He told me he's not as attracted to me two weeks before the wedding....?

Question

My fiance (we are getting married in two weeks) told me the other night that he is not as attracted to me since I gained weight (about 80 pounds) in the last 5 years of our relationship. He told me he still loves me and knows that if I lose some weight he will be more attracted to me and he feels that our relationship will be better because I will be more confident in myself. He says that he will stay with me even if I don't lose any weight because he loves me, he just wanted to tell me that before we get married in two weeks. What are your feelings on this?

I'm 23 and he's 25. We were making love at least every other day trying for a baby.

Answer 1

He's being honest. If he had second thoughts about your relationship then you wouldn't be getting married.

I don't think you should stop and think for a second that he's being mean or anything, to be honest, you're lucky you've got someone who can be so honest with you! Who doesn't want that!?

It's sort of an awkward thing to say I agree, but maybe he just feels like he shouldn't hold anything back, especially if you're getting married. It's your body and your choice what to do with it, and he's not threatening that. So why should it be a problem for you?

Answer 2

Wow. As a larger woman (in need of losing some weight), I'm offended by his comment! A lot of people seem to be advising that you not marry him. Only you know the true nature and depth and security of your relationship with this guy. He could very well care about you and just wanted to be honest. HOWEVER, it's one thing to point out that maybe you should lose a few pounds and suggest working out together or something like that. It's a whole different thing to just say he's not attracted anymore BECAUSE you gained weight. Furthermore, the pounds weren't added overnight! So why would he wait so long to say something to you about it if it was a problem? You're going to have to do some serious assessments of your relationship. Don't marry him if you're in any way insecure about things. If you truly love him and believe that he feels the same about you, go ahead. Just do what's right for YOU. Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 3

It's sad for the both of you. Sad for him in that he couldn't offer to help you with your weight problem, like suggesting a gym class together as a couple. But frankly, we men are more physical in our attraction, looking at the body first, then the mind and heart. Just the way men are. It's also sad for you, not only in that it's so close to your wedding that he should have said something long ago, but also that, with an 80 pound weight gain, in his eyes you are not the same lovely girl (on the outside) that he fell in love with. But, maybe, you have also changed on the inside. Honestly, if you've gained that much weight in such a short time, it sounds like you've given up on yourself. Like you're just "letting yourself go" now that you have a man who will marry you. And, if that's the case, well, that's simply not attractive. It indicates to a potential mate that you don't care about your own health. Just because you have a man in place doesn't mean you can just ignore the things in you that a man finds attractive.
I wish you both well, but it sounds like there's a much deeper health issue here. If your man was hoping that you two would be able to go out and do activities together, imagine how he must feel now, if you can't because of your weight. He probably wanted a partner to walk through a healthy life with, not an overweight invalid he's going to have to nurse through obesity.

Answer 4

Maybe he can't get over the guilt of looking at you and knowing the damage he caused you. I personally don't know that I could get over the fact that someone gave me an STD, or that I gave someone an STD. If you have truly forgiven him then tell him that and help him understand that you don't blame him and you forgive him. Maybe sex with him is never going to be frequent. You knew that he was this way and you married him anyway. I guess the question is,"Did you marry him because you love him for all of who he is and can become, or did you marry him for a roll in the hay?" It seems that ppl can get a roll in the hay without marriage these days, so if that was your reason maybe you shouldn't have gotten married. If you love him, then you know from the beginning that there won't be an abundance of sex in your marriage. Nurture your love in other ways. Learn and grow together and become each others best freinds and when there is sex it will be truly spectacular. GL

Answer 5

First off, let me congratulate you on your wedding. Although it might seem a bit harsh of your fiance, be glad he had the courage to be so honest with you. The truth of the matter is 80 lbs. of weight gain does not go unnoticed, and the fact that he told you himself that he still loves you and wants to marry you goes to show that physical appearances aren't everything for him. The only downside is the possibility of him finding someone else "attractive". My suggestion - think about your wedding night and how beautiful you should feel. If you don't think he can make you feel like the sexiest woman to ever grace the Earth, then you should ask yourself why you are settling for less than what you deserve.

Answer 6

You say you gained 80 pounds in the last 5 yrs. Why? You consistently gained about 16 pounds a yr when you should have been maintaining your weight. That's a little problem I guess for your fiance and I can understand him. The responsible caring part is that he still loves you and wants to be with you. The only reason there is a problem is because he loves you wants you to be healthy. Truthfully you should work on loosing the weight, but do it not only for your fiance but yourself as well.

Answer 7

It sounds like he is trying to be honest with you, however, there are lighter ways of putting things. He should have been more conciderate to your feelings. What does he expect when he gets you pregnant? You surely aren't going to lose any weight that way! I would hold off on the marriage and see if he is really the one for you. Also, do not bring any babies into this world until all of this is settled! Maybe you are with him because of your low self esteem. Lose some weight for YOU and then see how you feel. You may want to find someone better than him! I definetly would NOT rush into marriage though!

Answer 8

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I respect him for telling you the truth. If you go on to marry him you will do so knowing how he feels. I understand how he feels as well. My spouse has gained about the same amount of weight since we were married and I honestly no longer feel any physical attraction to him. He also snores now and seems somewhat depressed and has health issues such as borderline diabetes and high blood pressure and cholesterol. I realize he is still the same good person I fell in love with but it is hard when he no longer resembles the man I loved.

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry about it. As a woman, I would take it very personal as well but think about a man's perspective - Men don't get hurt as easily as women therefore they don't realize how sensitive we really are. He's a true man to be honest with you. I'm sure he didn't intend to make it hurt you. I saw where some people told you to kick him to the curb and "what do you think is next if he says that now"...don't kick him to the curb. You know what that will tell him? It will tell him that you don't want him to be honest with you! Since it does bother you however, you should discuss that with him and let him know that it bothers you that he would say that but also (even if you don't want to) give him the credit for being honest, that goes to a man's heart to know that you realize he respects you and that you appreciate his honesty.
He loves you girl, he's still marrying you! That's a huge lifetime commitment, he does love you for who you are because he is taking that step with you.
Have a great wedding, smile & laugh a lot, and good luck with conceiving : )

Answer 10

You certainly shouldn't get married then. CALL OFF THE WEDDING. If what he said before you were married was cruel, it only gets worse when he feels he's stuck with you after the fact. If you do get married, he'll be bitter, abusive and keep trying to control you to make you lose weight.

Update: trying to make a baby already? you're not married yet! You should see how living together and being married works out for at least a few years before going right ahead and getting a kid... they're not like puppies you know!