What do you think of this situation?what went wrong?

Question

Hubby and i always had a good relationship he was a freak in bed and so was i always up for anything ;we tried it all but after a time he started watching more more porn.He had always indulged in porn sometimes so i thought nothing of it plus my female friends and i liked to occassionally giggle watch porn movies too had since college.Well then he starting prefering porn to having sex with me which as hurtful i asked what was wrong he said nothing.I asked to watch with him and he said no telling me he needed his privacy.Well i started watching porn on my own and took to using a vibrator.He got angry when he tried to join in and i kicked him out saying i needed my privacy .He started trying more to improve our sex life/realationship on whole and i started watching porn less so did he but the minute our sex life became better and relationship(less fights) we even started trying for a baby .He went right back to porn a lot and neglecting our sex life.Now we are seperated on divorce road?

I dont understand what i did wrong? we have been seperated almost 2.5 yrs and i have moved on but i still wonder what i was doing wrong?I was a good wife i cooked,tried to keep house tidy, worked,never turned him down on sex (unless i had my period)or new ideas in bed room with the exception of a 3 way, and i honestly alway tried to be their for him.?

No our relationship was not all sex we met in college were good platonic friends for 1.5 yr before dating.

Answer 1

Sounds like your marriage main foundation was based on great sex. Maybe it wasn't but just from the info I have it sounds like it. Anyway....Maybe both of you need to re-examine where the real problem was, it obviously wasn't a lack of sexual imagination. Sounds like a lack of communication the reason most marriages end. Even if you two don't try to work things out, maybe you two should sit down and figure out the deeper side so that the next relatioinship won't end on the same road. You all had something many wish for if only you could of expanded it to the rest of your marriage you would of had an almost perfect marrige.

Answer 2

Your husband is stuck in a Jack off mode. He enjoys fantasy and JO more than he does actual sex. This is the only danger of porn...loss of a sense of reality and addiction. I usually say, no problem, but this is where some people head to when they loose perspective. Sorry to say this, but it is somewhat juvinile to make JO your best source of sex...selfish and looses a sense of what sex is really about. All married men JO at times...big deal...hurts nothing, is no reflection upon their wives. BUT when JO becomes the primary source of sex, there is a problem in the marriage, and I am sure you are doing nothing wrong, this is his problem. I don't suggest "retaliation" as you have done by the "privacy/vibrator thing" as a solution. Believe it or not, the JO/Vibrator thing CAN be fun if shared...4 hands/2 mouths are always better than 2/1. And it can be great foreplay also. You both need to go to a sex therapist and put it on the table, with painful honesty...that is your only hope. I would not consider divorce at this point, but if you cannot get it straighteded out, then it will be best for both of you to part. Good luck and peace.

Answer 3

First of all having a baby is a terrible way to solve problems. The way you've described your relationship---it was mostly about sex. Even if sex is great there should be more to it. Is it possible that you too confused lust with love? On another note, do you love him, or is it just that you're used to having him around? If you both didn't watch porn or have sex for a month, would you have anything to talk about?

Answer 4

See a professional council. It is not unusual for a new relationship to have an active sex life. However, after a while, it does dwindle down to a more moderate event. Taking you at your word, using porn like that is unhealthy (my opinion) and a professional therapist may be needed to clear up some unspoken issues.

Answer 5

Porn addict.
Addicts are different from those who "use" porn now and then as a hobby.
Please read up on this.
Addicts brain chemistry changes. Addicts have a difficult time keeping it up when in real situations because it is not the pavlovian dog thing they have going with porn.
Addicts MUST do it alone, be sneaky, and lie.
Email me if you want to talk further.

Answer 6

You didn't do anything wrong. Your husband has a problem, and needs help. You need to stop blaming yourself, decide if you still love your husband and want to stay with him, and if the answer is yes, ask him if he will get help (he needs it, even if he says he doesn't). Otherwise, you're fighting a losing battle. There's more to marriage than great sex. You can find that anywhere. Finding someone who is respectful and responsible as well is the difficult part.

Answer 7

Porn addictions destroy marriages, and I assume that's what is going on here. In many cases, a man sees it as fine to watching porn, but the minute his wife begins getting into it (coupled with a vibrator), he feels threatened, like you don't need him in order to be sexually satisfied.

Bottom line, your husband probably has a porn addiction that needs to be addressed ASAP. People underestimate how serious these are. I suggest you get into counseling as soon as possible.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Obviously he chose porn over a live breathing person. I keep hearing how men watching porn is natural. How would men like seeing their women watching porn without them? What if a wife wanted to pose nude and/or do f*ck scenes with other guys? After all....its has nothing to do with emotions. I say to my hubby if you don't want to see me in playboys, stripping at clubs, or doing porn then you shouldn't be watching it.

Answer 9

The only wrong thing you've done is wonder what you did wrong. Your actions seem eminently logical and correct to me. Spend more time thinking about what HE did wrong and you'll be a bit farther ahead. It would be my guess that he has a personality "disorder" or quirk that doesn't let him be satisfied with the status quo. So, to get around to answering your question, the thing you MAY have done wrong was to let him into your life. I'm sure you didn't know about his quirk.

Answer 10

You did nothing wrong. Guys just need variety. Topless bars, the net, something like that. When you pushed him away it was a big hit to his ego, men think women don't have egos. Every guy is different though. Good luck on the next one.