What do you put first your Husband or your Children?

Question

I believe that the husband comes first before anybody. After all he is the head of the household and keeping the family together.

Children when they become a certain age learn to care for themselves, especially when giving chores.

What is our say on the manner?

Answer 1

Its always the children no matter what . Its the only way to protect them always .

Answer 2

Children and a spouse serve different roles in our lives, so what comes first is like comparing apples and oranges.

The father of your children was chosen by you. You both decided to have children because you both thought you were RIGHT for each other as a life partner.

However, it is not one of you but both of your responsibility to provide for the needs of your children up to a certain age- the children will go and you will continue living with this same person you chose to live with until death do you apart.

Unless you are getting divorced because he is someone who is irresponsible and puts you and children's safety or well being in jeopardy, you should not have to choose between the two. If you are with a husband who doesn't want children and you want children, then you must decide if you want to stay married to someone who doesn't share your dreams and wants.

If the love you had for each other has been extinguished or things are no longer working between the two of you because of other reasons, then you have different responsibilities with each other, the children and husband. Obviously if the children are minors, it doesn't matter whether you want it or not, you are legally responsible for them. However if they are adults, you are not.

On the other hand, if you and spouse get separated, the law may make the well off spouse pay alimony to the other, no matter how old he or she is.

Some people are comfortable serving both roles simultaneously, but sometimes it may become a challege when a spouse and you differ in your point of views or your life plans change.

May be the person you have on your side and you have grown apart, but this should affect your relationship role not on your parent role because they are both separate.

Answer 3

Actually, there is a time and place for both. Daytime is time to be "family." Activities that bring a family together. Evening is wind down time...Mom and Dad both bring the end of the day to a quiet halt of cleaning up and putting the kids to bed. Soft music, soft lighting, candles, gentle talk with a glass of wine to bring in a romantic night. Once or twice per month get a weekend sitter...send the kids off to have some time away...or get away yourselves to a adventurous hideaway to spend intimate moments together.
Men that bring children into this world should take an active part in being a parent. It took two to make the children, it takes two to raise em' and there should always be moments of inspiration for both parents to come together and enjoy the quiet time of reunion and excitement.
Holds a marriage together and a family together.
Heads of houses are not bosses. They're leaders. And a good leader leads his family in healthy relationships for each member of his family.
In this day and age, most women work harder for the dollar than does man...do good men know how to step up to the plate and meet the needs of all the members of the family. Don't they good guys?

Answer 4

My kids come first. They cannot care for themselves yet and well, my husband can even though he doesn't always want to.

I think its selfish for a husband to expect to come first over helpless children who wont be able to care for themselves for nearly 20 years.

YOUR husband might be the head of your household but that isn't always the case. There are tons of families where the WOMAN makes more money or all of the money and keep the family together.

Answer 5

I put my family first. So does my husband.

We're all members of the family, here in our house. Adults & children.

Children sometimes need more than adults or have more pressing needs than adults or have needs that they cannot possibly meet themselves. As adults, both my husband & I understand that & wouldn't think of expecting someone to take care of our needs before a child's.

Answer 6

You and your husband become one when you marry so the answer is you obvious. Your husband first then you children. I will protect my children with my life but as a wife your husband should always be first. He shouldn't make you make a choice though if he is a good loving husband.

Answer 7

I have a 2 year old and a 12 year old and my children come first everytime.
I think the question is a little too vague it will also depend on the age of the children and if your husband if the father (children can make life very difficult with step-fathers) - so it isnt just a case of saying children first or husband first , it would depend on the situation.

Answer 8

ur husband is a grown man, just as u r a grown woman. if ur kids were in need of u at the same time that ur husband needed u, which would u go running 2? as far as im concerned, men r wayyy 2 dependent on women. he works? uhh soo!? so do millions of women! and yet women do just as hard a job as men at work, then they get 2 come home 2 their kids and r expected 2 feed, dress, and bathe their children while the husband gets 2 sit on the couch and chug a cold beer? i think not. im not saying he's not important, but sometimes things make their way 2 the bottom of the list, and if it means he has 2 go there, so u can protect and take care of ur kids, so be it.

children r a gift, no matter how hard that might be 2 remember when they r pulling eachother's hair, but they r. they didnt ask 2 be there, u brought them in2 this world. ur responsibility is 2 them, not an adult.

long story short: if a woman can take care of herself, her kids, take b.s. from her husband, work, and manage 2 sleep at nite, a GROWN man can take care of himself and doesnt need u 2 hold his hand. however, if he does, thats a whole new issue. tell him 2 go crying 2 his momma.

Answer 9

When you make a committment to become a parent, you automatically make the decision to put your children first. They are too young to make decisions for themselves. Your husband on the other hand, can and will make decisions for himself and he also made the decision to become a parent.

Now this answer is different if you are talking about whether you miss a soccer game for a teenage child or take a weekend trip with your husband. That decision is not putting either above the other. It is making a decision that is right for you.

So without knowing all the details, my answer is if the children are young, they come first. If the children are older teenagers and the situation is just involving a choice you have to make, then your relationship with your husband is just as important.

Answer 10

Mrs. Prude (or Mr. Dude as I think you are).....

Is right on with this one.

Its not about a beer or TV before food for the kids, what is meant is that you shoud NOT place the emotional needs of children as a higher priority than your spouse's (both husband and wife).

Many in our generation are guilty of this and the outcome is two-fold:

1) The child looses stability in their life because the PRIMARY relationship in the household is either strained, broken, or non-existent (divorce). Plus the child is set up to REPEAT these unhealthy relationships as adults because its what is modeled to them as acceptable behavoir as a child. They need to be taken care of, attended to, guided and reared - they do NOT need to be the center of the house on a continous basis.

This has become even more of an issue as family size has shrank - when kids had multiple siblings, they learned to share, play together, entertain themselves, and self-sooth. Nowadays, many parents (both moms and dads) rush to correct and take care of every situation often to the neglect and detriment of their primary relationship.

2) This leads to SPOILED BRATS and children who grow up thinking they are the center of the universe that cannot deal with the world when mommy and daddy are not around to "fix it" for them.

This is one of the most fundamental problems in American (western) society today and people MUST work to change it and the change begins at home. As I stated before, it happens from both the female and male side. However, mothers (especially new moms) tend to take this to extremes. I've seen relationships where the mother would rarely even let the husband feed, change, or hold the child - the father gets alienated in his own family, so he shy's away from the mother and child. Then the mother begins to resent the father because he "doesn't help out" with the kids enough.

Answer 11

The bible says once a woman is married she should put her husband above all things.
First God (or whatever higher being one chooses to believe in) and then her husband.
I say to each it's own.
I love my hubby and I do treat him as he should be treated I also adore my son and will do anything in the world for him. I treat them the same I just love my hubby as a wife should and could only love him and I love my son as a mother should and could only love her child.
I agree with the fact you need to prioritize it's not about who holds precedence if you are a family you will know what needs of the child hold precedence over the husband and vice versa.