What should I do? I'm thinking about having an affair!?

Question

I have been married for 14 months now and I truly love my husband. Currently his job has him working out of town and he comes home twice out of the week...on days that I have to work. Instead of using at least one of those to take me to lunch he wants to have them both to do whatever he wants since they are his off days. I won't lie, he makes sure the nights are for us and is always home. When he is away is the problem. He works from mid afternoon until early the next morning and so we only talk about 15 minutes when he is headed to work. He always promises to call me the next morning when he gets off which is also when I'm getting up and getting ready for work, but he never does. He says he is so exhausted he falls straight to sleep. I know he works hard and I do believe he is genuinely tired but he does have to ride back to his work provided quarters so why can't he call me then to at least say hello? This is everyday that he's away at work and I've tried to be supportive.

but his lack of communication is making it very hard. Please understand i do not think he's cheating at all. But I have fallen for an ex-coworker. he no longer works with me but he still comes to see me and calls me at work. We started off as friends but he has confessed his feelings for me and acknowleges that it could never be anything serious since I am married. I really enjoy our conversations and when we talk I forget that my husband has not bothered to call me. I am thinking about going to the next level with this guy b/c well, I am curious. Since my husband is home twice a week, I'm not really in need of any physical comfort but I am curious about this guy. My question, am is it considered cheating by us just talking on the phone and him coming to my job to see me? Obviously, physical intimacy is cheating, but I do like this guy's companionship. What should I do? Is it ok to at least continue talking to him to make up for my husband's slack? All advice is welcome.

Ok, here's the deal. I really don't intend to be intimate with this guy. Like I said, I'm not in need since my husband is home twice a week. But I do like his friendship and I enjoy talking to him. My husband works where he can't have a phone on the premises so I have tried just calling to leave a lovey-dovey message. But like today he is in town just to go to court and yet he didn't even think enough to come by and say hi and give me a kiss. I work only a few blocks from the court he had to go to! I am very appreciative of what he is doing for our family but sometimes I just want him to call even if he doesn't have a whole lot of time to talk. But he doesn't and when this guys calls not only does it pass the time by but it makes me forget my worries. I'm honestly not interested in sex with him; just conversation. Is that wrong?

Answer 1

I understand how this is making you feel, I wouldn't like it either if this were my husband. But how is having an affair going to help? You haven't said anything about lacking sex. You seem to get his attention every night when he's home - though he could do more to spend some time with you in the afternoons as well. I think having an affair will only make things worse. Whatever you aren't getting at home, you could temporarily get elsewhere, but again, how is that going to help? You must talk to your husband again, and again, whatever it takes. Tell him you can't keep going like this. Something I tell my husband all the time is "if I wanted to spend my time alone I wouldn't have gotten married". My husband is currently fixing his boat, or his motorcycle or whatever oddity he has outside. He loves being outside, I like being inside. So even when we are both home, I'm in the house and he's outside. Lately he doesn't come in until after dark and I'm already in bed. When I say something to him he says "well it's not like I'm going out, i'm only outside!" and he gets an attitude. I tell him that he's still outside doing what he loves. He's drinking a beer and "fixing" something with his buddy Bob and even though he's right outside, he's still NOT WITH ME. So trust me when I say I know what you are goingh through. But cheating isn't the answer. Just keep talking to him, make him understand that you need him. And if things don't ever improve, then you may have to consider a seperation or divorce. I mean really, you are alone all the time anyway right? But please let that be the last resort. Good luck

Answer 2

Don't even think of having an affair. Grow up and take care of this problem with your husband. Don't put wood on the fire!

I will tell you that he is being very disrespectful if you can't get the phone call you want. That's when you have to threaten that you will not put up with this nonsense. He should be rushing to call you, because he can't wait to see how you are and tell you about his day. You both don't seem very close right now and you have to change that.

When your together, he can't go do the things he wants to do. He is being incredibly selfish. You cannot be selfish in a marriage. This is when you both work together and sacrifice for each other so that both are happy. You have to come up with some kind of agreement, because this will eventually cause major problems.

Get your self respect, pride and value and confront him. Tell him, the job doesn't come first and you are not comfortable with the way he is treating you and your relationship. Do not accept anything that is not making you happy and if he isn't willing to change that, then I hate to say it will only get worse.
Good Luck

Answer 3

This EX coworker is nothing more than a slimy predator that knows your weakness and situation and is using it to get into your pants. I think that you should ask your husband exactly what you wrote in here and see if he approves of what you are thinking about doing. From all you said, he is busting his butt to make a living and for that you want to have an affair? I am not going to say all the ugly things that are coming to mind right now, but you need to zip up your pants, button up your shirt and tell this other guy to take a hike because you are married and do not need his attention or affection. Keep on with this guy and it will end up bad, I promise.

Answer 4

Now, Here is a very simple question, Why did you get married if you are not in the relationship for the long run????

I am now going to have to question your so call love for this man that is making a sacrifice to make a better life for both you and him.

If he doesn't call you why can't you call him to say hello. You know that he is tired you can try and make his day by calling him to make sure that is awake. You call him just to say that you miss him and that you love him. There many other things that you could do.

You know its women like you that have most guys out there giving single women a hard time because their heart was broken by someone that didn't appreciate what was given to them.

I wish I had someone that I could call and say that I love them and that I miss them.

You need to get a life Big Time.

Answer 5

Why would you want to have an affair? It would only make matters more complicated.

Regarding your situation: is your husband's new work schedule a temporary thing? If it is, tough it out. If not, one of you should consider switching jobs so your schedules will match up or just move to the new location his job is taking him to. Also: if you know he's available when you get up, why don't YOU call HIM? Get up a little earlier, so you can have a little extra time to talk without being in a rush to get ready for work. It is HARD to get men to call when you want-I personally think it's wired into their genes! *lol* I've experienced this for years, with previous boyfriends. Even my fiancee, when we originally started out, as a long-distance relationship, would forget to call when he had promised (he would fall asleep sometimes, too). But we survived and have been living together for almost 3 years.

The one thing that does concern me is his wanting his 2 days off to do his own things. He is already doing his own thing by sticking with this job that is sending him out of town to work. If he is not going to bother calling you, he needs to take some time off for you-he really should be inviting you to lunch at least ONE of these 2 days. He's not going to lose an arm for spending 1 extra hour of the day with you and 1 hour should not make a huge dent in his schedule, either. What is he doing during that time, anyway?? I think you seriously need to talk this over with him. YOU should be his priority, especially when you are spending so little time together.

But really, don't have an affair. I see where you're going-maybe you think this will make him stand up and pay attention, but it will only complicate matters more and might actually backfire by creating even more distance between you two. Temptation is something that happens in every serious relationship. You'll always meet someone attractive and nice, especially when times are hard, who will make you wonder. But that doesn't mean you should act on it! You need to evaluate your situation: how much you love your husband and whether you are willing to sacrifice whatever good times you have for this ex-coworker. Are you sure this guy isn't trying to take advantage of the situation? I wouldn't sacrifice a relationship just because you're curious.

You really need to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband, especially about those two days off at home. He does need to spend more time with you-he should be taking advantage of every minute.

Good luck! Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 6

And an affair would solve what exactly?

Bad karma for you. Guilt for you. Possible pregnancy or STD for you. Bad karma for the person cheating with you. Hell to pay when your husband found out, possibly the end of your marriage.

I'm not seeing that an orgasm with someone else is worth all the above...but if you're willing to accept the consequences (remember, what goes around, comes around) then do as you desire...but also remember, if you do cheat you never have the right to complain if someone does it to you.

Why not try talking to your husband about how you feel? If you don't have communication, honesty, and trust then you don't have much of a relationship. If you want to maintain a friendship with this guy but no sex or talk of sex, then fine...sometimes a male perspective can be helpful.

Answer 7

Have you tried telling him that you really miss him and just want him to make the effort to call you, even if its only for a minute. I know my husband and I have had that conversation - for him if he does not have time to talk he does not bother to call. But I need him to want to just say hi, to acknowledge to me that he was at least thinking about me! The first couple of years are hard, made harder for you because you are separated so often. But hang in there. You married this guy for a reason - if you have an affair you are giving up! Talk to him, tell him your needs but be willing to hear his too!

Answer 8

Did he have this job when you were dating? If so you knew what you were getting into. He works a lot to make a life for the two of you and you want to return the favor by cheating? Little girls like you make me sick! Get a toy and treat your hard working husband with respect!

It's called and emotional affair Dummy!


You are having one right now!!!

Answer 9

You sound like you are truely in love with your husband and from your description he is loyal to you. As a man who has been down the slippery slope of cheating and decite I can only warn against it and how it does so much harm to any relationship.
Try telling him how connected you feel to him when you hear his voice and let that be your lead in to asking if he could call during that time you described.
Best of Luck and stay true..even if you have to use internet porn (not chat) or toys to make it through..smile!

Answer 10

Do you want a divorce? If you have an affair and he finds out that is where it will most likely lead. What about your vowes? If you are ready for an affair after 14 months were you really ready to get married? The two of you should seek counseling together, or at least you should for sure.