What can I do about my crazy mom?

Question

Ok if you have read my previous question than you know why I called her crazy. She and my Dad are divorced (she wanted the divorce cuz she was having an affair at work), yadda yadda yadda. It's a long story. Ok so anyways, they are divorced but my Dad keeps taking her back, it's like he's rather be w/ someone that treats him like crap then be w/ no one at all. Well that's their problem, but my problem comes in that he will come over with her, sometimes just drop in unexpectedly and it makes me mad. See I think she likes my husband or something becuz she always stares at him. Not just a casual look or something like that, plain out, don't care if anyone notices, stares at him. And I've caught my husband staring back at her on occassion too. I got into a fight about it w/ my husband once and he got all mad and told me I was imagining things but if that's what I thought then what he will do when they come over is just stay in the bedroom and not come out. He did this last time....

they came over and my Dad told me that the next day my Mom had been talking about the fact that my husband didn't even come out and say Hello to them. She was upset about it. I told my Dad that my husband was tired and had gone to sleep early. (When they came to my house, actually just dropped by, cuz I wasn't expecting them, it was around 9:30 p.m.) But now I don't know what I'm gonna say the next time they decide to just 'drop by' unexpectedly. I know my husband is gonna either just leave while they're here or go to the bedroom and not come out until they're gone. I have already told my Dad that I don't like it when they just drop by unexpectedly but they make the excuse that they want to see their granddaughter (Hubby and I just had a baby, our first early this year). What can I do about this situation? My Mom has had a staring problem for as long as I can remember, problem is she ONLY stares at men. That's it. Any youngish men, no old men. By the way she's 52 years old.

Answer 1

Tell her she is not welcome over to your house. Tell your dad the same. I mean there comes a point when someone has to be the adult. If you have kids and they see things going on they are going to get the wrong idea about your morals. You have to show her that you disapprove of her.

Answer 2

You should show some faith in your husband. He may of been looking at her trying to figure out why she was staring at him.

Your parents are another story. Your mother has given you a reason to not trust her so watch her. You need to make it clear to your parents that it isn't acceptable for them to just drop by unannounced. That will stop your father from dropping by with your mother. If your mother is with him, suggest meeting somewhere else like a restaurant where there is less chance of your mother trying to make advances on your hubby.

Answer 3

You know, sweetie, we all have our dis-functional stories... I have/had a crazy mom too but she is 86 now. so it is like rapid fast forward if you can imagine your mom that age, It happens fast, too fast and you need to have a healing before she dies. my mom past her prime and feeble and slowly dieing bit by bit. what I have learned over the years with an VERY abusive X relationship with the father of my first 2 children and the neglect of my parents, alcholoism, etc, etc... and more things in and out along the way is to LEARN HOW NOT TO BE. this is my motto that I will pass on to you. When I have been abandoned deeply and fiercely I became empowered by promising myself that I will not abandon others like they have abandoned me. also I will not give off the mean spirited-ness that i have received. I will learn compassion and forgiveness. (A HARD ONE): "Forgiveness is remembering without bitterness" IT is all very complicated on one hand yet simple on the other. learn how NOT to be and then you will balance out the rest. lean how to be a loyal partner to your husband and trust him because he wants it. I sense that you see and feel your Mom as a threat so I would suggest ~in the most loving way~ to not interact as much for awhile until the focus and perspective of your inner self is solid. if this is possibly and you can do this in an amical way then do it. good luck hun. I bring you only what I have known and know.

Answer 4

If you suspect they might do the nasties just make sure that they are not ever alone together. I could not see under what circumstances a mother would want to make love with her daughter's husband, but I have seen enough of it on Jerry Springer to know that it does happen.

Answer 5

Marriage Counseling is something to consider as a third party "ear", and individual counseling for your father and mother as well. In terms of your relationship with your mother keep her at a "comfortable distance". Meaning, there is no anger or immediate tension but she's not in your house on a regular basis either. Take care of yourself emotionally, stay on top of your marriage, and let your family know you love them but they need to respect your space.

Answer 6

You need to have some trust in your husband. Your jealousy will destroy your marriage. Tell you parents to call before they come over. And you can say to your mother, "What are you staring at? Is something wrong?"

Answer 7

Jerry Springer?

Answer 8

Get your own place and then you won't have to worry about your mother just dropping by. Either that, or just give your husband the threesome he wants and get over it. Come on, you know that is what he wants. You naughty girls. Hiss hiss..naughty cat fight in bed.

Answer 9

sounds like yur mom want more from every were she can get it not only yur husband but anybody good looking she want him in a bed yur right she is crazy but no one can help yu on thia case yu have to deal with it good luck

Answer 10

that is the time you need to put some space bettween your mom and you, have some space but stay as friends. but if you have to you are going to have to give her the boot as in get the you know out but be nice and think about how nmuch she means to you.