come home for 2 days and she moved her stuff out and wanted me to help [i wouldnt because i KNEW it would be poinless and told her that] well 3 days later they were back together and i yelled at her. And she said "every relationship has problems" is this a "NORMAL relationship" problem?
I don't get why she put up with this crap. I dont even wanna talk to her anymore.
2007-06-22 10:11:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Meth is not a normal problem, and the relationship your friend is into is not normal either... But she has put up with this kind of situation for 9 years and she will never get it that its not normal... She has live in it for too long that she doesnt think its wrong anymore... Your in a bad spot though cause you want her badly to turn away from this kind of life, but always remember you cannot save everybody even your closest friend... If someone can really convince her to turn away from that kind of life ITS ONLY HER, not anyone and not even you... Sorry Ive been with this same situation, and sadly there isnt anything we can do...
2007-06-22 10:21:07 · answer #1 · answered by Cess B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, Meth issues are not normal in the majority of most marriages. It sounds like they have a very unhealthy relationship and you are wise to keep your distance. You can't make people change. Either accept her for how she is and be her friend or choose to move on. Your best bet is to move on. She will not leave until she is ready to leave. And that might be never. If you truly like your friend and your only issue is with her marriage, then ask her not to talk to you about it anymore and see if you can still be friends without discussing her relationship. While no relationship is ever "perfect" this goes beyond what "normal" issues would be.
2007-06-22 10:17:30 · answer #2 · answered by Tina N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with this being rather vague and what is normal may vary from person to person, culture to culture, etc. Only way to answer this is just write out a couple of examples of what I think is normal and what I think is not too typical of working or functional marriages. I would personally say that things that are NOT normal or potential problems that may lead to divorce are: physical abuse, mental abuse, infidelity. Normal: occasional attitude, sarcasm, bickering over the chores, too much or too little physical intimacy, too much or too little communication.
2016-05-17 22:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, we both know this is not a normal relationship. If your friend has had a normal relationship in the past- try to remind her of that relationship and show the differences.
It is pretty obvious she is not going to listen to you- no offense. Try to get her to see a professional. Encourage them to seek couples counseling. Have another friend, mother, brother, sister, etc that is close with both of you speak to her about the situation.
Something you can do for yourself is let her know that you disapprove of the relationship and you will listen to her complain or talk about ANY thing else, except this bad relationship. Let her know you love her and it hurts you to see her constantly in pain and YOU cant take that anymore. For your own mental health, you need to steer clear of anymore conversations about him, but when she is ready to deal with it (ie leave him) you will help in any way you can.
Just an extra thought- is there a way to do drug intervention with him? or get him tossed in jail? That might help the "normalcy" fallacy of the situation sink in .
This is a tough one. Its hard to watch people you love deal with unpleasant situations.
Good Luck!
2007-06-22 10:21:18 · answer #4 · answered by XaXa30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, marriage it self is not normal but everyone has their ways so stop getting involve her problems because no matter what you do or say she will always go running back... If she asks you to help her tell her no and tell her the reason why. Trust me I've been there and done that. Her problem not yours she is blindly in love. stop waisting your time and leave it alone just be there for her but dont give her advice, cause it come in through one ear and rite out the other!!
2007-06-22 10:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Mamushka♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is exactly zero thats normal about that relationship, and everything screams to her, Leave, LEAVE! If its been going on that long, its a pattern that will not change. Normal problems would be, husband spent too much on tools at Sears, wife took alittle too much advantage of a big sale at the gap. Junk like that, my opinion anyway.
2007-06-22 11:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by Army Retired Guy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meth addiction is NOT a normal marriage problem. I'm not 100% certain of the science, but I believe I read once that you can't actually recover from Meth addiction and that the damage it does to your brain is permanent. He needs to get professional help or their troubles are only going to get much MUCH worse.
2007-06-22 10:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by BOOM 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you.....they need help from the professionals....moving in or out is avoiding confrontation with the problem until something more serious happens...I think this isn't a normal marital problem....marital problems should and usually deal with objectives that need to be discussed and compromises usually are what are expected....but this doesn't deal with compromises ....it is very serious...
good luck to your friend....
2007-06-22 10:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by frieda l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drug addiction is not normal and should not be tolerated in any relationship. She is enabling him and she has zero self respect which is why they both keep riding this cycle. He knows she'll take him back.
As her friend, I would tell her that you love her(if you do) but you cannot be around her while she is in this destructive relationship. Then I would have no contact with her.
2007-06-22 10:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by Patio 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may consider it normal, but her husband is selfish and she is an enabler for him to continue down this path of destruction. He is selfish because he cares not one iota for her and seemingly only cares about getting high through drugs, not love. But only she can take the steps out the door and to another situation.
2007-06-22 10:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by Zombie Birdhouse 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋