How do you distinguish between someone who is gay, and someone just acting gay?

Question

After reading these posts, it's easy to conclude:

You were born gay, it's not a choice.
If you have gay thoughts, then you're gay.
If you have sex with someone of the same gender, that's proof that you're gay.
If you have sex with someone of the same gender, you are not be gay if you're just doing the actions.
People can't change once they are gay, if they leave the lifestyle, then they are bi, lying to themselves, or just doing the actions.
If you are gay, then you have to tell everyone that you're having sex with others of the same gender.

So in the end, how do you know if someone is really gay, or going through the motions? How do you separate real gay people from the posers? Is there a test?

Answer 1

Equate being gay to any other gang or political group. The mentality isn't any different.

Answer 2

Honestly, it is not up to you to determine another person's sexuality, its a self-defined term. That being said, you can speculate as much as you want. Also remember that sexuality is a spectrum....Very few of us are 100% either way. If somebody is gay, it only matters if one of the parties involved is interested. However, I have EXCELLENT gaydar and that is something half biology and half learned. Stereotypes can be harmful but damnit, theres a reason why they exist. Also, if you are both dudes and you make eye contact more than like three times as with straight people, its probably some kind of interest. Use your instincts....some of us are OBVIOUS and some arent. Posers will be rooted out after a time so do not worry about them. NEVER under any circumstances ask a person if they are gay. Let them reveal that to you regardless if they are the epitome of gayness.

Answer 3

*sigh*

Yes, you are born with your sexual preference.

I do not believe that you prove anything by acts - although there are people who will argue that the fact that I forced myself, once, at 15, to have sex with a girl - even though it made me physically ill, makes me straight --- I have news, I was gay before I did it (I knew by age 8 that I preferred boys, understood it was sexual by 11 and had already had my first boyfriend a year when "worried" straight friends talked me into trying a girl because they thought it would "make me straight.") I was gay after I did it, and yes, although I did it, I was gay WHILE I did it.

The same thing goes for straight males who have sex with other guys for fun. I had straight friends who liked me to s**k them off regularly when we were young. All of them were and are straight.

Acts just don't matter. Preference matters.

No one leaves being gay, anymore than anyone enters it. One is what one is. People who were always bi make choices as to which gender to ACT with, but they continue to feel for both genders -- always. As for "lifestyle" -- it isn't a lifestyle to start with. It's a part of what you are that those on the Right that won't accept gay people as just people force into the idea of a lifestyle, because then they are more comfortable being bigoted.

No one has to tell anyone anything -- however, stop and think about it. Would you want to have to hide your g/f (I presume you are male - reverse that if you are not)? Would you want to have to pretend you didn't love her? Would you be comfortable not ever being able to show affection to her in public? Would you be comfortable if you knew that if you held hands with her people would be all "Oh, you are shoving your relationship in my face?" I would bet that you would not be. (Now, go ahead and respond with the most asinine and bigoted response I can think of -- something like "but I'm normal." thus proving your actual agenda, although your use of the word lifestyle already did that btw).

In closing, no there is no way to tell the gays from the posers anymore than there is to tell the straights from the posers. According to a recent Columbia Presbyterian/NYC study, as reported in the "Annals of Internal Medicine;" only about 1/3rd of gay men self identify as gay. The other 2/3rds routinely have sex exclusively with other men, but call themselves straight -- we called that being closeted in my day. Based on it I think you will have a lot more problem telling the poser straights than you will telling the poser gays.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
[e-mail]

Answer 4

How do you tell?
You ask them. Anything else is rumor, speculation or bigotry.

You once again fail to distinguish between orientation and behavior. Prison sex doesn't "convert" anyone to LGBT who wasn't already LGBT. Some people also experiment with both genders sexually before realizing their true orientation.

Frankly, I don't know why anyone would want to act LGBT, and have to deal with ignorant hypocritical bigots for no reason.

I don't rely on any one individual's opinion regarding orientation being inborn, not a "choice," and unchangeable. I rely on the tens of thousands of scientists in the AMA and APA.

Answer 5

I didn't realize we had a gay poser problem. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. Gay is gay. Acting gay is gay. I have never heard of a straight guy that is willing to "go through the motions" to fool someone. Here let me put my penis in your as$ so that I may pretend to be gay! What?

Answer 6

Being gay is not completely accepted by society, so therefore I don't understand the benefits of someone who is not gay "acting gay." I don't think a straight person would gain anything by "acting gay."

Answer 7

There is no real test, even a bed test can be faked.

Of course the answer is unless you are interested in dating said "Gay" individual why would it matter one way or the other?

Answer 8

considering so many haters, I would not think there are alot of people acting gay. who would want to put up with the continuing hatred spewing from bigots.

there is no way to know for sure. just as there is no way for you to know if your girlfriend or wife is really a closeted lesbian.

Answer 9

well some times is hard to know if they are acting cuz they know some guy that are gay and they know how they act and they do it bout some times guys act to hard to be gay that u know that they are gay u know what i saying

Answer 10

Acting gay- watchinig will and grace, drinking martinis
Someone who is gay- they are physically banging another man in the arce!