How many people here (disabled) find themselves feeling embarassed when asking for assistance they deserve?

Question

How many of you feel ashamed, humiliated or embarassed, and like a "loser" when you ask for and have to fight for assistance you deserve to receive?

Such as asking for, fighting with Workers Compensation when you have a legitimate work accident?

I am so used to being independent and self reliable that I just cringe and start to cry when I have to ask for assistance. Then I feel even more humilitated.

I know its probably about pride, which is about all I have left and not very darn much of that. If you are like me you WANT to say "in your face" I can take care of myself - but in reality I cant, I am homeless now. Scared to death.

Its a very hard and bitter pill to swallow.

I am Canadian and our Government doesnt much care what happens to the Disabled. If they are homeless - shrug - so what? Who cares? Benefits have been cut as much as 39% in recent years, no free housing for the disabled or homeless.

1 year in the US? I've been beating my head against that brick wall that stands between the disabled and employment for over 17 years now.

So much good input I am reluctant to pick an answer & close the thread. Thank you all.

Oh yes " Employment Agencies for the "Disabled".

In Canada we are lumped in with drug addicts, alcoholics, & people coming out of jail & trying to find work.

The physically disabled & the severely mentally disabled are all lumped together, I mean SEVERELY disabled. No one capable of posting here fits that category., so please dont take offense.

These agencies offer programs to get your grade 12, learn how to write a resume, how to find ads in the newspaper. They provide programs on expectations,such as come to work on time and sober., find people work in what is classified as "menial labour" . (washing dishes etc)

I am 55, I became disabled at age 39 while working as an Accountant. I have 4 yrs of University, 2 yrs Business Admin,10 yrs experience in Management. I am not able to wash dishes, use a computer for long periods of time. My WCB report on what I can do is a joke.

WCB says I can work as long as I can set my own hours, work at my own pace, take breaks when I have to, take time off when I have to.

As long as I dont have to sit for extended periods of time, stand for extended periods of time, can vary my position between sitting, standing, walking, and dont have to use repetitive arm movements or extended arm positions as part of my employment.

WHAT and WHERE Is this job and WHO and WHERE is this employer?

Someone asked if I thought the disabled were losers before I became disabled. In a word "no".

I was active in lobbying for the rights of the disabled, going after bldg owners who didnt have access for the handicapped - one of them was an elementary school in Northern Alberta ! There were 2 children in wheelchairs who were being kept from attending school - can you believe it?

I worked with mentally challenged adults "teaching" "communication and play therapy". They were severely challenged & were institutionalized

While working there I went after staffing policies and established a "mental health day" for workers who were "stressed" (read between the lines- abusive) and "retraining" for staff who were "letting their stress interfer with job performance". (now there's a Govt spin for you).

I also worked as a counselor and recreation person for ADHD youth in residential care because their parents couldnt handle them, & who "ran afoul of the law."

So - no

Answer 1

The situation in the US is bettry--but not much. The government here dooesn't give a rat's a~ss about the disabled.

We do have very good access to higher education, and despite all the loopholes the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) has improvedpublic access.

The "embarrassment" factor is something I went through. And--beleive me--you need to let it go. THAT will disable you more than the physical problems.

I am blind--and whle I do everything I can on my own (including travelall over the country alone) I don't hesitate to ask for help--nor am I ashamed to do so any longer.

Here's (simple examplle) you have to learn to look at it: if I go into a store, and don't see what I need, I ask a clerk. That clerk is getting paid to help customers. I'm just asking for what any other customer might ask for. I jsut have to ask more oftenthan most. But I am NOT going to feel embarrased about asking someoneto do the job they are being paid for--especially since ultimately its the customer (ME) who is paying their wages.

That doesn't mean I'm demanding or obnoxious--hopefully! :)

It soes mean I expect to be treated with respect. And if others fail to do that, its their failure, notmine.

Do I worry about looking helpless? No. since I lost my vision, I have (among other things) earned 3 advanced degrees. I don't have to apologize to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

And NEITHER DO YOU.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Yep, I know how you feel. I am disabled due to Multiple Sclerosis, among other things. When the MS isn't active (I have the recurring and remitting kind) I look as healthy as anyone else. And I do sometimes feel guilty. But, I think the reason I feel guilty is mainly because of the *looks* I get from other people and the remarks, like," You don't look sick to me, why don't you go get a job?" When the MS is inactive, I try to work a job. But then when it flares up, I have to quit and go back on government benefits. Then, I feel like I've let everyone down.

It is a very hard and bitter pill to swallow. But, try to give yourself a break and be gentle to yourself. I'm so sorry that you are homeless. I'm blessed in that my husband makes enough money to support me when I can't work. But, staying at home all the time can be very depressing. And depression makes MS symptoms worsen. I don't know what I would do if I was homeless on top of everything else.

Lower your pride, what's left of it, and ask someone to take you into their home. You need a safe place to treat your injury/illness. If you want to talk or chat, go to my profile and click on email or IM. Peace.

Answer 3

Hi fellow Canadian, sorry to hear the 'system' is giving you such a hard time.

Anyway my disability is from birth so asking for help hasn't really been a major problem for me. I ask, people usually like to help and the ones who don't , who needs em. But I do understand you independence issues, especially since you've acquired a disability later in life , I've just asked a question about that in s&c disabilities section myself.

I think in my teens and twenties and 30s I was more fiercely into I want to do it myself thank you, however as I have aged I've come back to being able to balance interdependence and independence so I don't feel ashamed or like a loser.

One's attitude to disability also really affects and effects how one reacts to having a disability. If you had the attitude before you became disabled, that disabled people were losers, it's definitely a bitter pill to have to swallow joining the supposedly loser ranks.

I've never thought of myself as a loser and frankly I never much paid attention to the people who thought I was, more their problem than mine.

Anyway if you are in Ontario Ontario Disability Support Program Employment Services has been very helpful to me in the past. I'm on odsp for the past ten years other health problems other than my primary disability got me.

You can also find work online that allows you to work your hours at your speed under your particular conditions and depending on what kind of work it is , the online jobs do pay fairly well to supplement your wcs.

I can feel the frustration flying off the question. Pls feel free to contact me if you want to vent. Are you involved with any of the Independent Living Centres ? March of Dimes?

You are not a loser in any shape or form, unless you continue to want to think of yourself as one. The choice is indeed up to you.

Answer 4

I was so embarassed to ask for help for a few years actually because I had this perception it meant admitting I was weak. Once it finally got to the point I had to get help for my own good and safety I realized it was one of the strongest most empowering things I could do. What was so bothersome was that when I finally did ask, it was such a mess I almost gave up and just figured whatever happens will happen. Of course I was dealing with the veterans administration which is a whole other headache unto itself. Even once I started getting benefits after awhile and jumping through a series of hoops even little things like applying for my free bus pass or even using it as people could see it was humiliating to me. I look able bodied and the stares some people would give me were more than I could bear at times. The whole process to me felt humiliating at times in all honesty, especially dealing with the doctors that were supposed to be helping me. I had more than a couple that questioned my sincerity because I tried doing it all on my own for a several years after leaving the service and assumed it had more to do with losing my job than actually having problems. I have friends in Vancouver having all types of problems with disability and homelessness due to it etc...I guess the problem is everywhere. All I can say is keep fighting, don't ever give up, and that asking for help far from means you have little pride. Quite the contrary doing what you have to in order to take care of yourself and fight for yourself is a great display of pride. I know saying that doesn't help much in any tangible way but I really hope things look up for you.

Answer 5

If you're homeless, ask HUD for housing. I live in a HUD apartment complex for persons over 50 and/or disabled. Those who are homeless get first attention when an apartment comes open and if you have no income, you pay no rent.
I have worked all my life (was a teacher and second career was mental health professional). I have been disabled for 11 years. At first I was shy about using mobility aids but I met so many people who went out of their way to ask if I needed help that I soon felt comfortable. Getting disability benefits is a real challenge but there again I was luckier than many. One look at my x-rays and my benefits came quickly. I feel very blessed to live in an area (southern Tennessee) where people are friendly and go out of their way to be helpful.

Answer 6

When my dad went blind at 35, he was so embarassed to have to ask for assistance for his wife and five kids. He had been a decorated WWII vet.

I'm 56 and blessed to have a good income provided by my ex husband that keeps a roof over my head and food on the table. However, since I lost my license for medical reasons I am going broke trying to pay the additional cost of transportation to get back and forth to doctor's appointments. The rest of the time I stay in the house.

I wish there was assistance that could be offered because I sure would not be embarassed to ask for it.

Like many others, I look very healthy and just say "thank you" when people comment on how well I look.

Answer 7

I have to respect you. I too, have been fighting the system here in the U.S. since 1992. I know exactly where you are coming from. My first suggestion to you is to forget those *ssholes. My second suggestion is, if the Canadian Government is as quick to help other minority groups quickly point out to the government this fact. I done it on numerous occasions and I will do it again in a heartbeat. They might not like it but "F*ck them", they will get over themselves and if not than "Oh, well." My third suggestion is, found out what your skills are and build them up. Most important is the fact that you don't want to give up. That is exactly what these *ssholes want you to do.

Answer 8

I'm breaking off into my own business soon and out of the 3 people working with me 2 of them are disabled below the waist, because they are very clever people who can do the work just as easily as anyone else, sure we are having to design our rather modest office to accomate wheel chairs but thats a legal requirement anyway so no difference to me

Answer 9

I'm disabled and in a wheelchair. I'm used to being independant too. I feel embarrassed when I see someone come to assist me. I can do it myself sometimes. Sometimes I can't pick up my wheelchair to put it in the car. That's when I'm embarrassed. I have a home which I just sit here by myself and don't have anyone to talk to. I'm afraid to get out by myself.I'm afraid were in the same boat.I need a friend.

Answer 10

It took me over three years to receive my disability(U.S.).
That was three years of no income. I was never embarrassed, but I think the government should be embarrassed when someone is truly disabled, and they make the process so long and difficult with so much red tape and hoops you have to jump through, even when your doctor and the doctors they send you to all agree that you are disabled and can no longer work.