When Will My Mum Accept Me For Being Gay?

Question

Im from a European Family and my mum who i am close to does not accept me for being gay. She thinks its a disease. I am 24 and in a loving relationship with my bf and she wont acknowledge him at all. When we have gatherings with my friends she always says how my friend, who has a wife and child, is doing well for himself. Which of course is to take a jab at me. Does anyone else have a similar story out there and how long it took for their relative to accept it? Thanks So Much

See she thinks i can get help for this and stuff.. It Hurts and i can see it definately hurts my bf as well. He has been trying really hard to help me thru this and understand my mum's words but still they can hurt. She's seen him a couple of times but turns her head in the opposite Direction. It Must Hurt. I just hope she can come to terms because his family is so understanding and i want the same for me.

Answer 1

Hon, there's a good chance she never will.
Some just can't.
That is no reason to change or to give up on her. She's your mum and, though not accepting, still loves you and wants you in her life.
So there is hope.
Just keep living your life normally, and including her.
Good luck

Answer 2

To Mr. Pants: So you prefer the closeted, straight-acting gay person? You obviously have issues. Also, it's spelled "disgusting", which is a good word to describe your comments.

To the original poster: Sorry to hear about your situation. I would do either of two things:

1) Give your mom a bit of time to let in the fact that you're not going to change sink in -- maybe she'll change her mind

2) Your mom may not ever change her beliefs and if she is constantly making you feel bad about who you are, then maybe it's best not to talk her about things.

With me, being gay has been, and always will be, a taboo issue that we don't discuss. And when it does come around, my mom tells me I'm sick, but I know I'm not, and her intolerance the true sickness. (Being gay and Asian is a complete paradox...)

Good luck with everything and I hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

sorry you are going through this. I am actually in a similar situation as you. I have tried talking to her, and nothing has worked, she is very heavily religious and sees me as evil and sinning, and she would be a a hypocrit if she accepted me Anyway. What i am in the process of doing, is distancing myself from my family, untill they realize that if the behavior doesnt change, then a relationship between her and i can't exist. It sucks to do it, but ive tried everything else, and the relationship between her and i is not healthy, and my partner cant stand it either, so this is my last effort. I hope it wont take long, but its the last thing i can think of. So, option 1...talk to her, tell her how you feel, how it hurts you, and how you want a relationship with her, but cant under present conditions, and offer to HELP her learn and be more accepting. Step 2...if shes not willing to change her behavior, distance yourself from her untill she realizes she has lost you, and hopefully she will come around from that...

Answer 4

Wow... It's difficult to say when she will accept your sexuality or even if she will, but know that she will always love you, no matter how much it seems she doesn't. I had a friend in high school who had a girlfriend his freshman year and his mother was overjoyed. But he knew he was gay and became involved in different groups and causes and he finally met someone. His mother always pretended that he wasn't gay, although everyone knew he was. She would always ask if he was bringing his girlfriend to a family picnic or if there were any girls in his life. One night, probably our senior year, she was up when he came home from a date. She asked him, "When are you going to introduce me to your boyfriends?" He called me crying. She had finally accepted, but only because she knew that it hurt him for her to not be a part of his life.
I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone comes around in their own time.

Answer 5

There is a big difference between accepting you and accepting the homosexual lifestyle. I realize that in your opinion they are one in the same but to people who don't agree with the gay world, they are distinct.

Folks who disagree with a gay lifestyle sometimes think that if they show love for their friend, son, aunt, uncle, daughter, parent, who has come out...this means they are condoning being gay.

Have you explained this to your mom and told her that you know she doesn't like you're being gay and that "it's ok" for her to love you without accepting your lifestyle? This may allow her to let her guard down and stop fighting reality. Don't force her to accept it. Just as you shouldn't change for her, she doesn't have to accept it. What she has to do, is just love you as her son.

I have a story for you. My aunt told our family she was gay after many years of us all "figuring it out anyway". To the most dissenting of our family she said basically, "It's ok if you don't like that I'm gay. Just love who I am as a person. I'll accept that you don't like homosexuality, and you can accept that I'm the same person I was when I sat on your knee "x" years ago."

The point was made. The person she spoke to never accepted her homosexuality until the day he died. But he loved her with all his heart. We all knew it and so did she.

Allow your mom to separate the two. Accept her non-acceptance and work on your relationship as mother and son.

Take care

Answer 6

I think may be she will accept u once she gets use to it. may be u should try to get her use to it like talk about ur boyfriend lot like for example , ________has a job or my boyfriend has a job. did u see my boyfriends cd he needs it for his car. every time she takes a jab at u talk about ur boyfriend.

I don't know if this would actual help or make it worst but i figured that if u don't talk about him ur mum might feel like shes wining as in she has changed u or some thing.Its kinda like when u don't pick up for ur self.
ur 24 u know u could just move out if she dosnt accept u after a while.

Answer 7

Give her time, she will start missing her son and hopefully come around. You have to put yourself in her shoes you know it's not hard for a mother (I am assuming that being Gay is a big Taboo in your family) to learn and to except that her son is gay is not hard.

Please don't let her ways hurt you and bring you down. Just make sure you show her that you will always be there for her and pray that she will change her ways.

Answer 8

I hope that someday your mom can accept you. I totally understand how difficult it is.. my moms partners parents (hopefully that makes sense!) had a really hard time accepting that their daughter was gay.. they used to always introduce my mom and me as her friend and her friends daughter.. and that always really hurt me because I felt like an outcast... but in the past few years they have actually started to introduce me as their grandchild, which is really amazing especially since my mom and her partner have been together for 17 years.
I really hope your mom can accept you for who you are, but unfortunately you need to be patient.. hang in there

Answer 9

because of the fact your mom is Catholic, she is likely battling between her faith and her committment to her daughter. God is clearly going to be an indispensable area of your Mum's existence and He did criticise homosexuality. yet she might desire to undergo in techniques that your sister is her daughter and he or she has a accountability to guard her no rely how old she is. i'm in little doubt your Mum adores your sister thoroughly, yet is puzzled approximately the thank you to handle her and does not pick to offend God by utilizing accepting her. Has she given any clarification why she has suggested as her daughter a lot of offensive issues? Is it because of the fact she is Catholic, or merely homophobic? in the journey that your sister can refer to her approximately how she feels, i'm particular your Mum are able to experience like she would manage to come again around. in spite of occurs however, your sister shouldn't finally experience like she has to delight your Mum - it fairly is her very own existence, and he or she might desire to steer it the way she needs to :) stable success.

Answer 10

No one can tell you when or IF your mother will ever accept your sexual preference. That is soley up to her and should she never come around then she never will. You shouldn't live your life based on anyones acceptance of who you are and how you choose to live. Your life is yours and your mothers is hers. Let it go. Pushing won't help matters at all.