I'm ready to break my friendship because he's starting to smoke weed. Is it wrong of me?

Question

I've read both sides, I've heard his side, but I just can't accept it. He just started a week ago, he wants to do it again, and he told me he was planning on doing it more and more often. I got into this huge argument with him, he kept telling me that it wasn't that detrimental to his health and then turned the table and asked if he was worth my worries. I'm just scared for him, and I have personal issues with smoking, he knows that too. I pretty much gave him a choice of weed or me. Is it wrong of me,am I really that irrational?But this isn't the first time I've told him something bothers me and he didn't stop. I really REALLY don't want to lose him, but I don't know if I can take it if I know he's doing it, and part of me now thinks that if he can do it, knowing I'm worried, then I don't know if I can be with him at all. He told me the other night he would rather talk to me and be with me than smoke, that this wasn't a big part of his life, but he took it back the day after.Help

Answer 1

I, unfortunately, had this problem with a few friends at various points in my life. I didn't just stop being friends, but in a couple of cases, we just grew apart because of lifestyle differences that included the weed .
On the other hand, I still have a friend who smokes weed and I enjoy her company.

Only you can tell if the friendship is worth it. If you still like hanging out with this guy...then why not stay friends. ..especially if he isn't trying to push his nasty little habit on you.

If you find that the weed dulls his brain and you just can't stand him anymore...then you won't be losing out too much.

Answer 2

There is a lot of stuff to cover in here....

1. You need to realize that it is ok to cut people out of your life whenever you want. If you are at a point where you think this guy is rebelling against what you are asking for and is merely interested in seeking a good high, than caring for you and your judgement, I can think of nothing easier than telling him off.

2. But, if you feel like you need him and can't lose him. Then you need to talk with someone about your self confidence and whatever the underlying problem is with you excepting such a person who doesn't have your best interest in mind all the time. Friendship is about about compassion and honesty.

3. This guy seems like he might be starting to try and play you with the "yes one day", "no the next" sceme. This is him trying to give you what you want to hear so that he can continue to do what you don't want him to and still keep you around/confused. Again, it doesn't sound like he gives a crap about your friendship anymore.

4. Whatever your problems are with smoking, you need to let those go to. I'm not saying smoking is right, nor am I saying you should or others should, I'm saying that life is too short for you to carry a burden of something that happened in the past that you can no longer control/probobly couldn't then.

Be kind to yourself and remember that your feelings are very important. Find a real friendship that you can keep a lifetime. This is the only life you get.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

You could have expressed your feelings about him doing that without making an ultimateum to chose between that or you. People don't live their lives according to what bothers you or not. It's not that big of a deal to chose you over the item in question but realize that by making an ultimateum in the first place you likely ended the relationship right there. People don't like being told what to do, and your presumption and subsequent ultimateum made you seem not only irrational but also displayed just how much or rather how little the relationship means to you to drop it on a whim. You are not always going to agree with your friend's decisions the best thing you can do is let them know your opinion on the matter but realize it's their life to live and their mistakes to make. True friendship doesn't require having the exact same hobbies or being exactly alike, it's about respecting the differences because it's sometimes those differences that attracted you to the person in the first place.

Lastly to all those people who said "Stand up for what you believe in" They are right but for all of the wrong reasons. You are entitled to believe what you want and to shout it from the mountains though realize it's different saying Stand up for what you believe in when talking about another person. Anyone that presumes they know what's best for another individual has no idea the complexity nor the life experiences that they've had to that point, basically who are you to tell another person how to run their lives? You can say you don't want to be part of it but get off your high horse.

Answer 4

No, it is not wrong of you. You need to watch out for yourself. The fact is that YOU could get in big trouble if he is ever caught with weed while he is with you. The fact is that YOU could suffer health problems being around him when he does it. The fact that he refuses to respect your feelings doesn't bode well for the friendship anyway. He is not being a good friend, so it is probably HIS loss, not yours.

That said, I have been friends with people who smoked pot. They were kind enough not to do it when I was around, and that was that. I figured it was none of my business. They knew what they were getting into. So if you value the friendship enough and trust him to follow through, perhaps you can compromise. Let him do what he wants, so long as he never, ever does it anywhere near you. That said, you are well within your rights to refuse and end the friendship.

All that said, if you are under 18 and are really worried, you might consider telling his parents or a teacher. It might effectively end your friendship, but you'd be doing him a favor in the long run. It is not a good habit to start. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you see it's effecting your grades or making you get into issues with your parents, then you should slow down or quit. But if it's not effecting you just making you feel good in your free time then do what you want. Everybody in highschool has friends that smoke weed, or know tons of people that do. All my friends smoked weed, all the hot girls too but only at partys, its just highschool man enjoy it. I've never really been into myself. Do what you like as long as its not effecting you in bad ways.

Answer 6

Yeah,

That is a good sign that this guy is in love with the relationship between him and his weed.
He rather have that than you as a friend.

Move on, for he has chosen his weapon of choice.
He is about to embark on the quickest thrill ride he has every experienced and right when he thinks he is heading up, he is instead going to find himself slamming to the ground about 6 ft under.

This weed is an introduction course into the harder stuff.
It will not have the effect that he is looking for later on and he will then move to more potent drugs for that thrill.
Then he will have to steal from others to keep the habit going in order just to make it through the day. That is only the begining of his future,for he will start looking thin, acne faced,homely,dirty and find himself if he is still alive having to give b--w j--s for money to keep the habit.

Don't let those individuals kid you that weed is harmless. For it has ruinned many lives.

Move on.. Move on...Move on..........You need a healthier life and positive future ahead of you. Get out while you can!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Well, I think it is wrong to decide that someone is unworthy of your friendship based on their mistakes. I think you should keep being honest with him, tell him that he is worth your worries. Weed is serious, and it will be more than bad for his health. He runs the risk of getting into trouble with the law, and getting introduced into other drugs and the lifestyles that tend to go hand-in-hand with drug use. That is bad. A good friend wouldn't just do nothing while another friend falls into a pit. If he disagrees with your stance on wisdom, he may regret it later, but the best advice i can give you on this, is dont be afraid to be confrontational, if thats what it takes to keep him from hurting himself. And be honest. I don't think you have to say "i'll never associate with you again if you do this" but at the same time, that might just naturally happen. If he still resists your attempts to get him back, then hes made a choice, and you will probably (from what it sounds like) grow apart naturally.

Answer 8

Friends don't leave and just stop being friends. That does not mean that you have to hang out with him, go see him or allow him over at your house. It is very simple, tell him that as long as he chooses to smoke weed, you do not want anything to do with him. Take a picture of him and how good he looks now. When he asks why, just tell him you want to remember him and what he used to be like, because if he gets into smoking weed and stuff like that, in a year or two, he will not look anything the same. Then you can take another picture of him and let him see them side by side the difference and ask him then if he thinks it is not that detrimental.

Answer 9

Love (even through friendship) should be unconditional. If he has to change his behavior to have your love in friendship, then you have no friendship. It's that simple.

Marijuana is not physically addictive. There is no such thing as overdosing on THC, the chemical in marijuana that creates the 'high' feeling. The only risks involved with smoking marijuana are all the legal issues...getting caught, fined, jailed, etc. For the casual user (i don't know what state your friend is in...but presuming he doesn't grow any and he isn't selling/distributing any), the legal repercussions are usually misdemeanors, small fines for the first couple times of getting caught.

I, personally, do not smoke...it doesn't affect everyone the same, and I don't like how it affects me. But I have ten relatives who smoke, and numerous friends who smoke... three are Registered Nurses, four are Teachers, two are Investment Bankers...many of them are business professionals, some of them self-employed and doing very well for themselves. You really *don't* have anything to worry about.

If you can't get over his drug usage, you could *try* to compromise with him...you don't want to see him get high or be in his presence when he's high...and you don't want him to have anything in his pocket or car when you're with him. Maybe he'd be willing to play by those rules, maybe not, but you could try.

Otherwise, bid him farewell.

Answer 10

weed for most people is just a thing on the side, i wouldn't give him an ultamatum. its his life he can do what he chooses. i would think about why it bothers you so much he smokes (rationally) and are your convictions worth ending the friendship. if you are worried about his health, your worries may be unfounded. the negative health effects of weed are small and do not include cancer or brain damage (note the government says it contains carcingogens, not "causes cancer", because there are no conclusive cases)

unless, he abuses it and makes it his entire life, worrying for him is worthless. i would try to work it over in your head and get over your fears, not everyone turns into a couch potatoe after smoking a joint