How do I leave or get what I want- a marriage proposal?

Question

My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost one year now, we share a daughter who is also almost one year. I was against cohabitation but due to suprise pregnancy I figured that it was more important that my child have both her parents in the same household. We spoke of marriage when I found out, but everytime he says he's not ready and puts off any conversation about it. Now, I am a smart woman and I have a great deal of respect for myself. In my opinion, I think I should take him at his word- no matter how much he claims he loves me he just doesn't want to marry me-yet? Well, I'm tired of everyone asking me when we are getting married and he has that stupid look on his face like don't go there. I am a pretty smoking catch if I do say so myself. SO, I know if I don't get a proposal by the year's end or sooner I am going to move out. My only hesitation is my daughter. She LOVES her Dad and I love the whole family thing we've got going. Am I hurting her more if I leave?

We are definetly in love with each other. I don't want a ring just for the sake of it. I love this man and would like a solid, public commitment. And for any future references to my smokin hotness- yes I definitely am! I am not with anyone else because I want this man in my life. He is a great supporter to both myself and my beautiful daughter but I don't want to sell myself short either. And I didn't "just open my legs", I am not promiscuous- our sex was an act of love and my child is a result of this love. Thanks for the insight, especially to women who've been in my shoes and men with honest perspectives.

Answer 1

You have to give him an ultimatum. Do it for your daughter. Is she going to let a guy treat her like that??? She is going to follow your example.

Answer 2

An extremely tough question. If you were already married and assuming there is no abuse, I'd say stay put; work it out in therapy, etc. Experts disagree as to whether it's better or worse for children when their parents divorce. Being from a divorced home (I'm 40 now), I'd say stay, stay, stay. But....you are NOT married yet and your boyfriend is avoiding making this emotional, public, and legal commitment. So, there are some problems there, definitely. I'd encourage the two of you to still seek counseling from a RELIABLE psychologist. Word-of-mouth is probably the best way to choose the reliability as marriage therapist's spectrum of methods vary as wide as the sky. The Gottman Institute is a great place to start if therapy expenses are out of the question; or, ask your therapist what she knows about Gottman. If they don't know what you are talking about, RUN! Best wishes to your daughter and you.

Answer 3

Ask yourself does he love you? Does he take care of his responsibilities as a the man of the house and as a father? Do you love him? Your family needs to be # 1 and if there is real love there then give it some more time till he does feel ready. It sounds like you have a good thing going and you two have a child together so give it a rest for now. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side.

Answer 4

You can't stay together because of your daughter. She is only 2 and will adjust. If you aren't happy, how do expect your daughter to be happy? It all comes down to making yourself happy and being content with what you have and have to offer. If what you have to offer isn't good enough for you boyfriend, then maybe it's time to give him an ultimatum. If that doesn't work than maybe it wasn't meant to be. You have goals and needs and when two people aren't moving towards the same goals it is extremely difficult to cohabitate. Your daughter might go through some withdrawl but as long as you are able to allow her father to continue to see her, it shouldn't be a problem. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

This is such a common story on here. He's free. Why would he want to give that up? He's getting plenty of sex from a pretty smokin' catch like you. Having sex used to be a reason men got married. These days, it's not necessary. Women will spread their legs at the drop of a hat and will shack up without a second thought. ...Look, if it were me I'd marry you. I would have married you when you got pregnant. But I'm old school. Young men these days don't think like that. They are self-centered and the feminists have contributed to making them this way. To young men these days women are the enemy. They don't have a sense of responsibility for taking care of their women anymore. I'm not sure what the answer is to your situation....sorry.

Answer 6

Leave now, why wait. You are only playing house right now. You are not married, so this is only a fake family thing you have now. Your daughter is only one, so the faster you move on, the better it will be for her. The longer you wait the more attached she will get to him. If she is going to loose her dad, it's better to loose him now. Let him know that it's either marriage or the road. If he decides to go, then we will see what kind of man he is. Will he still want to be a part of his daughter's life, of will he just run off and disappear. Wish you luck..

Answer 7

Honestly, it sounds like you been listening to too much Oprah. You're in a committed relationship with a man you love... with a man your child loves... Why would you need to have it sanctified by some church or government organization?
Leave it alone, darling. Go in peace and live your life in love. If anyone asks you again about marriage, tell them that your spirits are married, even if the government doesn't say so.

Answer 8

Some people never get married, yet live together happily most of their lives. If everything else is good, why push him- ultimatums can destroy the best of relationships. I would let him know that it is important to you and you do expect him to get over his fears in a reasonable amount of time though.

Personally, I would rather a child have a complete family (even if it isn't signed and sealed) than grow up without one parent.

Answer 9

Your daughter will get over it, and moving out doesn't mean she won't see him anymore...just less or under different conditions (not living together).

You need to do what is right for you, and in the long run that will be best for your child. Kids are very perceptive...she'll pick up on your dissatisfaction even if she doesn't know why. Better, if things aren't great at home, to go your separate ways and each be happy, than stay together and be dissatisfied or worse.

Answer 10

Sadly I think a lot of us find ourselves in this situation. Now you just have to ask yourself which is more important to you...marriage, or having THIS man because you may not be able to have both. I know this is a very difficult decision because I am trying to make the same one. Good luck with everything. If you decide to leave, your daughter will be fine. Kids heal much quicker than adults.

Answer 11

Your first mistake was getting pregnant. Your second mistake was placing yourself in a live-in situation with a non-committed male. Your third mistake will be giving a non-committed male more time. What's with this end of year. If he's not ready now, he'll never be ready. So, take that hot little body of yours and go get yourself someone who will be doing back flips over you and will be begging you for your hand! December is too long! Get that pretty face and body on-line now!