If your best friend or sister is ttc but has had several miscarriages?

Question

and you become pregnant ( accidentally) what is the best way to tell her that you are pregnant. I know that she will probaly smile and say how happy she is, then go home and cry for days ( that's what she did when another friend got pregnant)
She will find out eventually, so how do you handle this situation?
What would you do?

Answer 1

The day after I had a miscarriage was the day that a friend of mine actually had her baby. I was extremely upset in the first place, and I was jealous of her. However, I WAS (and still am) truly happy for her. Your friend will probably be jealous (that would be normal), but if she is your friend, she WILL be happy for you.

Make sure it's YOU who tells her, but don't tell her and hope that she'll be happy and won't go home and cry. You already know that's going to happen. Instead, perhaps you should let her cry to you. Explain to her that you know that it's hard on her seeing her friend's get pregnant when she's tried so hard. Let her know that you will be there for her, and ask her to be there for you.

I've heard of stories like this in which a few years down the road, the woman in your situation ends up being a surrogate mother for a friend like yours.

We all know that pregnant women can more than often be the center of attention. Try to keep the baby talk to a minimum for right now while around her. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear too much of it. Go out to eat together, shopping, or whatever activities that have nothing to do with babies. Let her know that no matter if you are a mother or not, you'll always be her friend.

Whatever you do, don't get upset with her (i'm not saying that you will). If she happens to avoid you for awhile, she probably just needs some time. Remember, you've never walked in her shoes before, so you have no idea what she's going through. Just be there for her.

To Add - I wholeheartedly agree with CMP: "The longing for a baby is what hurts. Not the fact that you are pregnant." ... So true.

Answer 2

this is a hard situation, i have 2 really good friends that had been ttc for years, and then i got pregnant the first time we tried, i didn't know what to say or when to say it. but of course i eventually did, it was hard, and they did exactly what you sd, smile and say how happy they were for me, and went home and cried their eyes out. I stayed pretty close to one of my friends, even though it was kinda hard. and the other unfortunately it was a little too much for her to handle, but now that my daughter is 3 we are close again. just try to understand where she is coming from, and be honest with her, tell her how much you appreciate her, tell her exactly how you feel, all your worries,and that you hope this doesn't affect your relationship.
really its all you can do and just wait and see how everything turns out. hope it all goes well for ya.

Answer 3

I have had a few m/c myself. She will be happy for you. But at the same time it will hurt her. The longing for a baby is what hurts. Not the fact that you are pregnant.

Just tell her as you would anyone else. And make sure you let her know you understand her feelings.

Good luck I wish you and your friend the best

Answer 4

all of my friends are having trouble conceiving except for me and one other friend...she stopped showing up for ladies nite after her third kid (she's the only mother among us with more than one) and i feel uncomfortable around them too....we both EASILY have children and one of our friends had a stillborn, the other is on fertility drugs....it IS uncomfortable....i just announce the pregnancy, be sure to invite everyone to the shower and/or hospital and try not to discuss it in detail with them unless they ask. and i don't brag about my kid or my pregnancy around them cause i feel it would make them feel bad....

i have no idea what else to do either. i'm buying preg tests for 'accident' number two and they are still ttc...life is unfair....

-hbb