How can I find out if my husband is looking at online porn?

Question

We recently got back together after being separated for 8 mths. We were dealing with a devastating miscarriage (to me it was devastating) and I found porn that he swore on his mother (he is a true momma's boy!) was not his. For 4 years he always swore it was not his, that he had no idea how it got there and I always yelled and cried "to get the truth". I was very calm this last time and he finally admitted the truth. I left minutes later that led to an 8 mth seperation.
We have gone to counceling 3 times in the last 7 mths we've been back together.As a condition to get back together He promised to go to counceling, but he gives the crappiest reasons why he has not made the appt. I cant "get over it". I feel I need to know if he is giving false reassurance, again. And has a much more serious problem. What do I Do to find out???

Answer 1

Lets look at this rationally. You had a miscarriage "(to me it was devastating)". You do not say what his reaction was, but most likely he was upset but did not show it. You found porn on the computer. He knew you would be upset, and rather than fighting with you when you were still emotional dealing with the miscarriage. You "yelled and cried" for FOUR YEARS!! When he finally admitted that the porn was his, you walked out!

After eight months apart, you got back together on the condition that you attend counseling. He went with you a few times, but does not see it helping. There is a serious problem in your relationship, but it is not what you think it is!!

The problem is your complete and total desire to control and change him. You want him to go to counseling not so you can accept him, but so that he will be "corrected" He loves you. If he did not, he would have taken advantage of your abandoning him and the marriage to get a divorce. You are upset that he looked at PICTURES of other women!! Why? This is not a reflection on you. It is a form of entertainment!

You want to know how to find out if he is still looking at these pictures. You want to spy on his actions, and treat him like a 12 year old child! Are you so insecure that you are threatend by pixels on a screen?

Counseling might help you get over your need to control him. You say he is a "momma's boy". You do not like that, but you want him not to act like a free thinking man, but to be your good little husband.

Be thankful that you have his love. If you keep pushing and spying, you will never have a happy marriage

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Why does him looking at porn on the computer bother you? Is *that* the reason for the separation? Or was it the fact that he lied about it? If it was the porn, again, what does it matter? If he was with you and not cheating, who cares if he looks at naked women. For that matter,who cares if he is looking at pictures of things you won't do (unless of course it is child porn or something along those lines)? Fantasies are just that, fantasies. As long as reality is only with you, what is the problem.

If on the other hand, the problem was the fact that he was lying to you, it is a different matter. If your concern is that he would lie about something as unimportant as looking at porn, then what about important things, I can understand your concern. If you are using this as a way to catch him lying, check the internet temporary files in the hard drive. Those are not deleted when you remove the history log. However, feeling you need to do this indicates a lack of trust and *that is a real and significant issue in a marriage. It does take a while to earn back lost trust. However, you must be willing to allow him to earn it back. If it was the lying that was the issue, then let him know that and all you want is truthful answers. Ask him if he is looking at porn. If he says yes, be glad that he is telling you the truth and take it as a sign of him truely trying to make things better. Perhaps you could even ask to see the pictures he is viewing. Doing so will give you insight into his wants and desires and fantasies (which he is not necessarily planning to go out and try to fulfill). It may be a way for you to become closer and more intimate as a couple and could go a long way to improving your relationship as well.

As for flimsy excuses for missing counseling, that would raise questions in my mind as well. Again, tell him what you want are truthful answers.

Answer 4

Put in on the back burner for a little while, deal with the more important issues at hand first. I personally have no issues with men watching porn. Men are very visual and most enjoy the visual stimulation. Women require a more emotional stimulation. Why do woman read romance novels? Its the emotional stimulation the whole romance thing that they enjoy. It doesn't take anything away from how they feel about their husband. Porn is visual, and romance novels are emotional, but they are both done for the same reasons.

Answer 5

Please I would like to say that if your husband is looking at porn and you two are not completely together what is the problem? Are you so insecure as to allow some porn to deter you from having a relationship with your husband? You gave a condition for you two to get back together and he has gone to some counseling sessions. You just had a traumatic experience of losing a child together why did you have to put a condition on trying to work things out? It seems real simple to me either you both love each other and want to work things out or you don't. Giving ultimatums only cause more problems than they do solutions. But my guess is if he is looking at porn then he may not be able to talk to YOU openly and honestly without your blowing up at him. Why not try to talk openly with him instead of giving conditions. I really hope you can work things out. Any relationship has bumps in the road, the real test is how you survive them together.

Answer 6

The fact that you are snooping says you have no trust in him so u r basically screwed. He deserves some privacy. You act like he was with another woman....geez, get over it, loosen up, its just porn!! If you cant let it go u might as well get a divorce cuz if u nag and bring this up constantly he's gonna dump your a** and find someone that isn't so insecure.

Answer 7

Go to your Internet toolbar click on tools, next go to Internet options and click, after that look at the temporary Internet files (this will be located under the general section) click on settings, after that click on view files and it will give you a list of everything that has been clicked on and viewed. It even gives dates and times of everything done on the computer. Porn is different for everybody so don't listen to the people who say it's no big deal. If you don't like it then yes it's a big deal if your man is doing it. Plus if he isn't wanting to get counseling then he is probably still doing it. Were you happy when you left for that eight months? If so take that into consideration before hooking back up with him officially.

Answer 8

Install a keylogger in your computer. It can run stealth and hidden. Just be emotionally prepared before you do this for what you might find. I found MORE than I bargained for, but is all good. Was MORE than just a porn addiction. Found out H was also having affairs. So, felt good to know the truth and kick him the hell out.
You can also install a hidden camera near the computer. Position it where you can see the screen.
Best of luck.

Answer 9

I don't understand the problem? There aren't enough facts for us! How much porn does he look at? What exactly is he looking at? If he is looking a child porn he can go straight to jail! But if he looks at it a few times a week, then who cares. You should be focusing on your miscarriage with him and how to look past that. It sounds like you have the problem with the porn. Did you realize that when you talked to him calmly he listened and told you the truth! Now that he knows if he tells you the truth you'll up and leave and shout and scream. Ask him calmly why he enjoys it so much! Is he a very sexual person and you're not, so he looks at porn to fulfill the rest of his sexual desire? You need to be mature about it and talk to him like an adult! Now if he is looking at it day in and day out and sometimes won't even stop to pee then he most likely does have a problem, which counseling is the right way to go - but it should be focused on him and why he likes porn so much. Don't attack him with it, treat it as a disease and get to the bottom of it. But if he is in fact looking at little children - then I have no pity for him and I hope you send his azz to jail! Good Luck!

Answer 10

I'm using my wife's account. I like to win her YA points. The way to touch the world for the most good, imho, is in relationships.

I was an addict (~10 yrs), and am free (~7yrs now). I know how to get free, stay free, and have helped a half-dozen other guys who were also addicts to become free of this. I know at least two marriages that I have helped for the better because of my background, and passion. Nobody who has been a slave loves slavery - they fight for the freedom of others.

The first requirement is vision. They have to understand what they are doing at a heart level to themselves, to you, to their children, their community, and the women they look at. Evil cant spread death if its obvious - its more effective if it looks like "it doesnt hurt anyone". I can sufficiently prove its evil. This makes the brain willing to fight the battle, but it doesnt change the heart or hands.

The second requirement is knowing how to get free. There is a procedure. Its painful, and takes about 2 years. The first ~60 days is the toughest. I can tell you or him how to go through it.

The third requirement is a willingness to do it. Not just start, but a commitment to walk through the whole thing. About one guy in ten that I have seen who started out interested has been willing to walk the whole walk.

If you are serious about this, email me through this account. I can tell you about parts one and two in much more detail.