why do i feel like i can never be myself and feel comfortable with who i am and assertive about it?

Question

i feel like i can never think clearly because im worried about how i'll look if i do something embarrassing. i hold myself back from things and am afraid to express myself and im trying to change but im so focused on pleasing my parents and friends and causing as little trouble as i can i basically just try and stay out of everyones way and do my own thing that is just boring and routine, help help

Answer 1

Oh Hannah... I'm so sorry to hear that you feel this way.

I think everybody feels the way that you feel from time to time, but this definitely sounds like the kind of depressive hopelessness that goes beyond the norm.

You really might benefit from sitting down with a therapist or counselor but short of that, here are a few general suggestions that might help improve your outlook on things:

* As totally cheesy as this may seem, repeat positive affirmations to yourself throughout the day & on a regular basis. "I am a good person." "I'm confident & secure." "I'm worthy of being loved" etc. Make up the affirmations to address your particular concerns but repeat them over and over and over until it becomes a droning mantra in your head.

* Exercise like a maniac. When I have hit waves of depression, I get really focused on working out all the time. Exercise works wonders on stress & depression because of all the endorphins it produces AND you start to look better and (physically) feel better.

* Talk to your friends. It doesn't have to be about these particular issues, but just interacting with your peers makes one feel less isolated.

I wish you all the best. Feel free to IM or email me if you need any further assistance. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 2

I hold the belief that tough love is the best kind... so...

Perhaps you are way to concerned about what others are thinking to be assertive. You don't hold your identity because you are far too focused on what others will think, do or say and therefore have a hard time figuring out who you are.

You need to resolve in the fact that you are your own person and have to live with your own issues. The consequences of all of your actions will rest on you. Whether or not your family or friends will approve or judge you shouldn't matter because you should do whats right and fits into what you want to do. If your "friends" cant appreciate that, they aren't your friends. If your paren'ts have an issue, then its because they are holding you to an unfair and unattainable standard. They may be disappointed that you arent doing or BEING who they want, but they should rest assured that you are your own person and may one day come around.

All of the best things are worth sacrificing things for. If the decision is tough to make, it will be easier in the long run. Stay clear of easy decision; they could be difficult to live with in the long run.

good luck.

Answer 3

Thinking is a great obstacle. I used to be shy. I now can get up in front of a few hundred people and give presentations. The more you worry the less you will achieve.

Worry is a type of thinking that is destructive.

Embarrassment is the inability to tolerate difference. It is the caring too much of what others will think or do. Some people like me. Some don't who cares? Some people are nice. Some people are mean. Oh well, who cares?

Embarrassment (being self-aware or self-conscious) is to think and to compare the self to others. Try not thinking or thinking about something else.

It works wonders.

Answer 4

That is exactly how I am. You just really have to push yourself. Take baby steps towards improvement. I did something nobody ever imagined I would do. I decided to join my church youth groups praise band. I had wanted to do but had been holding myself back for so long. One day, I just decided to tell the leader that I was going to do. Ever since then, I've seriously had peace of mind. I almost feel like a new person. Obviously there are still things I am afraid to do and emotions and what not that I am afraid to show, but like I said, you just have to take it slowly.

Answer 5

I was uncomfortable with myself when I was younger.This might sound goofy,but you start to relax when you come to realize just how little people are paying attention to details.Every move you make is NOT being analized and thought about,people arent concerning themselves with it.As far as expressing yourself,there's lots of ways to do it.Just find one you like .Good luck.

Answer 6

Read something like Ayn Rand's "Anthem" or some individualist work. They really reassure you that just because you don't want to do something doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Answer 7

go to therapy. it's not for nuts people and it can really help you sort all of that out.

Answer 8

Here--read this-it should "cure" your "problem"--http://www.ajna.com/articles/osho/ego_the_false_center.php :))