my husband and i have been married 48 years, happy years i always thought?

Question

now he has been talking to his ex he dated 2 years in high school, he has been crying about her,i don`t know what to do..he will not talk to me about it.he is still inlove with her, i do not want to lose him, what do i do

Answer 1

If I were in your situation I would not say anything about the girlfriend but show understanding. Tell him that "MOST OF US HAVE A WAY OF GLAMORIZING PAST RELATIONSHIPS" and the lost loves can feel more perfect that they actually were. Then kiss him and tell him you love him.

Answer 2

Go to the salon and get a new hair style and new makeup.

Go to the mall and purchase more upscale, stylish clothes.

brush up your resume - you may need it.

Go back to school for a 2-year technical degree - you may need that too - the health care profession is crying for people right now.

Lose those 20 lbs that you've been saying you're going to lose.

Make new friends - don't depend on him any more.

When he sees you're changing and growing away from him, he may snap out of it. - or at least ask why - then you can discuss what's the thing with the Ex girlfriend of nearly 50 years ago.

He may just see that he's about to lose the best thing he ever had - and you might just see that you're better off without him.

I'm not trying to placate you - that's for sure. But since he won't talk about it - no amount of tears, pleas, nags, hissy-fits, or other actions on your part will pry him loose.

Since he won't change - you have to. And again, once you're out making your money yourself - and all that goes with it - you'll probably see you're much better off without him.

Answer 3

Ah, the poignancy of a lost first love... There is nothing you can do about it, she was always his first love, his first choice, and you were "second best" and always will be, I'm afraid. In a sense, you cannot lose what you never really had.

Now, what does she feel? Is she also still in love with him after all these years, was she ever in love with him? If the answer is no, then your husband is simply clinging to a memory from youth now that he is getting old and sees that he is significantly closer to his death than to his birth... In a sense, he is also crying over lost youth now that old-age is setting in and there's no going back.

Now, he does have a responsibility towards you, so if he leaves you for her, he will owe you a substantial alimony as you are not expected to be able to get a job at your age. At least, he wouldn't be leaving you for a young woman, if that's any consolation.

Good luck, I do hope it all works out and that is simply a momentary passage in your husband's life and grieving for his lost youth. :)

Answer 4

Just because he is talking to his ex date from so long ago does not mean in any way that he desires to loose you or his home with you.

You should be happy that he is telling you up front and being honest about it. He is not trying to hide this fact from you.

Now to answer your question much differently than most, and it is an educated answer...Let him see this woman, let him have his fling with her even if he wants to have sex with her let him. He thinks he still loves her because she is "forbidden" fruit. If you can honestly sit down with him and talk to him about it I believe you will not have to be concerned about loosing him. However, if you raise a fuss about it you could make him do something behind your back with her. You could then loose him and your marriage to him.

Men like to pursue and conquer! But when it is over they want to come home. That is the nature of a man, like it or not, that is how we are wired!

Below I am giving you a sight or two that may help explain it better...If you wish more information you can also get the book I will give you the address for but if you write to me I can send you a web site to get the book as an e-book for free.
Believe me you will not loose if you follow my information.

Answer 5

We all wonder at times "what might have been" with relationships. If he is not talking to you about it, then it may be more serious than you think. His ex could have a terminal illness or maybe she has come clean about something to him that might have made things different now. I think that you should just tell him that you don't know what is going on, but you love him and will be there to listen when he is ready to talk. It could be labeled as a midlife crisis, but it could be more than that. Be patient. Whenever it is the right time, then everything will be revealed. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 6

Sounds like he is in love with a feeling he had as a younger man. Unfortunately she is associated with this feeling. You can not prevent him leaving. First of all accept that or you will lose more than him if he leaves. All you can do is tell him that you love him and that you've loved him for 48 years plus. Tell him it will hurt you to see him leave but that you love him enough that you want to see him happy. Ask him to be honest with himself and really consider if he is chasing a memory or feeling from his past or if he just needs to spice up his current marriage. Let him also know that your heart will not be able to handle him seeing her and sharing his heart with her while he has promised to be faithfully yours. See where this takes you and remember God is the holder of your spirit and heart and he brings people for reasons and seasons and if He should send your husband on another journey trust that your next Journey is going to be hand in hand and closer to God than ever before.

Answer 7

Sounds like a late mid life crisis. U've been 2gether for 48 years-he's not going anywhere. If he wanted 2 still b w/ the x-he would've married her 48 years ago. I think ur marriage is solid.

Answer 8

you not kidding ,are you?
I'm sure this feels like a bad joke ,or a nightmare ,that you just going to wake up .
There's a say ,if you love something ,set it free ,if it doesn't come ,back ,was never yours in the first place.
I'm so sorry for your pain ,and your life from now on ,it's going to feel like just a big lie ,everything you said ,done to each other .
I hope I'm helping ,and not hurting more ,it's not my intentions ,but since I'm an outsider ,I'm trying to make you see all the pros and cons,and follow your heart ,but don't let him abuse you more ,if he continues this behavior .
I hope your husband loved you ,and not just used you ,because the other woman was taken .
stay strong ,it may be a Mid life crisis ,the other woman must been the one who broke his heart ,now she wants him back ,and he's not thinking straight .

Answer 9

After 48 years? He needs to check out the younger women. She is probably old.

Answer 10

You can't say stop talking to her or no you can't see her. That will only make him want her more and more and more. You need to try more harder to talk to him. 48 years is a long time. Your marraige must of been good until now. I would watch hime keep a good eye on him just incase he trys anything.